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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH, DS and grapes!

45 replies

dribbleface · 19/09/2010 08:08

My DH took DS out for the day yesterday, i was studying, and i am grateful he supports my study. I called just after lunch to see what they were up too. DH told me he just had some grapes.

I don't know why i asked but i said were they cut up. They weren't and i tried to gently explain why they need to be (we have had this conversation before). DH all humpy with me now.

DS is 2. Maybe i'm so neurotic careful with grapes etc as i manage a nursery and its one of the things i drum into my staff.

I try not to dictate how my DH parents, i really do. I'm sure i do this without realising sometimes, its my natural instinct s when i see things that are 'not right' at nursery i discuss with staff etc.

So was i being unreasonable to remind him to cut up the grapes?

You know reading this back i sound like a nutter! But choking i a big fear of mine!

OP posts:

vjg13 · 19/09/2010 11:09

YANBU, a grape can be very difficult to dislodge if a child starts to choke.

ShrimpOnTheBarbie · 19/09/2010 11:12

I started off thinking I was going to say YABU
BUT
having read this thread I am now shocked at what a slack mother I am and thinking that I need to start cutting grapes for DD (almost 4).

Perhaps he is cross because he knows he did the the wrong thing and doesn't want to be told?

welshandproud · 19/09/2010 11:27

I only cut up grapes when my children were very little,9 months ish. I have 4 children none of them have ever choked on a grape. I have taught reception for many many years and have never even heard of a child choking on a grape. YABVU your child is 2 presumably with a full set of teeth????Teach him to chew FGS
I sometimes cut up satsuma segments for my 1 year old but that's it

looneytune · 19/09/2010 11:31

I was just going to say the same. My dh usually gets huffy when he's actually annoyed with himself. As for the grape thing, I cut them up for ds2 (who is 2) unless I'm right next to him watching his VERY carefully (I'm always watching but I'm a childminder so with several to watch, I prefer to be more cautious with grapes as I haven't got 100% attention focusing on him). I was still cutting up grapes for ds1's packed lunches (as I wasn't there to watch him) until he was about 6 and still prefer to not give him grapes for school, especially as he was choking on one about a month ago (very scary) and he's 7 and half now! I know it's important for them to break down food etc. and am never like that with other foods but there are far too many choking accidents with grapes that I personally would rather still be a control freak. I did stop for a bit until I read yet ANOTHER story about a child dying from choking on a grape (that time was sat in the supermarket trolley and picked a grape as being pushed round :()

ScroobiousPip · 19/09/2010 11:37

Welshandproud - it's great your DCs were OK but that doesn't make whole grapes any less of a hazard. Choking is still one of the leading causes of death for children under 5. Grapes and peanuts are common causes - cutting up grapes reduces the risk.

www.patient.co.uk/doctor/Choking-and-Foreign-Body-Airway-Obstruction-%28FBAO%29.htm

VictorianIce · 19/09/2010 13:30

My 10 month old eats whole grapes - she bites them so they pop and juice dribbles everywhere. Perhaps I should cut them up - but she never eats unsupervised... Now you've made me worry.

QuiteFickleDobby · 19/09/2010 15:29

I know someone who used meticulously peel grapes and chop them into quarters. Slightly excessively cautious I feel.

I just used to blithely bite one in half and hand the other half to my DC's.

mumeeee · 19/09/2010 16:09

I think you should stilol cut up grapes for a 2year. I have known a 3 year old to choke on grapes mainly becuase she was eating them to fast, But I wouldn't have asked you Dh if he had cut the grapes up.

zapostrophe · 19/09/2010 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

openerofjars · 19/09/2010 16:21

I read an interview with a paediatrician who said that if you had to design a stopper for a child's windpipe you couldn't get a more effective one than a grape. I bite them in half for DS (22mo) if we're out and about, or cut them up at home.

I worry about unnecessary stuff enough already without feeling like I'm actually handing him something that could hurt him on a plate.

DetectivePotato · 19/09/2010 16:32

After reading that other thread, I'm going back to cutting up all grapes and I will let DH know that is what we should be doing too. Just not worth the risk. Thanks for that link.

Original poster

dribbleface · 19/09/2010 16:33

hairytriangle - i never said 'when he is parenting the children', that was someone else. I said I try not to dicate the way he should parent (although i failed in this case)

When i said gently exlaining - i wasn't talking to him like that exactly, i was trying to convey that i didn't go ballistic.

Thank all, answers have helped me reassure myself that I will continue to cut up grapes for DS. I too was told by 1st aid training you couldn't design a better choking hazard.

Looking inwardly maybe i do 'parent from the back seat' (love that expression, thanks) about other things and need to let go. Maybe if i didn't my DH might take me seriously over things that are important to me.

OP posts:

Rockbird · 19/09/2010 16:38

I still cut up grapes for dd (2.8) unless she is sitting right in front of me so I can make sure she bites them. They are a choking hazard and it's not worth the risk. Some people on here have said they only cut them up if they're big but surely the bigger ones are less of a hazard than small ones which are toddler throat size?

Grapes, stairs and car seats are my particular bugbears. Anything else I can pretty much live with.

castleonthehill · 19/09/2010 17:12

If your children always sit down to eat and bite into food as it goes into their mouth not cutting grapes is not a problem. The problem with grapes and tomatoes is if you do chock on them when you are bashing you child on the back all you will do is change of the grapes so you won't do anything which will be very scary. Children and adults can chock on anything and often do but while they are so small and them chocking may put them off food I would cut them.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 19/09/2010 18:07

hairytriangle - that was me. What I meant was - when he is in sole charge of the children. Like when the OP is, I'm sure she doesn't phone up her DH and ask abotu whether she should cut up certain foods.

of course I know that he is always their parent, I'm not fucking stupid. I would think that you could extract what I meant.

lal123 · 19/09/2010 18:16

DD2 is 11 months - and I've NEVER cut up grapes for her. Surely any food is a choking risk - whats the problem with grapess?

Castle - what does "when you are bashing you child on the back all you will do is change of the grapes so you won't do anything" mean?

undercovamutha · 19/09/2010 18:23

Oh bugger - I am quite neurotic careful, but I stopped cutting up grapes for DD and DS when they were 12mo (now 18mo and 4). Will start cutting up again for DS I think as this thread has me made me paranoid rethink.

midori1999 · 19/09/2010 18:43

I doubt my friend would think YABU. Her 2 year old daughter choked on a grape two years ago. She was supervised whilst eating them and the next door neighbour who was training to be a paramnedic came to help whilst they were waiting for the ambulance to arrive and she still died as they couldn't dislodge it.

DetectivePotato · 19/09/2010 18:50

Oh my god!!!!

Thats awful midori.

DH has told me he always cuts them anyway. Now I will ensure I do it too.

Rockbird · 19/09/2010 19:13

The problem with grapes more than any other food is the shape of them plus the skin. They're the perfect shape and size to lodge themselves in a throat and the skin means it'd be a hell of a long time before they softened. A piece of bread, banana, even apple would soften whereas a grape wouldnt. That's what I was told and it makes sense to me. That's why I'll always be extra careful with them.

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