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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be really curious what you all think being a Godparent means?

54 replies

MummyDayAndNightCare · 20/09/2010 09:41

Hello,

I am a Godmother, a few times over, and I just wondered what you all felt your role is as a Godparent?

To me it felt like a real honour to be chosen by the parents to have such a role and I take it seriously, as in I make extra special effort to keep up to date with the children, what they're up to, spoil them with gifts but also lots of time and cuddles too, but I don't really do the "show them the way of the lord" thing.

Just wondered what your experiences were really and what it means to you.

OP posts:

fedupofnamechanging · 20/09/2010 09:47

For me it also means extra attention (and good birthday/Christmas pressies). But it also means that if something happened to the parents, I would feel responsible for making sure my god daughter was properly looked after and her parents wishes for their DD were adhered to.

If something were to happen to her parents, I would like custody of her if her parents families were unable/unwilling to raise her.

anonymousbird · 20/09/2010 09:48

I am godmother to one, they know I am not particularly "godly" - we were all clear about that from the outset, but I live my life by what I consider to be good morals and values. So the parents are not expecting spiritual guidance from me, just a good close adult friend for their son who as you say, takes an interest and is prepared to make a bit of an effort to get to know the child, maybe treat them to an outing every now and then, make a bit of a fuss of them.

I haven't even been in the role for a year yet, and he is still young, so it's early days, but I hopefully see us being able to have some fun together as he grows up and let him know for the future that he always has another grown up he can turn to or talk to about things.

It helps that he will be at the same school as my DC have recently started, so will see a lot of him that way, and will be able to know what he is up to.

hairytriangle · 20/09/2010 09:48

I am an "oddparent" sadly geography means I can't spend as much time as I'd like but I will always be there whatever I'm needed for

2shoes · 20/09/2010 09:50

imo it is nothing to do with looking after the child if something happens to the parents, that is the guardians role.
it is a special relationship between you an the child, and you are suppose to guide them on the path(church)

TheSistersGrim · 20/09/2010 09:52

I have 2 Godchildren, one is a nephew and the other is a friends dd. I don't do any religious instruction but nephew is doing his first holy communion next year and I am going to be involved in that. I send them both money on the approximate anniversary of their baptisms but thats about it. One of my dcs godparents gives her a Christmas present and doesn't buy for the others but I can't single out my nephew like that because obviously I'm an aunt to his brothers.

Sullwah · 20/09/2010 09:52

My husband has this role with a friends son who is just off to university.

But he was given the role when the son was in his mid teens as he was interested in the same sort of things that DH is interested in (politics, philosphy, history etc).

DH takes him out every half term holiday to a play / film / place of interest and a meal and they talk about where they have just been and current affairs etc. DH also helped in discussions about university and A level subjects etc.

We are not christian and so we have not asked anyone to be god-parents of our DTs. But I plan to when the boys are older and their interests are more formed. I would like them to have a deep relationship with an adult who is not their parent during their teen years.

Original poster

MummyDayAndNightCare · 20/09/2010 09:56

Sullwah that is really lovely. To want to wait and see who best fits the childs interests etc. What a great way of looking at it.

Some of our friends aren't religious and they had a Naming Day and Promise Parents, which I think is a good alternative.

OP posts:

anonymousbird · 20/09/2010 10:07

Sullwah I am so interested in what you say.

My children do not have Godparents, since we are not religious, it seemed hypocritical to just shove them down the baptism route. We did not marry in a church either.

However, I have tried to think of other ways to "celebrate" their lives and introduce the concept of a Special Adult... mine are still young so maybe later in life..

My DH is a "Special Adult" or whatever you want to call it to a friend's son. They had him blessed, but not christened, and my DH plus the boy's uncle were simply asked to make some kind of pledge, but not the formal Godparent thing.... We call him the boy's Godfather, for want of a better word in that instance thought strictly he isn't.

frakkinnakkered · 20/09/2010 10:12

For me there is a definite spiritual dimension on top of the 'special adult' relationship that's been mentioned.

I also plan to ask one of DC's godparents to be guardian because I think they will make the decision in the best interests of the child IYSWIM, rather than perhaps having one of my siblings and one of DH's siblings and then there being conflict between the families. A godparent has an interest in the child but is often more removed from the situation and therefore able to think with a clearer head.

DetectivePotato · 20/09/2010 10:28

Me and DH are godparents. It means nothing to us. We aren't religious at all and when we were chosen, the parents were together and we were all friends. Then the woman had an affair with her cousins DH (they were the other set of godparents) and we don't really see the children anymore. We are still friends with our male friend who was cheated on but he is pretty useless at keeping in touch and I am fed up with doing all the running around.

lottiejenkins · 20/09/2010 10:36

I have two very precious godchildren. My goddaughter is nearly 18 and her brother my godson is nearly 16. I am always there for them, i send them cards and presents for their birthdays and christmas and when they did well in their exams. The highlight for me is when i rang up a few years and my godson answered. I asked to speak to his mum and he went to get her......
"Mum my godmother is on the phone!"
"Which one?"
"The one who makes the effort to be my godmother!"

I also have two other children who are very precious to me, the little girl is now 11 and she was born two months early, her brother is eight and was born ten weeks early (i was first after family to see him in hospital) These two arent baptised but i treat them the same as my godchildren and call them my "nearlies"

HecateQueenOfWitches · 20/09/2010 11:35

A Godparent is someone who is supposed to support the parents in bringing up the child as a christian.

Of course, this was back in the days when if you had your child christened, you were actually a churchgoer yourself and intended to bring up your child as a christian.

PosieParker · 20/09/2010 11:37

A Godparent is someone who helps the parents teach the child about God and the family of the church.

Hence even though asked twice I am not a Godparent.

LilyBolero · 20/09/2010 11:39

I've got 4 godchildren, I think I just try to be a 'significant adult' in their lives - so I take lots of interest in what they're doing, try and make time to chat to them when we see their parents, always do birthday/christmas presents etc.

claricebeansmum · 20/09/2010 11:39

To me it is being there for my goddaughter as an adult who is there for her as an alternative to her parents.

The Atlantic divides us but I send presents at the appropriate times and also write her letters at other times and send little things I think she might like.

When I see her I treat her to experiences she might not otherwise have like 'posh ladies tea', ballet etc.

I hope over time she might see me as wise counsel.

sarah293 · 20/09/2010 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Sullwah · 20/09/2010 12:00

Who was a pagan?

The parents or you?

Sorry to sound so nosey - you seem to have had a very interesting life that I only snippets of now and again!

[nosey emoticon]

sarah293 · 20/09/2010 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Mahraih · 20/09/2010 13:14

We've just chosen godparents - religion has nothing to do with it.

DP chose godmother, I chose two godfathers. I chose them because they will (theoratically) be around for the long-haul. And because they are some of my best friends, interesting creative people who will make DC's life brighter.

We also expect presents

KERALA1 · 20/09/2010 13:25

Karmabeliever - please dont get confused and think that just because you are a godparent you would automatically get custody of the children if anything happened to the parents. That is not how it works. I keep hearing people say this and it is not correct.

ReshapeWhileDamp · 20/09/2010 13:28

I've been asked to be godparent to a friend's new daughter. I was very touched to be asked but also awkward, as I'm not Christian (or religious at all) and made it clear to my friend that I wouldn't really be a good Christian role model! She knows, and still wants me to do this, so I will. I see it as mentoring the child in some way - be it religiously or in a more secular way. The little girl won't be getting a bible or prayerbook from me, but then her parents don't attend church either (tiny ) so that won't matter.

I still have to get my head round having to swear to forgo the Devil, or whatever godparents have to promise in church!

melikalikimaka · 20/09/2010 13:39

It's a load of baloney, my godmother was my grandmother who died when I was two and my Godfather, I met him at funeral and he didn't know who I was!!!! I have chosen family members who hopefully will be around for a while. But they don't get spoilt by them either.

PosieParker · 20/09/2010 13:53

I think having your child christened is pretty damn insulting to the church unless you have some designs on a religious following, likewise becoming a 'godparent' when you're not a Christian is hypocritical.

sarah293 · 20/09/2010 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ReshapeWhileDamp · 20/09/2010 14:02

Yes Posy, hence my reservations. But I felt that putting my own scepticism first, rather than saying yes, ok, I will do that for your daughter, was a bit selfish of me.

My friend knows I'm not religious. She isn't either, as far as I can see, and is either having her children christened because of family pressures, because it's 'the thing to do' or because she has one eye on the future and is wondering about schools. None of them very good reasons to christen a child, IMO, but then it's her choice. We haven't had our son christened (despite PIL pressure) because we don't believe. That was our choice. As long as my friend knows that I don't believe, and that I won't be a religious force in her daughter's life, just a secular one, I'm not that bothered.

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