Are women only gutsy online?

[BarmyArmy]

I've been on MN for a few months now and must confess to spotting a difference between the women on here and those in the real world.

On here, people (mostly women) are happy to argue the toss on anything...yet "in real life" (IRL), women are much more likely to give way in an argument than your average bloke.

Why?

By way of background, I did 10 years in the Army, followed by several years in the City and, whilst all the women I met/worked with were bright/confident etc, none would debate or discuss in the way that happens on here - blokes, on the other hand, "seem" no different.

Please explain.

Anecdotes do not equal data... who came up with that MN gem? One of my favourites.

Personal experiences to not disprove a hypothesis; however BA, you should remember that your hypothesis is based solely on your own personal experience, and may not be reflected in the experience of others, hence their need for anecdotes.

On the whole, I think women have fewer forums in which to be argumentative; a greater proportion of women than men are SAHPs or work in lower paid jobs where debate is not a factor. Having children also tends to obliterate those long nights spent arguing to the death in the pub about whether a green packet of crisps denotes salt and vinegar or cheese and onion flavour (it's salt and vinegar BTW).

But they are at your toddler group and at the school gates Anenome, it's just that it's not the time or the place to be debating deep and meaningful subjects.

spot on observation OP

I don't know. I can't speak for other women, I can only speak for me.

I like to think that I speak up when it's needed, in rl or on here. But that I try to be nice to people - in rl and on here. And am not needlessly confrontational -in rl and on here, and try to not hurt people - in rl and on here.

I suppose there are people who find the anonymity of the internet liberating and relieve their life frustrations by tapping out replies in a certain way.

But I would imagine there are far more like me than like them.

Barmy - if you stop making wild generalisations I promise to stop responding with individual counter-arguments.

I've always had more balls than a lot of men I've met, both here and IRL.

OP, your sweeping generalisation is based on your personal experience, which is why people are countering with their personal experience. Given some of the opinions you spout on here, I am not surprised that in real life people can't be arsed to argue the toss with you. They probably take the view that life is too short.

AgentZigZag...but we do go out for coffees and so on...we do talk....about things other than our kids!

I'm more prepared to argue in RL than on here because this is just the internet and you can walk away but RL has real people in it.

I assume because this is a discussion board and people come here to do exactly that discuss.

I also assume women are in the majority here too. hence why you get a lot of women here discussing.

In the real world you dont get someone asking you every 5 minutes am i being unreasonable etc.

Ooh, you haven't met me in RL, barmy!

I think in RL people tend to pick their fights. I have been known to kick off over things that are very important to me, but I wouldn't engage in a lengthy arguement about someone elses wedding or relationship as I would on here.

I think an element of it is that we are asked for our opinions here, so we give them freely, without censor. In RL, people rarely want to know what you truly think - they just want you to endorse what they have already decided. RL runs more smoothly if we are polite and I think that is ingrained in society (for the most part) and I like it that way. No one wants to spend their whole life argueing

I think that men are much the same as women (maybe a bit less prone to bitchiness) when it comes to polite conversation in RL. I think the men on here will argue the same as the women and in RL probably wouldn't bother so much and would engage in the usual trivial conversation at the school gate/at work for the reasons above.

I am more forthright in rl than I am on here.

I'm fairly new to MN - think its a fab place, if you got a problem - MN can help, great advice, great people. : )

I am the same in real life and find I'm alone in my quest to debate.

The point is, we are here, largely, to get involved in debate, to offer our own take on a particular subject/situation.

In RL - particularly in the workplace - it is just not appropriate to get into these debates. Although, of course, some do and are often seen as being unaware of boundaries and possibly as rather unprofessional.

My answer to your "thesis" is that women are generally better attuned to what is socially acceptable and appropriate. Men often lose that ability in their insecure desire to prove themselves. Constantly. Whather the the other person gives a toss or not.

Anenome "I keep thinking "But where are they in the real world"

Certainly not at MY toddlers group or school gates!"

Me too. I hoped to make close friends when I had children. Three and a half years on and I'm still hoping! I keep meeting the same bland, humourless mummies who only ever say nice things and shrink from making simple decisions, let alone mild confrontation.
FFS say something bitchy! Let go! Laugh! And please please please can we talk about something other than children!

lightlyscrambled I've come to the conclusion that most people are boring...SOME people are a combination of funny/daring/innovative/brave/clever/individual
But most people man or woman are very run-of-the-mill in personality and taste. They all have the same home decor, they go to the same places for holidays and they wear the same clothes and read the same books.

I also think many people lose their personalities when they become parents...living vicariously through their kids. Hence on SOME sites, you see user names like "ProudMumof3" and "Mum2Lois"

YAWN! Who are YOU though I always want to ask.

Gosh, perhaps you two ought to swap numbers?

Wow.

What a negative outlook on life.

I have come to the conclusion that most people are really interesting but don't often get the opportunity to show that. I've had some fabulous conversations (particularly online with people who otherwise don't get out much or are v shy in 'real life') and learned so much about different experiences and outlooks.

I think you miss out a lot by being so dismissive, Anenome and I find that really sad :(

In the army and the city, surely, as women are in the minority and likely to hit a glass ceiling, they will avoid confrontation to protect themselves. Here on MN we are in the majority, and the anonymity of the interweb allows for opinions to be aired without repercussion.

I agree Rubberduck.
I tend to think most people are bound to be terribly interesting, but it's not always possible to see those aspects of someone in certain situations.

Rubberduck...negative to you maybe..but not to me. I like people who are exciting in some way...extraordinary....that's not negative. Oh I know...EVERYONE is special...only they're not...not really.

humdrum job, humdrum conversation...NO original thoughts whatsoever....fine...the world would not work very well without a good mix would it?

Now people will say "Oh! So you think YOU'RE special or extraordinary do you Anenome?"

Well yes....I do think that.