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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When did you get your (child's) bottom out?

54 replies

Easywriter · 16/09/2010 19:13

Today my friend, freshly glowing from the superiority complex assumed after potty training her 2.7 year old son in 2-3 weeks, (can you tell I'm green with envy?) started to encourage me to potty train my DD.

History: I potty trained DD's1&2 at 2.10 months and it was a nightmare with one of them (she's only just about truly dry now at 6.10). For me it has definitely been the worst thing about being a parent.

My strategy was to wait. DD is due to start nursery in January and I was even hoping that they might do it for me.

So I was prepared to wait until she could demand to go on the loo before starting potty training. She's currently 2.10 and sometimes does a wee on the potty but isn't really that bothered.

My friend thinks that because it has to be done at some point, I should get on and do it and ultimately it's a win-win situation but I can't begin to tell you how much I don't want to do this.

Am I being unreasonable to wait simply because I can't be bothered and am a bit scared?

As well as a flaming(should you feel I deserve one I'd also like to know when you potty trained (especially if it was older than 3 and if you wished you'd done it sooner, or if you let someone else do it).

OP posts:
Meglet · 16/09/2010 21:37

yanbu.

In theory I could try and do 2yo DD now but it is going to wait until the spring and I can have some time off work. After battling with her older brother for almost a year I'm not going through that again.

suzikettles · 16/09/2010 21:45

I started potty training ds at 2.6 because I thought I should.

He's now 3.10 and we've really only stopped having at least 2 accidents a day in the last couple of months. So a year of wet clothes basically - why I didn't just give up I don't know.

It really is like night and day comparing now to even 3 or 4 months ago. He asks to go to the toilet or goes by himself..now, that's ready.

But it's hard when all your friends and family have them in pants by 2.6 and think that because they found it easy then it's easy for everyone.

BelleDameSansMerci · 16/09/2010 21:46

YANBU at all... My DD was about 2.10 and she's only just 3 now. She still has occasional accidents (because she doesn't want to stop what she's doing to go to the loo) but is that happens more at home than when we're out. I tried earlier - at about 2.5 and she just wasn't ready.

I think they're ready when they're ready and there's not much point forcing it.

mumbar · 16/09/2010 21:48

DS decided on his 2nd birthday he was too big for nappies Hmm not being perfect timing - party guests arriving 3 hours later Grin I went for pull ups (big boy dry pants to him!) and did it a week later while camping. (beats peeing on my carpet Wink. He got it within 2 days (daytime only). Night dry at 3.3.

Neighbours DD was 3 1/2 still running around with sodden nappy round knees, hanging out bottom of skirt - seemingly oblivious. She also PT in 2 days at 3.7.

Each and every child is different and they'll usually do it fairly quickly if its in their own time - when they are ready.

Only thing I would mention is - if its a pre-school place only ((eg. not private day nursery) some will not accept a child in nappies.

Best of luck when you decide to do it .

Original poster
Easywriter · 16/09/2010 21:53

Eeek! Mumbar, I'm afraid of that possibility.

I've been putting off making a call to see if that's the case all week.

Will have to call tomorrow (and find a different pre-school if they won't accept her in nappies! Hmm

OP posts:
deemented · 16/09/2010 21:55

What's it they say? Potty train them at 2, they'll be dry at three, potty train them at three, they'll be dry at three.

pranma · 16/09/2010 21:58

dgs is still in night time pullups and he is nearly 4 but has been clean and dry in daytime for about a year.

mrsbabookaloo · 16/09/2010 22:01

I did it earlyish with dd1 at 2 years almost exactly because I felt guilty about not using real nappies and wanted to make myself feel better by not putting any more nappies into landfill.

She cracked it in a couple of weeks and was dry at night only a couple of months later BUUUUT following pinkbasket's comment at 19:17, she is now 4.3 and I would still never go out without spare pants...she has phases of having accidents and also has weird slight poo incontinence (but that's another thread).

Dd2 only 15months so not thought about it yet.

Not really helpful to the OP, but just another perspective on why you might want to potty train earlier rather than later...save money and the environment by using less nappies.....

reallytired · 16/09/2010 22:02

Some children walk at 9 months where as some children cannot walk until 2 years old. There is a range of development that is normal.

With my son I took the nappy off him at 2 and half years old. It was a really hot summer and he quickly learnt to poo and wee in the potty. The problem we had was he did not understand the difference between a nappy and pants.

We went back to nappies and tried again a few months later. That was a failure and my son finally cracked it at 3 years and 3 months.

If a child has constant accidents its no fun for anyone. You might as well go back to nappies and try again in a few months time. There are no prizes for early potty training. When your children are eight years old no one is going to care at what age they were potty trained.

Iggi999 · 16/09/2010 22:08

DS learned quite quickly at 2.11. (poo is another story though).
As he was so big we were able to skip the potty and use the toilet straight away, which saved me one messy job at least!

Dlamis · 16/09/2010 22:10

Started ds1 just after he turned 3 due to pressure from pre-school. He wasn't ready and neither was I (new baby to deal with) and i really wish i'd stood my ground and waited. It was a disaster and 2 years later at nearly 5 he still has to take spare trousers to school and we can't go anywhere without spare pants and trousers just in case (although to be fair he's nearly got it now).

Ds2 otoh almost potty trained himself over the summer hols copying his big brother going to the toilet with minimal encouragement from us to go but lots of praise and fuss after he pointed to the toilet announcing "wee mummy" or "poo daddy" and is now (at 2.7) as dry as ds1 (at 4.11)

They couldn't have been more different to train. Try not to let your previous experience put you off going for it and influence how you deal with it. You might be pleasantly suprised too

TrillianAstra · 16/09/2010 22:12

YABU to use the phrase 'get your bottom out' because it made me click on a potty training thread and I still have no clue what it means! Grin

Original poster
Easywriter · 16/09/2010 22:18

Grin when did you get your (child's) bottom out ...of nappies?

See what I did there? Wink

OP posts:
mumbar · 16/09/2010 22:19

Easywriter - rest assured there are some that will - and potty train for you Grin

Advantage of PT in pre school setting is you may find that when faced with lots of LO's in fab pants then DD may just decide little princess pants are better than nappies and she wants them, also the social thing of visiting the toilet together Wink

cat64 · 16/09/2010 22:27

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TrillianAstra · 16/09/2010 22:27

It's an evil sneaky ploy to get people to click on your thread when they don't want to talk about potty training.

I thought it might be somehow related to birth, and wondered if the answer was going to be 'about 2 seconds after the head, they just slid right out' Grin

Original poster
Easywriter · 16/09/2010 22:29

I really hope that pre-school will take her and that it works as you say Mumbar.
I know I've been really jokey about it but I really can't bear the thought of it after DD1.

I feel like DD1's long PT was in some way my fault as after about a year of wet and pooey pants, I got annoyed and would be a bit short with her, which can't have helped at all. Admittedly, I got my act together pretty quickly but, given that DD1's personality is to be a bit of a rebel, I feel she then reacted to it by almost "deciding" that if I was going to get cross then she was going to keep pooing and weeing in her knickers.

I've worked so hard to be super smiley through it all (even when she'd had such a big shit in her pants that it had gone through all her clothing, then said "no, i don't need the loo" when I whispered do you need the loo to her, then she proceeded to sit down, thus completing the perfect dirty protest all over the lovely beige upholstery of my mum's new car!! Sorry!, this was at the beginning of this summer) and we're almost there, but, I know I'm not the woman for the job.

OP posts:
Original poster
Easywriter · 16/09/2010 22:32

Cat, I know I'm not really being rational or reasonable but I just don't feel I'm up to the task and am also being rather flippant.

I've been dreading this since DD3 was conceived and the time is almost here.

I think I'll wait a little longer

OP posts:
cat64 · 16/09/2010 22:38

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jetgirl · 16/09/2010 22:41

easywriter I think I remember you from the nov 07 group as my ds is the same age. He is not potty-trained yet, no-where near, and like you found the experience with dd the worst part of parenthood. I had to listen to some women going on about how in their day all children were dry by the age of 2, it's down to using disposables etc. I keep offering him the potty, we've bought pants, he chose a potty but he just does not like it and I refuse to get as stressed about it as I did with dd (and I'm sure I made things worse that time round)
As a parent you know your children best and you have to judge what is right for them.
cat64 I would be surprised if any nursery had ratios like that. My ds is at nursery so I will be sharing the potty-training with them, no choice but to as I work 3 days a week. The room he is in atm is 1 adult to 4 children.

cat64 · 16/09/2010 22:51

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smilingserenely · 16/09/2010 22:51

DD1 exactly 2 was reliable very quickly a spring baby so it was warm and dry easy to let her run round with pants etc
ds1 autumn born so waited till the spring when he was 2yrs 6 months not reliable until well after 3rd birthday
dd2 was planning to wait till she turned 2 in july after our holidays but she removed her nappy at 20 months and was never wet or dirty again
ds2 spring born again betwen 2 and 2.5 reluiable by 3
ds3 autumn born started at 2.5 not reliable until well after his 4th or even 5th birthday . iquite frankly despaired of ever getting him trained
dd4 started around 2 and she cracked it within weeks
ds4 decided to wait until the summer (a Christmas baby)and until he was at least 2.5 if not 3 as his brothers were not ready before this . he however sat on the potty at 18 months insisted on pants and was reliable both day and night from that moment . to my still considerable astonishment.

not sure what dd4 (6 months)will be like but having experienced the extremes of potty training from abject failure to rapid success i will definitely be waiting until i feel shes ready and not base the decision on just her age or what others are doing .
it is possible op that your dd maybe very different to her sister . with ds4 the potty was in the house he sat on it ocassionally maybe had a story etc . no pressure to perform but i just wanted him to sit on it occasionally so that when he was ready he would feel comfortable sitting on it.

maybe give it ago if you feel ready if it's not working after a week or two put the nappies back on and leave it for a couple of months .

solo · 16/09/2010 22:55

Why not go straight to toilet training?

Ds was trained on his 2nd birthday in 4 days. He used his potty for about 2 weeks on and off and then I got him onto the toilet and got rid of the potty. It was a further 6 months until I got rid of night nappies though.

Dd was 2.8 and I only left it that late because I couldn't deal with that as well as my dying Dad. Dd used a potty 3 times and then just the toilet and she required no 'training' per sé. She was very easy and had just 3 accidents once a day for the first 3 days and then she got the hang of it. Was dry at night too immediately.

Anenome · 16/09/2010 22:55

YANBU...I left it with my oldest DD until she was almost three..with my youngest she was 2 when I just put a potty on the floor...told her it was for wee-wees and let her walk about nappiless...she was on it within a cople of weeks...I have laminate floors though! She peed on the floor a lot and then I would just say "Next time you could do it in the potty if you like" and she did...after a couple of weeks of puddly floors.

Not good if you have carpets though!

Original poster
Easywriter · 16/09/2010 23:01

It is me Jetgirl it's reassuring to hear fron you on PT.

Thanks everyone. I think you've all been pretty supportive and I will wait a while longer (pre-school permitting).

OP posts: