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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not allow my 8y old to walk around the corner to dance on her own?

50 replies

ladybirdladybirdflyawayhome · 14/09/2010 22:08

We live in quite a small town & our school is in the centre. on the same road is our local Gym where my 8y old daughter has just started dance classes after school.

Not a problem normally as I would pick everyone up from school, walk her to dance & then wait around for the 45 minutes to walk home togeather.

Tomorrow her sister is going to a friends after school so my 8y old has asked if she can walk to the gym on her own which also means I don't have to sit outside dance waiting & can just walk to pick her up at 4.45pm.

She is very sensible & I really do trust her but I do worry nosey old parkers will have something to say!!!

Would you let her walk the 3 minute walk to dance without spying on her from behind a tree?

OP posts:

motherinferior · 15/09/2010 13:29

My older daughter has been walking the 10 minute journey to school on her own from time to time since she was eight. We live in south east London. Most of her friends do the same.

Kewcumber · 15/09/2010 13:31

my nephew was succesfully negotiating the London underground to get to school at 8!

pagwatch · 15/09/2010 13:32

Of course I would.

I am going to speak to the school to see if she can walk to school next year. It is about 15 minutes. My only resrvation is the hideous traffic near the school

mungo8 · 15/09/2010 13:33

I would let her walk it as long as there were other people around. I let my DD 8 walk home from school last year after she had turned 8 she wanted to do this she is very confident and sensible, it is a route that is walked by lots of parents after school, I know other parents didn't approve and my daughters teacher didn't approve either we live less than 10 minutes away from school with no roads to cross so I didn't see a reason to not let her. It didn't stop me worrying and finding the most ridiculous task to be doing in the front garden when it was school home time though.

diddl · 15/09/2010 13:54

I´m also in a small town-an advantage of which (imo) is that you can do this sort of thing.

Here many children walked to school-a couple of kms almost from day one (start at 6yrs old) & in yr3 biked unsupervised.

zukiecat · 15/09/2010 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

verytellytubby · 15/09/2010 20:10

No way but I live in London and the roads are so busy. Also my 8 year old is a very young 8 year old so she wouldn't be happy to do it.

alarkaspree · 15/09/2010 20:13

It sounds like you are confident she'll be fine but just worried about what your neighbours will think? In which case definitely go for it. They'll probably all be behind their curtains thinking you're mollycoddling her if you do take her.

seeker · 15/09/2010 20:53

'my children my decision. As this is yours if you do not feel comfortable with letting your daughter walk to the class on her own then don't!'

Oh, i so disagree with this! Most of us would keep out children wrapped in cotton wool until they were 40 - but we have to go against all our instincts and let them go. It's not about whether we feel comfortable, it's about what's best for our children. Ad what's best for them is to learn to be independent and to do things on their own.

Original poster

ladybirdladybirdflyawayhome · 15/09/2010 21:35

I really do agree again with seeker.

I don't want her to walk herself to dance, i'm happy to take her & then mooch around the shops waiting for her to finish, but as the eldest of 3 I do think she takes on so much responsibility at home that the time has arisen for me to give her this little bit of independence.

She did walk to dance & I did hide behind a parked car to check she went in ok.

She was very blaise about her new found independence & exclaimed "it was only round the corner mummy" when I gave her a well done you hug.

The mums are a very different story & most have said there was no way they would allow their daughters out of their sight until at least year 6 - that is fine for them but this worked for us today.

OP posts:

ChasingSquirrels · 15/09/2010 21:42

well done you, and her - bet she was secretly chuffed to bits.

motherinferior · 15/09/2010 22:00

Good god, those other mothers are going to be hit like a ton of bricks when secondary school arrives...

Original poster

ladybirdladybirdflyawayhome · 15/09/2010 22:10

MIF I have thought that myself, I have been made to feel pretty low this afternoon with mums that I would say I know well telling me they were really worried about my daughter walking alone - they don't know i hid behind a parked car

Our senior school is next door to our school. Today I worked out a way to get my daughter to cross the road just once & then be able to get to school without crossing a road again.

In my mind I can see my daughter doing this walk for year 5 - she will then be 9.

I will worry & fret & no doubt hide behind a few more parked cars

OP posts:

DunderMifflin · 15/09/2010 22:17

i'm with seeker too - my dd has been walking some or all of the 10min journey to school since the start of term - she's 7 and her confidence has boosted massively since doing this (not that she was exactly a shrinking violet before!).

she wanted to do it and, as I told her, DH's and my job is to prepare her for being independent - things like this are the first step so the gossipers can shove it! I don't think that all children should or would be happy doing this but I do think that when it's right then go for it.

mumeeee · 16/09/2010 00:14

Yes let her. She will be fine as you've said it's just up the road from her school.

diddl · 16/09/2010 07:39

So looking at OP again-the dance class is on the same road?

She doesn´t have to cross a road?

Heavens!

I´d be seeing if there were other children who could walk with her & make it a regular thing so that I could just collect her from that rather than collect after school & wait around[selfish mother]

Here secondary school starts at 10yrs and I´m afraid any child taken to school by mummy would be laughed at.

LadyBiscuit · 16/09/2010 07:52

Goodness me, when are these mums going to allow their children some freedom and the ability to make risk assessments on their own? Do they think that it happens by magic in Year 6?

I think that's great that she wanted to do it and good on you for ignoring the frankly bizarre attitudes of the nosey parkers :)

piscesmoon · 16/09/2010 08:12

I feel so sorry for today's children. She wants to do it and it is 3 minutes! I think you could let go without hiding behind a tree when she is 8 yrs old!! In an emergency like the class cancelled she could use her gumption and explain the situation to a teacher. If there was a fire alarm the adult would take charge. Children need to risk assess and take responsibility. They are wrapped in cotton wool-not allowed to do anything and then at 18yrs can walk out of the house and go to Thailand or Peru on their own-it makes sense to start gradually and start young. An 8 yr old can get herself to a dance class with a 3 minute walk, on a journey she has done many times without Mum in attendance! Don't worry about others-just feel sorry for their DCs.

celtiethree · 16/09/2010 10:34

I would have no problem letting an 8yo walk 3 mins. My DS 7 and 10 walk 25 mins to and from school unsupervised. They have been doing this for more than a year. At the weekends they have the freedom to go to the corner shop and/or down to the high street (very small town. The one caveat with the 7 yo is that he cannot go by himelf - but I will let him once he is 8.

Original poster

ladybirdladybirdflyawayhome · 16/09/2010 11:57

Again thank you for all the replys, real eye openenr actually.

When at the school this morning I did receive some sly looks & whispers but I don't think I helped that by letting my daughter run ahead & I went into asda for milk before finishing the school run with my younger daughter & then waving them both into school.

Thanks again

OP posts:

Fennel · 16/09/2010 12:15

Are you sure they're really whispering, or about that? We've lived in 3 very different areas (big city, small city, village) But many older primary children have had that sort of freedom in all 3 places. Not all, some parents don't, but there have always been a few who walk to school alone or go out to play alone by 8 or 9.

Deliaskis · 16/09/2010 15:42

Firstly, I thought the thread title was both ambiguous and hilarious, and thought this was about insisting your DD danced in front of you (or with her friends) instead of hiding round the corner to do it on her own.

Then confused as to the 'what if there's a fire alarm' posters? Well this could happen whether she walks alone or not, I am now wondering if my Brownie mums all sit outside in their cars for an hour each week just in case the building sets alight.

But to be a bit more sensible, if you're happy with it, she is, and there is a procedure in place for if things don't go to plan, then I think it is fine, and none of anyone else's business really. I would just stress to the class teacher that she is doing this so the teacher knows how important it is to keep people informed if e.g. the class is cancelled, and to likewise for you to tell her if your DD is not going so she doesn't worry when she doesn't turn up.

fluffy123 · 16/09/2010 15:52

If it feels right ,let her, if not wait until it does.

Blu · 16/09/2010 16:12

It is completely and totally fine, as long as she feels happy about it.
DS has been walking to school (urban S London) on his own since he was 8, and thoroughly enjoys the independence - it has increased his overall confidence, too.

I don't really see any issue with this at all.

Original poster

ladybirdladybirdflyawayhome · 16/09/2010 22:48

Deli, re-reading my title I can see where you are coming from & can't believe that after 2 pages you are the only person to point out my lack of punctuation

You did make me laugh, should she dance alone around the corner

OP posts:

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