...........to feel uneasy about allowing my 9yr old to

[CheekyGirl]

...roam around the village?

I'm concerned I'm being over-protective.

I have a lovely 9yr old dd who is very sensible and we live in a medium-sized rural village.

Dd goes to school in the next village, so mainly socialises with friends from that village for playdates etc.

However, she is very friendly with my bf's dd who is the same age and lives in our village. Bf's dd is quite 'adult' ie. has a 'boyfriend', mobile phone, dresses in very fashionable clothes and is allowed to cycle/walk around the village and 'hang out' at the park. This is generally with another friend or group of friends, but without adult supervision.

Although my bf is very sweet and has never said anything to me, I know she thinks I ABU for not feeling comfortable with allowing my dd to do the same.

TBH, I don't know whether it's the going out on her own that bothers me, or whether it's the type of thing they do whilst out. I just don't feel comfortable with the whole 'hanging around', mobile phones etc at my dd's age. I suppose I thought she would be doing that when she was a teenager, not just 9!

My dd's friends at her school are far more 'little girl' still - making up dances, playing 'spies', climbing trees, collecting small toy animals etc and I guess my feeling is that this is more appropriate for a nine year old.

Oh, I don't know......

how old is your fb's dd?

YANBU. I don't like it when girls act older than their age. IMHO what you describe is what I expect from teenagers (they're not doing anything wrong, just not being kids)and 9 year olds should be playing games, not talking about "boyfriends".

I wouldn't.

neither would i , i wouldnt.

Bf's dd is also nine, but a few months older. My dd was nine in June.

It's such a relief to hear responses so far. I really don't want to restrict my dd or hold her back from growing up, far from it! It's just that this behaviour from bf's dd and her friends makes me uncomfortable.

YANBU, there is a similar set up in the large village where we live
-unsupervised groups of teens and younger kids roaming around.

DS has been invited to join and I've always refused, particularly after witnessing numerous bullying incidents with other children ( and yes, I did intervene on one occasion).

not at 9. the other girl sounds way too grown up for her age.does her mum know she has a 'boyfriend'?

I have just started leting my nearly 12 year old wander a bit furthur afeild

9 is to young IMO

YANBU

what is the age range of the group? it is things like this where younger children end up in situations they shouldn't be in.

Oh yes, my bf knows about the 'boyfriend' - she actively encourages all her dd's behaviour.

We've been friends since the girls were a year old, and she's always seemed very keen for her dd to 'grow up'. She's an only child, so I wonder sometimes if my bf is bringing her up to be her friend rather than her dd iyswim.

My dd doesn't often ask to be allowed 'out', only when she gets together with this friend. Which is every Friday after school. My dd is allowed to play out in our very safe close, which isn't always in my line of vision, but I like to check on her every now and then.

Booyoo - group is mainly 9-10 year old girls with a few boys, I think. Many have older siblings and seem to be copying their behaviour.

I think you are 100% right. I have 9 yr olds and imo they are far too young for all that.

As for a 'boyfriend' at nine...purlease!

My older dd is nearly 12 and she has only just going to visit her friends on her own but she is expected to be back when we say and we have to know where she is. She has a mobile too now but I feel all this has only come about because she is older and must have a little more responsible freedom because she is now at senior school.

The 9 yr olds don't even walk to school alone yet and aren't at all ready to be left to their own devices for long.

I let my 9 year old DD wander, not round the entire(small) town that we live in, but certainly around our estate, to the shops etc.

I felt uneasdy about lettin her too, and only started when I saw a group of her classmates out wandering around and realised I might be holding her back a bit.

I now let her go to the local shop, her auntie's and her grandma's, none of which are more than a 5minute walk and also play out with friends round the estate out of my eyeshot/hearing.

Having said that, she is a very sensible girl and I think iy all depends on the individual child how much leeway you give them.only you know your dd well enough to gauge how much rope you let her have

Well I have friends who let their 8 year olds pop to a shopping area in (very nice but busy) London. I wouldn't (couldn't do this).

I used to let my dc go to the local shop together at 8 and 6 when we lived in suburbia ie one shop in the middle of purely residential streets, with no roads to cross. But I was nearly sick the whole 5 mins they were out!

Would be happy with the roaming, but not with the general tone of this peer group. We spend the summers abroad and it is lovely to see how the dcs thrive on being let off the reins a bit. But then the local youngsters are very nice and have sensible parents.

i agree cory, it is the group that is making me wary. the fact that this other girl is sooo grown up, or tries to be. i would worry about what she would get up to to try and appear more grown up for the others and also, what she might influence OP's DD to try.

I lived in a small village that had a group that I feel into one summer when I was about nine. That summer I learnt more about sex than I have since and got to watch my older friend being felt up by boys. i was secretly relieved when my mum stopped allowing me out.

The clothes, 'boyfriend' and 'hanging out' would send sirens blaring in my head. Probably not reasonable but they would.

I don't think there's anything wrong with the roaming around or the mobile phone- if she's roaming around, I would want her to have one if I were her mother.

I have a mother who still thinks that I should be supervised crossing the road but I was allowed to ride my bike off with friends at that age. I think that it's so established as the norm to restrict DCs movements now that we tend to overreact to parents that allow their children more freedom. I wish I could be more relaxed about it.

The older behaviour would worry me more in a few years TBH. I'd worry about the influence she'd have as a 12/13 year old.

It's not the 'playing out' that would bother me, it's what they're doing. I would happily let her 'play out' with the other more little girl girls, but I wouldn't let her 'play out' with the mini teenagers. It's tricky when you bf is involved though I think she'd/we'd just be 'busy' a lot! Can you arrange other things they can do on a friday after school? Like a sport, or club? S they still get to spend time together but in a controlled environment.

It's not the roaming so much as the kids she's roaming with.

Are there any other girls around that she could go out with?

My ds goes out with his mates in the village, but he has to check in every hour unless I know that they are doing something that makes this difficult, in which case he can have a dispensation not to check in.

maryz - exactly!

there are 3 little boys where i live that play together. they are 9, 10 and 11. they spend their time racing on their gokarts, teaching the dog of one of the boys tricks, playing kerbsy, racing snails etc. is that not what most 9/10 year olds do? i know i certainly did at that age.

I used to wander around our village at 9... but we were mooching around the fields, building dens, poking sticks into things, and general "kid" stuff. I wouldn't be concerned specifically about roaming around the village, but would be about aimless "hanging out" with friends who had boyfriends and dressed and behaved older than their years.