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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make people take their shoes off?

102 replies

suecy · 18/09/2010 20:13

Moving into a brand spanking new house in a few weeks, loads of wooden flooring and pale carpets.

Want to have a housewarming for family and friends - c60 poeple. Is it really rude on the invite to say guests will be expected to take their shoes off, no matter what they are? Just don't want any damage to the floors.

Does it make me sound unreasonable? The alternative is not to have the party!

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 19/09/2010 05:04

Personally I think it's crazy for asking your guests to take their shoes off, but perhaps you could telephone them after the invitations and, er, shoehorn into conversation that you would rather they didn't wear stilettos?

mangoandlime · 19/09/2010 07:11

Go to the local village hall for your party and have a big picture on your house on an ovehead projector showing all the rooms on a loop. Everyone's a winner.

Yabu, I think.

5DollarShake · 19/09/2010 07:33

It's one thing to ask guests to take their shoes off on arrival at the party (precious).

It's quite another to stipulate it on the invitation! Grin I wouldn't not go, but I would not be expecting it to be a raucous affair of the sort reminisced about for years to come Good Time and would expect to be making my excuses come 11pm.

I've never got the whole shoe removal thing, and don't ask people to do it when they come to my house (let alone for a party - am still laughing at the idea), but thanks to various threads on here, I have started to offer their removal when I go to other people's houses, as I had no idea people were so uptight about and wouldn't want to offend.

Anyway good luck and, err, have a great party!!

SnailWhaleTail · 19/09/2010 07:38

We were invited to a housewarming on a Sunday afternoon, it was pissing it down and we were expected to 'party' in the double garage and only allowed to enter the house to use the downstairs loo!

They were also surprised that we had brought the children despite it being an afternoon thing and the fact that they hadn't asked us NOT to bring them.

We had driven an hour to get there and I won't bother to visit them again as obviously their house is more important than people not becoming hypothermic.

I think if you're not relaxed enough to have a proper party then it might be better to have a small lunch or something with a couple of friends who embrace the no shoes thing.

drfayray · 19/09/2010 08:13

I grew up in SE Asia where it is very common to take your shoes off before entering a house. And now I live in Australia where people do take off their shoes as well. Mostly women and kids but then here in Bris, thongs (flip-flops) are the footwear du jour so ...

I am going to say YANBU as it wouldn't bother me to remove my shoes. I always do when I visit people here.

5DollarShake · 19/09/2010 08:28

Shock SnailWhaleTail - I can't believe they held their 'housewarming' do in the garage - that's hilarious!!

Were people openly sniggering at the preposterousness of it?

piscesmoon · 19/09/2010 08:29

YABU -people will dress up and they will have shoes to match their outfit. They won't have walked through a muddy field before they arrive-I dare say they will have put them on in their house, got in the car and walked up your path to the door. I wouldn't want to take mine off and I think it rude to ask. If your floors are more important than people, have the party in a hall and show them photos of your floors!

cosymum43 · 19/09/2010 20:58

I have to say that one of the first comments on this debate mentioned how polarised this whole issue is. I find it somewhat a dichotomous debate where we have contributors who live in countries that that have a clear legal right to kill anyone who breaks into their property and yet at the same time object the freedom of choice for homeowners etc to exercise discretion about whom they allow into their home according to reasonable rules they expect of all.
Yes i am being pedantic here but i take exception to a people who allows themselves the ultimate right to defend their property whilst on the other deny and decry people who do exactly the same thing in a different way.
In reality all we are talking about here is asking people to remove their shoes. No more.

nooka · 19/09/2010 21:11

Although there are a few MNs from outside the UK (I live in Canada myself) this is predominantly a British site, and in the UK if you kill someone regardless of whether they might be breaking into your house you will be arrested (you might have a self defense case, but you'd have to have a good defense lawyer to escape any charges) I cannot see the relevance to this conversation. In any case not everyone agrees with every law in the country they happen to live in or were born in, and as no one has asked if contributors to this thread would also like to kill intruders there is no knowing there stance on that totally different issue. I think your pedantry is misplaced.

Re the invite I think it is totally reasonable to say that you have new floors and are scared of them marking and ask your guests not to wear heels, but demanding a total shoes off from everyone is somewhat precious. Parties have the potential to cause damage (spilled food and wine probably being the greater threat than shoes in reality) if you are worried then don't have a big party.

SnailWhaleTail · 19/09/2010 21:29

5dollarshake I was bleeding livid as it was freezing and I had indoor clothes on, you know, for the PARTY rather than waterproofs and a woolly hat.

There seemed to be a lot of barbed comments and loads of people go shirty with us as they had been specifically told not to bring their kids. I think it was a very short do.

They are loons and as he is DHs mate I have as little to do with them as I can without being too rude.

OrmRenewed · 19/09/2010 21:30

Yes it's rude.

Floors are for people to use.

LadyBiscuit · 19/09/2010 21:46

SnailWhaleTail - am Shock at your experience! That's what my parents made us do when we were teenagers :o

Honestly, what on earth is the point of floors if you don't want people to walk on them? Reminds me of some rented house my dad was living in once which had plastic on the dining chairs. Fucking insane.

expatinscotland · 19/09/2010 21:53

Eh, cosymum? Who here doesn't live in the UK?

It's cold here.

Suecy, you sound too uptight about the floors to have a party with that many people.

Just have a do in a hall or something and let it all hang out.

But hey, it's Autumn here in the UK and people are already starting to put their heating on.

If you still want to go ahead, include your ridiculously unreasonably request in the invite so people can politely decline whilst sniggering behind your back.

Serendippy · 19/09/2010 22:01

YABU. I would not go. I trust adults to make the judgement of whether their shoes are going to destroy the floors and usually if it is raining or snowing, people offer to take shoes off. I would not go to a party where my legs would be immediately 4 inches shorter making me all dumpy upon removal of my shoes. But that is my issue.

piscesmoon · 19/09/2010 22:18

I don't know why people bother buying shoes if everyone has to take them off-all they need is boots or wellies! If they come to the party they are wearing fashion shoes and as adults they can make their own judgement about the state of them!

LadyBiscuit · 19/09/2010 22:19

We should all wear uggs at all times :o

Katisha · 19/09/2010 22:21

I would find a party where we were all not wearing shoes really weird.

TabithaTwitchet · 19/09/2010 22:30

I always take my shoes off when I enter a house, I wouldn't dream of wearing shoes in my own house, ever. But obviously I do wear them to parties, as it is expected.

I would be delighted to not have to stand around in uncomfortable heels at a party (I usually want to take my shoes off, but feel it would be a bit of a faux pas) - but even I would still think it a bit wierd/unfriendly to demand it on the invite - I really don't think you can do that. Unfortunately.
Unless you make wearing socks/slippers the theme of the party... No, still too weird.

SmellsLikeTeenSweat · 19/09/2010 22:42

YANBU. I hate shoes indoors and have no hesitation in asking guests to remove them - most do anyway, and my dch always take theirs off when they go to people's houses (Unless it's the friend where there are chickens pooing on the kitchen floor Hmm where it's safer to leave them on.)

LookToWindward · 19/09/2010 22:56

For me, its not outdoor foot wear per se that is the problem, just these stupid big stiletto heels that seem to seem to have came in to fashion.

Just to elaborate on my earlier post, I've just spent several thousand pounds sanding, scraping and oiling an awful lot of parquet flooring in my house after the previous owner ruined (and I mean absolutely destroyed) it by tottering around in heels.

According to the specialist firm I had in to do to the work, heels (and stiletto heels in particular) destroy wooden flooring, hence my no heels rule.

Non of my friends are so insecure that they think knocking three inches off their height is a big enough issue not to visit me.

It's not something I would ever put on to an invitation mind - but then I'm unlikely to throw that kind of party...

And most stiletto heel type shoes are hideous anyway.

LadyBiscuit · 19/09/2010 23:08

My shoes are fucking gorgeous I'll have you know Wink My wood floors are new but they are absolutely stiletto-proof :)

I can understand with parquet to a degree but I do also think that floors are for walking on. I would hate to have floors that were so delicate personally

defyingravity · 19/09/2010 23:14

I wouldn't want to remove my shoes. I hate it, I'm not very tall so they make my clothes hang right, without shoes trouser legs trail along the floor.

I DO draw the line however at dd wearing her tap shoes on my brand new kitchen floor!!

Serendippy · 19/09/2010 23:15

LookToWindward you make perfect sense. Would you have paid all that money for gorgeous floors and then throw a party for 60 people? No, it would be madness. I always take my shoes off when I am at a friend's for coffee as is more comfy, but if you are the kind of person who likes throwing parties, don't get beautiful floors! I hear red wine and creamy dips are bad for floors too, or is it going to be a no-food-or-drink-near-the-floor party?

LookToWindward · 19/09/2010 23:17

Short of concrete there's no flooring in the world that can withstand 8st plus bearing down on it on two half inch square heels...

salizchap · 19/09/2010 23:17

I would think you were being overly precious, but it wouldn´t stop me coming if I was a friend. It would make me feel uncomfortable and overly paranoid about accidental spillage, therefore imparing my enjoyment.

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