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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH, DS and grapes!

45 replies

dribbleface · 19/09/2010 08:08

My DH took DS out for the day yesterday, i was studying, and i am grateful he supports my study. I called just after lunch to see what they were up too. DH told me he just had some grapes.

I don't know why i asked but i said were they cut up. They weren't and i tried to gently explain why they need to be (we have had this conversation before). DH all humpy with me now.

DS is 2. Maybe i'm so neurotic careful with grapes etc as i manage a nursery and its one of the things i drum into my staff.

I try not to dictate how my DH parents, i really do. I'm sure i do this without realising sometimes, its my natural instinct s when i see things that are 'not right' at nursery i discuss with staff etc.

So was i being unreasonable to remind him to cut up the grapes?

You know reading this back i sound like a nutter! But choking i a big fear of mine!

OP posts:
colapips · 19/09/2010 08:11

YABU - my ds choked on everything and anything - the number of times he choked on a breadstick, apple, porridge, and had to be tipped up to get the food released.

I just ensured whereever he was that the crucial thing was that he was never left unattended while eating.

I believe cutting up grapes for example, can lead to less vigilance whilst eating, where as if the food is just given, observation can be made at all times.

weegiemum · 19/09/2010 08:11

I certainly wasn't still cutting grapes up at 2. But my MIL, who was a nursery teacher, was still doing so.

I think that it is up to you how you do it but it was a bit U to ask him over the phone if he was doing things your way.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 19/09/2010 08:12

You can't control what he does - when he is parenting the chilren HE is in charge - you can't back seat drive.

You can discuss grapes with him - tell him that it is easy to choke on them and you always cut them up for young children. But you can't be with him all the time, watching what he does.

I understand though - I have said to DH over the phone before now "make sure you cut the grapes up" - but we have had the grape discussion before now, he agrees that they need to be chopped, he just forgets to do it.

There is no point being retroactively annoyed though - it is done, your children are alive.

DetectivePotato · 19/09/2010 08:13

I was like this when DS was younger. I used to 'peel' them too when he was a lot younger. Then he got hold of my friends snack bag and ate whole grapes and I realised I may have been going a bit too far. He is 2.7 and unless the grapes are really big, I let him eat them whole. My friend knows a 5 year old who choked on a grape. Are you really going to be cutting them up at that age?

I do ask DH to cut them if they are really really large ones though.

onimolap · 19/09/2010 08:14

Depends how you said it to him, really.

As a safety message, it's important. But as it's DH not colleagues, the manner and tone matter in a different way.

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/09/2010 08:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
dribbleface · 19/09/2010 08:15

I'm not annoyed now, but he is huffy! Think its a nursery thing to be honest!

Ok, i'll relax a little. I know i shouldn't have asked over phone Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
dribbleface · 19/09/2010 08:18

onimolap - think sometimes i need to remember that.

OP posts:
onimolap · 19/09/2010 08:32

I hadn't realized how strident I was getting with my DH until another person just gaped at me open mouthed after she'd witnessed one exchange. Quite a wake up call!

And so much harder for you as you work in childcare. Hope you find a way through.

PatsyStone · 19/09/2010 08:37

I had stopped cutting up grapes for ages as I thought it was unnecessary but thanks to this thread here I have started to again for my youngest, who eats grapes often. I don't care if someone wants to judge me as being an over anxious parent. If you feel strongly enough about it, and were calm and polite when speaking to him then your dh should respect that.

AngelsOnHigh · 19/09/2010 08:37

My 16 month old eats whole grapes and strawberries. Blush

Original poster
dribbleface · 19/09/2010 08:37

I got up on the early shift today with DS so i'm in DH's good books i think.

Must try harder not to be a control freak!

OP posts:
Original poster
dribbleface · 19/09/2010 08:40

Patsystone, i will still cut up grapes, and think DH will now too. But think my approach might need some fine tuning!

OP posts:
Firawla · 19/09/2010 08:44

seriously, he is 2!!!! i dont think you need to cut them up. yabu let your dh get on with it

ButterpieBride · 19/09/2010 08:45

What is this cutting up grapes thing? I have only ever heard of it on here- I gave DD1 whole ones from about one and will probably do the same with DD2- is that wrong?

I have had to stop giving DD2 (10mo) pineapple as she kept coughing and needing her back slapped and turning about.

smokinaces · 19/09/2010 08:55

I confess, I often still cut up grapes for DS1 who is 4!

To be fair, if I am in the room and watching them, they have them whole. If I am ducking in and out doing the washing etc they have them cut in half. So its more the watching them?

Anenome · 19/09/2010 09:20

I read somewhere that choking incidents are fr more common in over 2s as parents tend to relax more then...it gave me a jolt...as I had stoped cutting grapes up and wasn't as careful with meat...now I am more careful and i simmply told my DH that statistic...and added that we should always err on the side of caution as the DCs are too precious to take risk with. He understood then....Mums are sometimes a bit crazy when instructing others in the care of their kids...I am anyway! Blush

hairytriangle · 19/09/2010 10:31

yabu.

"when he is parenting the chilren " this confuses the hell out of me. When is there a time that he isn't their parent???!!!???

stanausauruswrecks · 19/09/2010 10:43

Gently explaining something to your husband Confused Are you sure he's not huffy because you treat him like a two year old??

I really don't get the whole chop it up small so they don't choke - children need to be able to learn how to break down their food into manageable chunks and chew it properly.

borderslass · 19/09/2010 10:46

I've never cut up grapes there small enough.

thesecondcoming · 19/09/2010 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScroobiousPip · 19/09/2010 10:54

Patsystone, I remember that thread too.

Dribbleface, if it was any other food, I would say YABU but grapes are the exception IMO. Children can and do choke on any food - the difference is that the skin on grapes makes them much harder to dislodge.

Fel1x · 19/09/2010 10:57

I still cup up grapes for my nearly 5 yr old as well as my 2 yr old!
I didnt used to all the time but then my best friends 3 yr old next door neighbour died choking on a whole grape and i've been much more careful ever since. They occassionally ahve whole grapes when I am watching closely but usually have them cut up when I am not sitting with them but popping in and out the room

pinkbasket · 19/09/2010 10:59

YANBU but then I sometimes still cut them up for mine and they are 5, 7 and 9.

Bumperlicious · 19/09/2010 11:05

I did BLW and so am fairly relaxed about choking, but DD is 3 and I still cut grapes, and am trying to drum it into her that if she is given them whole to bite them. I read from someone on here that if you could design a food to most effectively choke a child it would be a grape! And I like to think I am pretty lax about most things.