To not be able to spend a night on my own?

[Jelllie]

I have always had a real problem with sleeping overnight on my own without anyone else in the house. When I was at uni, when I was single and my flatmates were staying out at their boyfriends' houses, and later when DH was away on business (which he was quite a lot).
I could just about handle it when I was on my own, at least I could always go and stay with a friend etc... If it got too much. I just turn into a gibbering wreck, scared at the slightest noise, sleep with several telephones, the bedroom door locked, and generally get no sleep at all because I feel so vulnerable, I can't nod off.
I hate hate hate it, because otherwise I am usually a very strong person. I feel like such a baby, and now I am faced with DH having to do more international travel with his work. Now I have DCs and the baby is awake several times a night - I feel terrified with the responsibility, and being alone walking around in the dark with a teething DD. This is causing arguments - am I the only one who feels like this? Also the MIL is aware and thinks I am being 'ridiculous' which is further fanning the flames as i feel no one understands the terror I go through.

Could you get a dog?

No, YANBU - I had a thread about this a couple of weeks ago.
I could have written a fair bit of what you just did!
I leave hall lights on and everything.
It's not ridiculous but if you are sure your house is secure etc. that can do a lot to calm nerves, e.g. security lighting and so on?

I think you should seek out some counselling.

What is it that scares you,the darkness and/or the fact you are on your own?

How about nightlights on landings and in rooms that are used.A radio on low?

I had a friend who was terrified of the dark and used to use extra locks on her bedroom to lock herself in (dangerous in fires) but has worked though it,she now wears a eyemask to sleep as she cannot stand any light,even I feel claustrophobic wearing one and I have no issues!

Hi Jellie
I understand how you feel. I am three days in to a week without DP, have 3 DCs and can't sleep very well. Agree with bluecardi about the dog but this would probably add to the stress right now. I have dogs and it does help. I was burgled and can't relax.

I think you need some counselling too - this is a fear totally out of proportion to the risk and you need to be able to deal with it if your husband is going to be travelling (plus you really don't want to pass your fear onto your DC).

Sounds horrible and very debilitating :(

I'm not quite as bad as you but I dread dps week of nights each month. I find that I just stay up as late as possible (in my head burglars don't "work" after about 3 am) and generally I just fall asleep on the settee watching telly.
When I do bother to go to bed after I've checked all the doors and windows (twice) and put something noisy on the stairs, I lie awake for ages listening out for the slightest sound and jumping out of bed when nextdoors dog barks.
I would be happier if both dcs and I could sleep in the same locked room but I just sleep in dds bottom bunk (again in my head someone is more likely to steal my pretty blonde girl rather than my ds)
I'm lucky that I'm a sahm and both dcs go to school so I can nap in the day.

YANBU at all-I am still scared of spending the night alone [at 66!].I keep a night light on in the hall,make sure all curtains are tightly closed from evening till morning,keep a phone [mobile] fully charged with you all the time with a near neighbour you trust on speed dial.Make sure all doors are locked and double locked and that said trusty neighbour keeps a spare key.
A dog is a brilliant idea.

When my dad used to travel my mum kept the radio on all night and various hall lights.

My DH is away a lot and you do get used to it in the end.

Thanks Mowiol, will see if I can find the thread. Forgot to mention that - the house is lit up like a Christmas tree when I am on my own. That's why I'm nervous as with the DCs needing tom sleep, I can't really have more then a few night lights. Don't know what scares me more- the dark and my imagination or the fact I am convinced that this will be the time I will be burgled/ victim of a some violent crime. Nothing bad ever happened in the past, so not sure where this has come from all my life.
But what I object to is the reactions of other people, as well as feeling embarrassed . It's a genuine fear.

Do you live in a 'safe' area or do you live in an area where there is a lot of crime?

Had anything ever happened at night that frightened you?

When I am the only adult in the house I usually put the bedroom TV on snooze and go to sleep with it on. I'm not afraid of being on my own, but I like the background noise - would it help you?

YANBU - to feel scared
YWBU - not to deal with it, especially when it's having an impact on your DH/marriage.

I rely on my dog. The only downside is that if he growls at something random, like a moth, then it freaks me out.

It does get better, I am rarely spooked now and have to go outside in dark to check animals etc. Have a bedtime routine so that you know you've locked and checked all doors and windows - it saves lying there wondering and worrying. If you are as silly as me that will include behind shower curtains and under beds.
I just sleep badly, I don't lie awake scared.

Oh and never, never watch anything scary or read anything scary. Ever.

Maybe you could 'save' up all the programmes you've missed on bbciplayer/itv or a light hearted favourite dvd and watch them in bed with a cheeky glass of wine(obv not a nightly thing with the wine).

Anything that would relax and calm you really.

CBT would be good for your fear.

Would love a dog, and have suggested it before, but DH and my mum are dead set against it, on the basis that they think dogs are not safe around young children. I know, I know.

YABU because you are going to be fine, but YANBU because you can't help being scared and I am exactly the same. I have always been scared of sleeping alone, and even if I go to bed feeling confident that I am ok when DH is away on business, it just takes one radiator click to render me frozen to the bed and wide awake. Pre DCs, I would sometimes stay with a friend or have someone over, and I have been known to get up at 2am and drive to my parents in my PJs because I heard creaking.... So I completely understand.

Since having children, and with DH still working away, this is obviously not an option, so I have done the following things:

1. Had a panic alarm fitted by the bed. It sounds extreme but it's just part of our burglar alarm system and makes me feel better (we do have the option to set the burglar alarm for downstairs at night but I never have because I think if it went off in the middle of the night I would have a heart attack!)

1. Keep mobile on and in arms reach

1. Give next door neighbour a spare set of keys

1. Do the ridiculous thing of double checking every window/door before going to bed but also under beds and in cupboard to flush out all potential burglars / murderers / monsters

1. Reason with myself that if I really thought it was dangerous to sleep in my own home, I wouldn't let me my DCs be asleep in the house.

1. Leave landing lights on - obviously!

And no, I don't live in some rural isolated house. I live in a terraced house in a London suburb....

Hope this helps

I understand completely I am exactly the same. One thing I have found that helps is having Radio 4 on softly as it prevents me from hearing the really small innocuous sounds that used to frighten me.

With me it's the dark AND my overactive imagination.
It is horrible and I feel very annoyed with myself when DH works at night and DS is out.
But a fear is a fear and the wee small hours are so quiet and you can hear a pin drop. It all amplifies in your mind when you hear the normal "cooling down" noises the house makes.
I think the radio is a good idea - low background sort of comforting noise. I always find the radio more homely than TV.

Thanks for the suggestions. I will try and get some help as It has caused arguments and I don't want to impact DH career.
Actually just knowing that I am not the only one to check under the beds and behind shower curtains, helps a lot. It is just difficult when my MIL makes exasperated faces at me, as she had no problem when FIL was working away for months.
It is completely irrational although I have noticed that I have felt a little more relaxed with the excellent alarm system we have installed recently (and will be doing somin our new house).
I could just kick myself as I am one of the strongest people I know, emotionally speaking, and am very independent - this is like some sort of achilles heel, if that makes sense. I think it also the quiet I don't like- makes me feel suddenly very lonely.

I am the same, OP. My DH is staying over at a mate's house on friday and I am dreading it :( Pathetic I know, I am thirty years old, but I truly hate it.

I usually stay up until I am really exhausted then I tend to pass out in bed.

Great ideas, Slightlyjaded, again, reassuring to know other people have similar versions of this. Like the idea of the panic button. I get soooo annoyed with myself when I am lying awake.

Shineon
I'm still crapping myself after reading the 'should I get my house blessed' AIBU post.

Jelllie we need to set up a support network of sleepover buddies.

Oh and tell your MIL to bugger off...

Jellie - I have the same fears. The only time I have felt at ease with being on my own at home was when I lived in a nice apartment building where it would have been really hard and illogical for anyone to break in and we had security at reception.

I've recently moved back with my mum to sort my life out and it's a nice area, but I hate being the last one to go to bed, I wear earplugs to block out any potential 'danger' sounds.

There's something about the night that, I think, heightens all your worst fears.

I honestly don't think I could ever live alone in a 'normal' house.

YANBU but I understand it's not ideal