to be really curious what you all think being a Godparent means?

[MummyDayAndNightCare]

Hello,

I am a Godmother, a few times over, and I just wondered what you all felt your role is as a Godparent?

To me it felt like a real honour to be chosen by the parents to have such a role and I take it seriously, as in I make extra special effort to keep up to date with the children, what they're up to, spoil them with gifts but also lots of time and cuddles too, but I don't really do the "show them the way of the lord" thing.

Just wondered what your experiences were really and what it means to you.

I just couldn't imagine the process in the church where you 'tell God' that you'll do right by that child!

Riven, hypocrisy is rife.

I refused to be godparent to my nieces on the grounds that I'm an atheist - couldn't stand up and promise stuff I didn't believe in. It just would have been weird. dcs are not baptised, obv, but they have many special adults in their lives.

I do not go to church but i believe in god and wanted my son to be recongnised by him so i got him christened. It was important to me to know if my son dead that he would be looked after.

I chose people who would be around for my son and who would be a good role modle.

1 married couple with children, my best friend from uni and my friend from childhood who is male and gay. They all have something to teach my son.

But it did not work out like that as my friend from uni is no longer my friend and has not answered my email or txt and does not care about my son.

My childhood friend does ask about my son but does not see him or speak to him and my son does not know him.

The married cople are too busy with there own twins that they have no time for my son.

If me or my DH dies there would be no one to raise our son so we havnt made wills and if that happens then i hope God would make sure he is ok in care

I recently became a godparent for the first time and I am an atheist. The good friends who asked me to fill this role know that, but also appreciate that I still have values.... The aspect of taking an interest in my godson throughout his life, being there in times of need, acting as a guardian if required is something I feel more than able to fulfil and indeed very much want to!

It is a bit of a shame the "god" tag exists but I believe you can be a good godparent without being in the least bit religious, as the role to me encompasses a great deal more than religious guidance.

I was asked a couple of times to be a godmother but declined. For me, it does have a religious significance and as an atheist it doesn't sit properly. DD has been baptised, DH is a practicing RC. Her godparents are pretty hopeless TBH, one we never heard from after we left Oman and the other had the audacity to get married herself and move to Malaysia. DD is to be cared for by my DS in the event of me and DH deaths. That was important for me.

You all sound as if you take your 'godparent's duties seriously. I'm not talking about the religious side but at least realising that you have been given a special role in this child's life.

I have 2 dc and we gave our sibilings the roles of godparents. They are absolutely rubbish. They never pay particular attention to their god-child. I even have to remind them to send them birthday cards. I am saddened that they haven't seen it as the 'honour' I thought it was. Especially as these are their nephew and niece as well.

I have to keep reminding my dc who their godparents are as they wouldn't know otherwise.

But it seems that the role of most present-day god-parents is to send cards and presents.

I am not sure that is an honour!

I'd say it depends on what the parents expectations of the godparents role was. for me personally it means taking an extra interest in the childs life and being someone the child can talk to.

I would be honoured if someone ever asked me but I would be upfront about the fact that I am not religious and even though I do consider myself a moral person, if they wanted someone who was going to guide their child in a religious sense then I would not be the right person.
I doubt it will come up though, I've never been christened so I don't think I can be a Godparent officially (not from a proper church christening anyway).

It is a privelidge and an honour.
I have 10 Godchildren and the only time i have ever been in a church is for the ceremonies for this.

However, the families are not religious either.

For me its taking a close interest in the child. Ringing to speak with them after their first day at school, sending them a little letter every now and agin if its a while since ive seen them sending my love.

making sur ei see them regularly, taking them to the cinema, or out for a treat.
Not even spending a great deal on them, but showing that i am interested and care about them in speacial way.

I adore each and every one of my God children

I have not had my son christened though, as we are nto religious, we dont go to church, didnt get married in church etc.

lol at so many people being godparents and not believing in god, and the parents not being fussed because they are not religious! WHY get your child christened then??

My children have godparents, mainly because their dad was brought up in the formal church and wanted it. They're not christened, they're Dedicated and will be baptised as and when they feel ready as we want to bring them up with a personal relationship with God not one that we or the church leads.

Our godparents don't make statements about their own faith, which suits me. We as their parents are responsible for our children's spiritual life and I don't really like the idea of asking someone else to take responsibility for that.

We chose people we thought would take an interest in our children, who could be an auntie or uncle to them (which is why we didn't chose family!)

Oh and whilst I go to church every week, have YouTube lined up with the best Christian music, I'm not religious and get rather annoyed with anyone calling me it!

Couldn't agree more hocus.
Read the words that a godparent has to publicly declare. A godparent has to declare that they are turning to Christ. They pledge support for the parents in raising the child within the church. What on earth is the point if you don't believe it!
I'm all for children having special and nurturing relationships with key adults, but you don't need to be a godparent to do that.

We particularly didn't choose family as Godparents for our DS as we wanted our friends to have that honour and play that role. I think family already have a special role as an aunt or an uncle etc anyway.

Interesting thread. DH and I are expecting DC1 in Feb and have been discussing godparents. He's RC, I'm CofE although in a living-my-life-by-Christian-values way rather than a regular churchgoing thing.

We have in mind someone who would be perfect as a Godfather as he would be a perfect spiritual guide - not that our child has to be RC/CofE or whatever, just that we want them to have an open mind, spiritually, and to consider what faith means etc. and we think the person we have in mind would be an ideal spiritual guide in that sense, not likely to duck the tough questions and respectful of many different points of view etc. He would also be a great surrogate uncle type figure if there was ever anything DC couldn't discuss with us (although I hope that's not the case, I'm not naive enough to assume).

IMO it's rather pointless (although I know rather common practice) to have our own siblings as Godparents as they will already be 'in' our children's lives anyway, regardless of what happens to DH and I, our siblings will always be there for our DCs. A Godparent is someone extra to that.

TBH presents had never crossed my mind (polishes halo).

D

I am godmother to my niece as her parents were scraping around for people who'd been christened

but I think pof ger as my niece first, iyswin

This thread has really made me question whether I ought to be doing this for my friend's DD, to be honest. I said earlier I didn't think I should put my own scruples and cynicism before what my friend wanted (me to be her DD's godparent). That since she is not herself a churchgoer (as far as I know, and I don't know the nature of her beliefs in that respect) and is having her children christened because it's a nice tradition, I shouldn't worry too much.

But I've been reading about being a godparent here and am now really feeling a lot more uncomfortable. I mean, I made a big stand about not getting married in church just because it was a 'nice tradition' (and because my PIL would have loved it) because I felt I couldn't stand there in front of friends and family who knew damn well I was atheist and say those words, make empty promises. I wanted our wedding to mean something to both of us (DH is also atheist but strangely enough, a lot more pro the idea of a church wedding).

Same with christening our own DS. MIL would have loved it (and still would - she's never given up hope!) but I thought it was meaningless and hyprocritical. We aren't doing it. So now I'm feeling pretty ashamed that I'm prepared to make 'meaningless' promises on behalf of someone else's child, but not my own. I just saw being a godparent as being a generic mentor, taking a special interest - and I still do. But the affirmations it looks like I'll have to make are going to stick in my throat. I just don't know what to do now.

At least I have some time to think about it and talk to my friend. She's put the christening back several months because so many people couldn't attend. I'll have had DC2 by then!

Reshape, imo although the role was specifically designed to be there to show the child a Christian upbringing etc and support them in that, the role has evolved from its traditional roots like many things have nowadays.

I am a Christian, but non practising, and I would say I believe there is 'something' but I base my life on good Christian values, like being respectful, honest and kind. This is something that I will share with all my Godchildren as well as my DC's.

I believe, all the parents wanted from me as a Godmother, was the same that I wanted for my DS when I chose his Godparents, that I would be someone who would take a special interest in his life, be there to protect them and guide them, should they ever need it and encourage them to be kind, respectful and truthful in all that they do. I was also careful to choose people who had been in our life for a long time and I expected to be in it for the long term. Some of the parents of my Godchildren also have us named in wills as their guardians, but this is a different issue.

Some people on here will disagree with that but these are my feelings.

Deliaskis, one of my sons godmothers is RC and my late dh and i were/are CofE. She has been an amazing GM. My ds is profoundly deaf and she has raised thousands of pinds for the National Deaf Childrens Society by treking through the first time the Sinai Desert and the second time Costa Rica!!!

Wow that's great lottie :)

Some of my friends have given their children "oddparents" because they've had naming ceremonies or just a party to welcome the new baby. AFAIK the "oddparents" have agreed to take on a special uncle/auntie type role in the child's life - but they are friends, not relatives. It's a way of binding someone else outside the family to your child, building a relationship between the child and another adult who you think will contribute positively to the child's life.

My parents have godchildren and their involvement seems mainly to involve birthday presents/cards, doing favours (referee for passports etc), putting them up at their house on demand etc. I wish I had a god/oddparent. It's nice that there is a bond between you even if you end up living far away from each other. If any of my friends asked me to take on this role to their DC I would be honoured, as long as I was sure about my friendship with the parents. Going through the religious service would be ok, as I have a (badly defined) religious faith, and more than happy to give nice firm moral be-a-nice-person advice - not going to happen though as my parents raised me as a heathen didn't have me christened :o

hocuspontas I wish I was you with your moral highground, it must be so satisfying!

So, you and your children never celebrate Christmas then, obviously?

Hmmm?

Hypocrite.

Spurious argument. You can buy people presents at Christmas time and decorate your house and eat turkey without making serious vows about how u will support raising a child within the church.

I don't see this as claiming any moral high ground, I just see it as bizarre that anyone would want to stand up and publicly declare those vows if they don't believe them. I wonder whether some people on here have actually read the vows! It's not something which can be watered down- it's statements of belief and intent.
If you want certain adults to play a key role in your Childs life that's wonderful and totally possible without attaching religious beliefs to it