To be scared of death?

[BlueCupcake]

I have a huge phobia of death and can't stop thinking about it.Wondered if any mn's are scared of this?
Have two beautiful dc's.Had ds2 recently so maybe that's my excuse for being such a miserable morbid sod

Leaving my children scare me.
Death does not i reckon it must be the best feeling in the world.

Karmann - are you OK?? That must have been a real shock for you. I have seen you around...I have read some of your other posts. Just when you were getting your life sorted out, something else comes along.... it's not bloody fair :( I know there's nothing I can do, but I am here anytime you want to talk x

I'm not frightened of being dead. I'm not religious, at all, but I believe there is another life after this, where we are reuninited with our loved ones - it keeps me sane thinking that.

I have my life in order here, so I'm not afraid not being here - I trust my loved ones to look out for each other. I trust them all to know how much I love them.

I am slightly frightened that the process of dying will be either drawn out or painfull - but it's not something I think about unless I'm asked or it comes up like this.

Your life experiences shape your thoughts around death and I think if you are worried about it, one of the best things you can do is make sure your affairs are in order - in particular what would happen to your children.

I had a burst appendix and my blood pressure dropped so low so quickly I had to be resuscitated. I do "remember" thinking it would be fine to stop breathing now as it hurt so badly and felt like too much to keep going. I also "remember" feeling suddenly warm and as if I was being passed round a room being hugged. It was a nice feeling. Warm and comforted. Before that I had been freezing cold and shaking so much I can remember the trolley I was lying on was rattling. The next thing I knew I was waking up from surgery and had no idea what happened. I thought I had been in a car crash. But I do still feel the memory of "dying" iyswim. So I get comfort that its not scary and when the time comes I think you get greeted by those who died before you.

I can't imagine losing a child. Or leaving behind a child. I guess you have to make peace with that scenario if it happens.

Wrinkly, I had the same with my mom, the night before she died, she said looking in my eyes, 'Thanks for all you and DH have done,you may not think it but I really appreciate it'. I thought it was strange of her to say it and got worried. I just knew something was wrong because she was always so fiesty and argumentative. I still cry now [18 months later] I should never have left her that night. She died in the night on her own, sitting in her chair. I went the next morning on my own to check her and I just knew when i opened the door that she had gone. I think she knew but I always blame myself for dragging her to the hairdressers that day because it may have led to her going. I really miss her, sometimes she was a pita but she was such a character, really funny at times. Oh for just a chat with her now.

"After a post partum hemhorrage I've come as close to death as you can probably get without ending up 6 feet under. I've seen the white light (yes really) and it was quite a calm, surreal moment."

That was pretty similar to my experience last year when exH tried to kill me. The 10 minutes or so that I fought were full of fear and panic, but then when he eventually had my windpipe squeezed tight and I could barely breath I suddenly felt very calm, and drifted "away" very slowly, the fear and panic had gone and very peaceful.

Thankfully it wasn't my time yet (otherwise this would be a ghost typing to you now ) and I came round a little later (and went totally hysterical and crazy for a while again)

i had pnd/anxiety attacks after the birth of my ds, the majority of attacks came about because i thought i was going to die, whether heartburn or a headache, stupid stuff like that. i still have "im gonna die" moments, i have a cold at the moment and felt so bad last night i thought i was going to die... which is ridiculous. If it does get to a point where it takes over your life (which it did mine) try going to therapy, i learnt some coping strategies that really help me keep sane.

As I said before, Bluecupcake, you must be having what WitchyWooWoo has been going through. It's quite normal after birth, especially a traumatic one.

I'm more scared of leaving the people behind that I love. The thought of having to leave DD, and her never seeing me again just leaves me breathless, I have tears welling up just from writing this sentence.

It just seems to unfair to spend your life loving people, and then have them taken away from you. It makes everybody seem so disposable and unimportant, when to you they are the most in disposable and important things in your world.

It's more the fear of the unknown for me too I think. How can there just be 'nothing' when you die? We have spent our whole lives thinking, feeling, dreaming, so for there to suddenly be absolutely nothing forever after that is just inconceivable to me.

I am quite selfish, I don't worry about me dying (am interested in what happens next), I do however get flashes of fear about either my DCs or DH dying, again quite selfish, because I don't want to be without them.

MrsDeVere I am so sorry for the loss of your DD.

This is actually what scares me the most since becoming a Mum, the loss of my DS. I worry about this quite a bit but I guess this is a somewhat normal parenting instinct, to want to keep our children safe and well.

MrsDeVere, you say your daughter was at home, with Mummy and Daddy, and had peace and dignity when she died. I guess this is a continuation of wanting the best for your children and that you ensured that your DD was able to die with no or little pain and was feeling safe with her parents who loved her... how lovely in one way [that you were able to give her a peaceful death] but of course still very for your and her father.

I am not scared of dying I held my baby as she died and it was very peaceful.

I am scared of leaving my children while they are young and them not having anyone to look after them.

I'm not scared of death but I am scared of dying in pain, particularly if the children are still quite little and have to witness it for example.

I was with my grandma when she died, it was a lovely summer's day and there was a hot air balloon show which I could see from the hospital window and was describing to her and then she wasn't there anymore.

Like everyone else, I worry constantly about the children dying or dying myself while they still need me. Having said that, I still need my mum and I'm mid-30s...

I remember hearing someone on tv saying it was a miracle that we were not thinking of dying all the time and that we manage to get on with our lives. So i think it is normal to worry but not be obsessed about it.
As i have got older a few people close to me have lost their parents and it has really hit home to me the pain that they face with the loss. I find the good times i share with my parents are tinged with sadness that they wont be around forever. I know i will never be the same again if something happens.
On the other hand my nan was 93 when she died and i feel she gradually faded personality wise so that we felt we had lost her over time and so when she actually died it felt quite natural if that makes any sense ?

shewillbeloved - your first sentence is just how I feel too. I recently turned 40 and the thought of death has been quite overwhelming at times.

If I dwell too much on it, especially at night in the dark, I really can get myself worked up into a panic...

I'm less worried about my own death than DH's. I have horrible visions of myself as an older lady (God willing) having to deal with the fact that he has died and coping on my own. The wave of loneliness is almost overwhelming.

I also get excessively sad at the thought that I might miss my DCs getting married themselves, my grandchildren, etc, that there will be parts of their lives that I will never see...

I do worry about this at times. It tends to be lying in bed at night and I suddenly get this stomach-drop feeling that time is ticking on and one day I won't exist anymore. I used to be a huge hypochodriac for severals years so spent a lot of time thinking I was going to die and worrying about death. I saw a wonderful therpaist for many years and we talked about dying many times. She worked with terminally ill people for a long time and had been with relatives as they passed away. She said the majority of people are very accepting of their death near to the time (even those who used to be terrified of it). She said it is generally a very peaceful process where people slip away and hospices etc are so good with pain relief now that it is unusual to die in pain.

I am far less scared of it now and if I start to think about it I stop myself and think of all the wonderful things in my life. Yes we all have a limited time here and yes we should enjoy all we can of it. Noone knows for sure what happens afterwards and it makes me feel good to believe something will happen after I die so I choose to believe that (even though I am not religious). My therapist said to me that it is a human instinct to want to believe that something happens after you die and that maybe there is a reason for that.

Sorry to bring this back up but just wanted to thank those of you who sent me their good wishes. Thank you.

Bluecup-
i rarely post on AIBU-but i saw youre thread and i felt like i needed to post.
[i havent read the other posts as there seems a fair few]
yes-i can understand you.
when i was 7-my dad tryed to burn our house down-with me/my sis/and my mum in it-
my mum was mentilly ill/my sis was a bit slow-and just sat there while all of this was happening-lucky enough-i realised this wasnt right-and got us out.
years later-the bloke that was raping me was also trying to kill me.
amongst all this-i also saw some of my friends die of Aids.
oh-and when i was 8-we watched a film at school-a very graphic and horrifying film about horoshima!
at the time-everyone was saying there was going to be a third war-and it was going to be nucluer.
as you can imagine-i was scared of dying-
then i had my eldest children-
i was scared of me dying and i was scared of them dying.
amongst all this-i lost two baby girls-
[early]and with one of them-i lost her as i caught mumps.
then-not only did i have a fear of death-i also had a fear of illnesses.
by this time-i became like that hoover bloke[google him]
i had massive panick attacks-i was too scared to go out-too scared to stay inside by myself-
everytime i shut my eyes at night-i had fuckin nightmares-
i used to sleep at night with the lights on-
a radio on and my dog by my side.
medication and councelling didnt help-
there was too much ingrained.
then-things changed.
my mum got very ill-and i was with her while she died-and i had to do my best by her-and i did.
6 months later-i was there when my little nephew died[he was 9]
6 months after this-i went back to my dad and did the best by him while he died.
[i had hated him-but two wrongs dont make a right]
i finally lost my fear of death-
fast forward-my sis has cancer[second time]
and she s been given a year at the most-
my [adult]daughter will also die[dont know how long]-but i dont fear death no more.
nowdays-theres life and death-but dont fear neither.
i have spent so much of my life fearing-but this has held me back from life-
please dont do this to youreself.
if i knew/felt like i do now-
there would of been so much unwasted years.
i wish that when i was younger-i could see what i can now-this would of saved a lot of distress.
life and death is two sides of the same coin-
please please dont be worrying what might happen-you will ruin youre life-
when it happens-you will deal with it-
and you will realise that worrying about it and dealing with it-is two difrent things.
i hope you find peace-i have.
xxx