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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my 8y old to walk around the corner to dance on her own?

50 replies

ladybirdladybirdflyawayhome · 14/09/2010 22:08

We live in quite a small town & our school is in the centre. on the same road is our local Gym where my 8y old daughter has just started dance classes after school.

Not a problem normally as I would pick everyone up from school, walk her to dance & then wait around for the 45 minutes to walk home togeather.

Tomorrow her sister is going to a friends after school so my 8y old has asked if she can walk to the gym on her own which also means I don't have to sit outside dance waiting & can just walk to pick her up at 4.45pm.

She is very sensible & I really do trust her but I do worry nosey old parkers will have something to say!!!

Would you let her walk the 3 minute walk to dance without spying on her from behind a tree?

OP posts:
Minxie1977 · 14/09/2010 22:18

Totally depends where you live - if no danger - probably!

LiquoriceLila · 14/09/2010 22:22

My Ds1 is 7 and very sensible so i would let him but it depends on the child really. Ifv its just about nosey parkers then i would say take no notice, people will always have something to moan about.

Karmann · 14/09/2010 22:24

Yes, I would. They have to start little stages at a time. It's still light and it's not far and she will feel very pleased with herself.

It won't stop you worrying though! She'll be fine.

collision · 14/09/2010 22:25

yes I would

seeker · 14/09/2010 22:27

Of course!

cece · 14/09/2010 22:28

I would

ZZZenAgain · 14/09/2010 22:29

does she have a phone,could she call you when she arrives there to put your mind at rest?

cat64 · 14/09/2010 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

woahthere · 14/09/2010 22:30

yeah, course!

Original poster
ladybirdladybirdflyawayhome · 14/09/2010 22:41

Really? I honestly thought I would get shot down for abandoning her.
She will have to get changed & wait 5 minutes for the class to start but by then all the other pupils will be waiting as well.

I have ummed over this all day & yes, the only reason I have said no is because of what other mums will have to say, she is a good girl & knows what is expected of her - I think I might ket her & just let one or two mummy friends know what we are doing so they can keep an ear on her for me.

Oh no my baby is growing up!!!!

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 14/09/2010 22:43

you have to feel comfortable with it. ONly you know when you and your dd are ready. We just don't.

TheCrackFox · 14/09/2010 22:46

I would do it.

DS1 was walking to and from school by himself at that age but it was only 5 mins away and the one busy road has a lollipop lady.

ChippingIn · 14/09/2010 23:05

Of course you can let her do it, it's not like she has to cross the M25 is it! Sod what anyone else says anyway, your child, your rules!

piprabbit · 14/09/2010 23:13

If it's the first time, I would give the dance teacher/gym reception etc. a call in advance to let them know your DD is going to arrive on her own.
That way they won't be surprised when she turns up unaccompanied, and could let you know if she failed to turn up for some reason.

ZZZenAgain · 14/09/2010 23:15

and if you feel you are not ready for it, don't feel you have to let her walk alone. Maybe ask one of the other mums if she could pick up your dd (from what you say her school is close to the gym anyway so not a huge thing to ask).

Check she knows how you want her to react with any problem situation that you can think of, don't overdo it but check she knows what you want her to do.

Oldjolyon · 14/09/2010 23:45

Yes, I would allow my DD to that if I felt she was ready.

Although, I would either give her a phone and ask her to call me when there, or ask another mum to keep an eye on her.

I would also check that she knows what to do if there is a problem.

I agree with the PP who says that you need to start giving independence in a drip feed manner.

Clary · 14/09/2010 23:49

If she and you are OK with it I would say it is fine.

Original poster
ladybirdladybirdflyawayhome · 15/09/2010 10:40

Thanks, this morning she asked again & I said that I would let hr do it - she was very pleased.

On the way to school wwe chatted about it all & I asked her what she would do if she didn't feel comfortable at any time & what number sh would give the lady at the gym if she wanted me to come over etc & she answered all of it correctly.

Got to school & told 3 school mums who I know will be around after school & they didn't look very impressed with me at all - que the gossip engines going into overdrive as I walked away [hmmm]

Oh well, my daughter will be so pleased with herself & I trust her judgement (and mine)

Thanks again.

OP posts:
seeker · 15/09/2010 12:09

It's a 3 minute walk! What sort of problems are people anticipating, for heaven's sake!

Original poster
ladybirdladybirdflyawayhome · 15/09/2010 13:06

I know seeker but I am the mum who got accused of not giving a toss because I let my 6y & 8y old play out front, walk around our very small block togeather at the weeekend. There are loads of reasons why I let them but I won't bore you Grin

We live in a vey small town so everyone gets involved, it's a downside to living in an otherwise lovely & peacfull place I guess.

I wonder what independence others allow their mature 8y old?

OP posts:
Fennel · 15/09/2010 13:12

yes I would and do. Noone has ever criticised this to my face, my 6yo roams pretty freely round here, and my 8yo has been going to and from school and other places alone for ages.

I would not ask the teacher to phone, the teacher is busy, it's not her problem. and I wouldn't give the dd a phone cos it seems overkill for an 8yo on a 3 minute walk. Go early to the dance class the first time if you are worried about her arriving safely, and after a week or two you'll all be used to the arrangement.

mumto2andnomore · 15/09/2010 13:18

No, I wouldnt, what if the class is cancelled, or there is a fire alarm at the gym and everyone is evacuated or something ? You are then relying on someone else to sort out your child which is not their responsibilty.

Hope it goes ok though.

Fennel · 15/09/2010 13:22

A sensible 8you would join the mass evacuation in case of fire, and stand in the group with everyone else, and say "my mum's picking me up after the 45 minute class" to anyone asking her what she was doing.

and if the class was cancelled, maybe the gym should let you know. or the child could wait in the foyer. Send her with a book if you think that's likely, and talk over with her what she might do in these scenarios.

I do that regularly with my 10 and 8yos. what they'd do at home if DP or I didn't come home. what happens if someone knocks on the door. what happens if there's an accident. what to do if circumstances change. A sensible 8yo can cope with this, I think.

SlightlyJaded · 15/09/2010 13:25

I would let her do it but I would hide behind a tree the first time. That way, you will know that she is ok, she will feel proud of herself and you can let her do it next time with more confidence that she is going to do as expected

Sod the nosey parkers

seeker · 15/09/2010 13:29

If there's a fire alarm, the person in charge of the class will be in charge. Presumably parents don't hang about every week so as to rescue their child if the building spontaneously combusts!

if the class is cancelled, presumably she either walks home or waits for her mother to turn up. It's only 45 minutes.