To be angry with this mum and not want to see her again.

[strawberrycake]

My ds has what people often call mongolian eyes/ double eyelid- the epicanthic fold. We're Russian/ Ukrainian (and white). I know they're unusual here on white babies it's quite common for them to crop up in 'white' families in the East, not surprising considering our history/ proximity to Mongolia!

Anyways, a mum leaning over the buggy today said;
'oh they're beautiful those mixed babies'
I thanked her for the compliment, they stated we don't consider him mixed, all relatives we know and way back are from a very small area! Smiled as I said it.

Now that bits fine, I can see the confusion, despite him being blue-eyed and fair. No offense taken, the next bit blew me away..

'oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realise there was something wrong with him' (!)

I asked her what she meant (in a bit of a warning tone) and she said 'well it's a sign something's wrong isn't it ('innit' actually)? Like Down's or the alcohol thingy...but he looks so alert considering'

Now even if there was something up it's a damn rude way to bring it up in front of others in a pitying tone!!! I called her fucking ignorant at this point, braying about ds like that while half the cafe tried to clock a look at him.

My other friends think I over-reacted and should have just explained it out to her, but I was REALLY angry at how she approached it. Fine if she'd said 'oh that's unusual' or 'do you know why he has eyes like that?'. Now it's like I've made the mum meets awkward, when I feel she did. It was NOT a nice tone she used at all, surely if you think a child has SN you don't stare at them and point it out loudly?

I don't think you overreacted at all. It is just about possible to get through life without commenting loudly about quite obvious things that may or may not turn out to be a sensitive subject. I manage quite well without going 'oh you are in a wheelchair', 'oh, your baby has a birthmark', 'oh, you have learning disabilities'. In this case the OP's baby actually has no sensitive issue at all, but that doesn't make the woman's behaviour acceptable. I don't think the OP was remotely wrong to correct the ethnicity mistake. I often get asked about my ethnicity as I have very non English colouring due to a very persistent gene from my eastern European great-grandfather. I correct them and generally they manage not to go on to insult me.

Presumably by suggesting the baby may have 'the alcohol thing' she was suggesting that the OP may have cracked on the booze while pregnant. I think at that point I would have been considerably ruder than the OP.

In what possible universe is it acceptable to jump the the conclusion that someones baby has special needs and comment on it in such a tasteless and moronic way?

It must drive the parents of children with special needs insane when that is all that is ever commented on. What is wrong with just saying 'cute baby'. If a baby has Downs Syndrome, for example, as another poster said, it is probably not news to the child's parent. So why not just say 'pretty eyes' or 'cute smile'. Why focus on the one thing that could cause offence?

Yadnba even if baby did have downs,why point it out.horrible rude woman