To HATE it when people use am instead of I'm?

[Itsonme]

I absolutely cannot stand this!

For example when people say 'am so excited'

It's appalling English and bugs the utter crap out of me!

Let's put GR in Simon's attic then.

The hair is not strange. It's macho . Like Action Man.

I'vbe never understood why some people don't like the word tits. Tits is a great word.

Tits are upbeat.

Boobs are lumpy old things.

Well, you see , GR was like that, only then apparently Simon told him that now he's getting a profile in America, he should get the funny lines in his chin filled in. So he did. And then I think it snowballed, although he denies it. He is def smoother.

I have no idea how I acquired this information. It must've seeped in when I wasn't looking.

Sleb seepage is a dangerous thing. Crap by osmosis

pointy: in that case, mine are definitely boobs, I'm afraid

Simon Cowell's hair is very weird indeed. It has... corners.

Exactly, pointy. And don't get me started on boobyjuice.

DM, like a weirdy kind of collagen implant in your head. I'd worry.

I'm not trying to describe a physical difference between tits and boobs, just the overall mental impact of the two very different words.

I like my tits so I do not call them boobs. I don't call anyone else's boobs either.

Stop saying boobs. You'll upset Mrsohsoclever.

I am thinking now of a comedy sketch where the toupee came off and murdered people. What is it?

TwoRonnies, i think. And it's NOT MRS. Damn your eyes.

Sorry Mizzohsoclever? Drohsoclever? Flight lieutenantohsoclever?

I know, you're right actually, it's a poetry thing. It's the way they sound.

Tits: kind of clean, almost percussive, crisp

Boobs: deep boobling sort of sound, like an oboe

You could do a composition themed around them & other similar terms to illustrate the different instruments -- you know, like Peter and the Wolf?

We just need more words for breasts, and more examples of what instrument represents each one. Oh, and a plot.

Spot on, martini, with your sounds.

But I like oboes. They're thin and reedy. I think that you mean bassoon.

HRH will do, Tippy.

Norks would be a bassoon

Baps a piccolo

Fun bags = percussion

fun bags are a bicylce horn, surely?

Boobs would be a trombone.

Apologies to Her Ohsocleverness

Amended pointdog. I was thinking of boom boom but honk is better.

The one I hate most is "funbags". Hmmm ... perhaps a discordant brass stab?

Bosom: surge of dignified strings

Decollete: flute

xpost

But what about the plot? It will have to be boldly Sondheimesque rather than tackily reminiscent of The Vagina Monologues.

rack (a la gok) must be a big glockenspiel

Wasn't just me who had that bloody Guide to the Orchestra then
Off now, tis a school night. Have fun.

cello for bosom, maybe

I do like the turn this thread has taken. Gawd bless you, itsonme.

So what would "breasts" be? The full orchestra?