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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children helping around the house

47 replies

HeathcliffMoorland · 15/09/2010 21:23

DD1 is 5 and DS is 4.

A few months ago, I started to insist that they help around the house (very light, usually just putting away their toys, laying the table...) before anything like telly-viewing takes place. I usually end up having to redo whatever they have done anyway. It's more about instilling self-discipline and responsibility from a young age. They really are doing very well.

I had a friend around the other day, who was a bit shocked and confused as to why I was doing it. She wasn't mean or critical, just a bit Hmm. AIBU to be doing this? Anyone else doing it? How is it going? Or is my friend right???

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 15/09/2010 21:25

no i think it's good to encourage them to help around the house, i think it helps them see it as THEIR house... not just yours.
it means they grow up taking for granted that you put stuff away and help get mealtimes ready instead of expecting others to do it

it's a good thing

anonandlikeit · 15/09/2010 21:25

Stick to your guns, I wish I'd started with my two a bit earlier, they do help out but its all a bit of a battle sometimes.
Its never too early to start and as long as your expectations of reults are age appropriate then I don't see a problem.

SecretSlattern · 15/09/2010 21:26

YANBU - wish I could get my kids to be a bit more helpful instead of trashing the place and expecting the tidying/cooking/cleaning/washing fairy to come and sort it out for them...

Original poster
HeathcliffMoorland · 15/09/2010 21:26

Thisisyesterday - that's what I thought too. This parenting thing always has me second-guessing my decisions!

OP posts:
Weegle · 15/09/2010 21:26

YANBU

I do this with DS (4). He is expected to help with tidying his toys, put his dirty clothes in the laundry, clear his plate and cups after meals/snacks, help lay the table if I ask, help with other bits and pieces like taking the compost out.

For pocket money he can clear up his sisters' toys (babies), and do other odd jobs like picking up the windfalls before mowing...

SmellsLikeTeenSweat · 15/09/2010 21:26

No, you're right. Children like 'helping Mummy', and teaching them that things need to be put away is part of civilised life. If you do it all they'll end up selfish & lazy & thinking you're their slave.

Exogenesis · 15/09/2010 21:26

Not at all my DD 4 has a list of"jobs" to do.

She has to tidy her toys, "make" her bed (she throws the covers back on the bed and hits her pillow one or two times)

She has to take her plate to the kitchen after meals oh and she sweeps the kitchen floor now and again. I think it's important she learns resposibility. I don't think its UR at all to expect children to have afew jobs to do and anyway small children like to feel grown up! Grin

Dartsbeginsagainsoon · 15/09/2010 21:27

I do this, and now that dd and ds are 10 and 6, they come home and sort their bags and lunchboxes, saving me the hassle of emptying out what is often a yucky mess.

I ask them to do things which are within their capabilities, eg dd has the task of collecting the bits needing recycling and putting them in the correct boxes in the garage.

They can now also sort and put their clean clothes away, among other things.

Original poster
HeathcliffMoorland · 15/09/2010 21:29

I do it partly because my own mother always did everything, until I was about 15, and then I was suddenly expected to know how to do it all and do it all well. It led to much friction, and it wasn't laziness on my part - just incompetence.

Hoping to prevent this!

OP posts:
Original poster
HeathcliffMoorland · 15/09/2010 21:31

And thanks for the replies everyone!

OP posts:
ElenorRigby · 15/09/2010 21:32

DD is just 3. She helps tidying up, puts her bowls/cups in the sink and even makes her breakfast ie putting cereal in bowl, getting own spoon, pouring milk...and other stuff like sy brushing her own teeth, she also tries very hard to dress herself and mostly does, she also likes to choose her own clothes.

So no YANBU, I think really gets them in the habit very early, so it becomes second nature later on.

HappySeven · 15/09/2010 21:32

Think it sounds a great idea - you've inspired me to follow suit!

FloraSeymour · 15/09/2010 21:33

I make mine do stuff - friends are amazed but then grumble about how their DC leave their crap everywhere

themothershipcalling · 15/09/2010 21:36

My DD is 2.6 and she helps me lay the table and puts her toys away at the end of the night.

What does your friend think, that you wait until they're 10 before you ask and then wonder why they won't help?

LarkinSky · 15/09/2010 21:36

Great idea: and it's fun for them, not a chore. You're hardly sending him to clean the chimneys are you?!

DD (20 months) tidies her toys away with me, and is learning that we put one toy away before getting the next one out. She's going through a stage of enjoying putting things back in boxes, bags, etc so it's fun for her.

She also puts her cup/plate by the sink after meals, and dirty nappies in the bin after changing. In fact she's a little obsessed with putting things in the bin... hopefully she'll turn into a tidier person than her slatternly mother!

Alieight · 15/09/2010 21:38

DS is 2. He helps tidy up his toys, puts his plate/cups in the kitchen after meals (can't really reach the sink yet), has to put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket.

He also 'helps' with the laundry (putting it in tumble dryer / helping me peg it out, which would take half the time if he didn't help), sweeps the kitchen floor (incredibly ineffectively Grin ) and makes an incredible mess with a bucket of soapy water and a sponge helps do the dishes after meals.

But he finds it all fun at the moment - not sure how he'll be when it's not a game any more.

Danthe4th · 15/09/2010 21:44

mine are older now but theyve always done jobs and helped out and now they do it without always being asked.
When they were little they were great with a packet of flash wipes, I had the cleanest skirting boards around!!

MollysChambers · 15/09/2010 21:49

YANBU. Wondered about starting a thread asking what chores others expected their DC's to do. Finding this thread very interesting.

taffetacat · 15/09/2010 22:02

YANBU

It seems to come much more naturally to DD(4) than DS (6) . Hmm

Examples of family chores include putting dirty clothes in laundry basket, tidying away toys, attempt at bed making ( this is very, very funny ), bringing empty plates to kitchen island.

PowderMum · 15/09/2010 22:06

My girls have always helped with chores now at 13 my eldest is quite capable of washing, drying and ironing clothes or cooking an evening meal. Not that she is expected to do it everyday.

However as we are all out of the house during the day we do share the chores in the evening so that everyone gets some me time.

silverfrog · 15/09/2010 22:18

dd1 is 6 (severe ASD)
dd2 is 3.

over the course of a day they:

get up and dressed, put dirty pyjamas in laundry basket.

dd1 switches off lights/closes doors (relevant to alarm system) on way downstairs.

help lay table for breakfast
help sweep up cereal after breakfast
dd1 packs her lunch and gather stuff for school
dd2 helps me around the house - eg sorting laundry, putting clothes in washing machine/tumble dryer
unloading dishwasher after school
lay table for tea, clear table afterwards, including wiping down
tidy toys away before bed
put dirty clothes in the laundry at the end of the day
wipe down basin in bathroom after cleaning teeth

If I am sorting washing during the dya, they will take their relevant pile upstairs and put away.

they help sort the recycling on bin day.

sounds a bit like slave labour, now I list it all Blush

atmywitssend · 15/09/2010 22:19

YANBU - DS (2.9) "helps" put toys/books away and lay / clear table, sweep floors and on very helpful days he likes to "help" to cook. Bed making is also becoming a favourite. Its the DC's house as well as the parents - so yes, they should help out in some way.

KickArseQueen · 15/09/2010 22:25

DD2 is 4, this morning as we went to go downstairs I said "is everyone ready"? and she said yes mum, I've made my bed and put away my jimjams, but I can't open my curtains remember"? So pleased. She loves coming home to a tidy bedroom, but for the last 2 weeks she has been mostly keeping it straight all by herself Shock

anonymousbird · 15/09/2010 22:26

YANBU at all, I have children exactly the same age and do just what you do.

Can't start too early, and actually, they quite enjoy it Confused. We play "tidy up music" and stuff and make it all quite fun.

Your friend is missing a trick, she needs to start this regime immediately!!! What could possibly be Shock about teaching your children to participate in, and contribute to, the smoother running of the home you ALL live in and ALL have to share?

Good on you, I'm on your team.

piscesmoon · 15/09/2010 22:30

YANBU. If I had my time over again I would have them all doing chores from the earliest possible age-the biggest mistake that I made was doing a lot myself because it was easier. It is very good for them.

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