...........to feel uneasy about allowing my 9yr old to

[CheekyGirl]

...roam around the village?

I'm concerned I'm being over-protective.

I have a lovely 9yr old dd who is very sensible and we live in a medium-sized rural village.

Dd goes to school in the next village, so mainly socialises with friends from that village for playdates etc.

However, she is very friendly with my bf's dd who is the same age and lives in our village. Bf's dd is quite 'adult' ie. has a 'boyfriend', mobile phone, dresses in very fashionable clothes and is allowed to cycle/walk around the village and 'hang out' at the park. This is generally with another friend or group of friends, but without adult supervision.

Although my bf is very sweet and has never said anything to me, I know she thinks I ABU for not feeling comfortable with allowing my dd to do the same.

TBH, I don't know whether it's the going out on her own that bothers me, or whether it's the type of thing they do whilst out. I just don't feel comfortable with the whole 'hanging around', mobile phones etc at my dd's age. I suppose I thought she would be doing that when she was a teenager, not just 9!

My dd's friends at her school are far more 'little girl' still - making up dances, playing 'spies', climbing trees, collecting small toy animals etc and I guess my feeling is that this is more appropriate for a nine year old.

Oh, I don't know......

Oh, and we raced snails too, booyhoo has brought it all flooding back... [happy memories]

'Racing snails'

It's nice to know that in these days of x-box and t'internet the old hobbies survive

It is probably very unfair Cheekygirl but I would start finding ways for your daughter to be too 'busy' to hang out. Maybe a new after school activity and/or arranging for her to have lots of children from her school around for tea even if it means driving them home. If you do it very gently several months it shouldn't cause too much friction with your friend. The dark nights coming will help- she can't go to the park if it's dark at 4pm.

I would definitely want the friendship to be gone by the time they start secondary- when they might be at the same school.

This debate has been quite big hasn't it? What age etc.

I chatted to Mum about this: to give context, we w ere allowed to walk to school (one main, a few minor roads) in a friendship group at 7.

She says that whilst she still thnks she did right, she wouldn;t now- simply far more cars, etc. And whilst yes walking tos chool etc reduces cars, those of us who live in villages know that as long as people have to access schools a few miles away either just to get to their closest or a decent one then it's not enough to solve it. When I was small you went to the lcoal school and you could get there in twenty minutes; now kids come to ours from miles around. Many miles- ten or more.

Matthew Wright (yuck) today was trying to portray this as a Paedophillia-fear thing and whilst I know for some (is an argument I ahd with BIL) it is I think for most of us it's traffic, combines with such things as busy lives and complex morning routines.

And whilst I was allowe dout I wasn't climbing trees or other healthy stuff- I was playing in builder's yards, walking on lock gates in deep canals with sheer concrete sides, shoving fibreglass from half built estates down my mates backs (and them to me). Not stuff I want the kids doing tbh.

Now, for ds1 and ds3 (10 and 7) this isn;t an issue in the same way due to SN 9although ds1 wants out and it's a hard one- he isn;t safe enough). DS2 however is nine and we're just at the stage of letting uim stay home alone if we pop out- probably would have done a year ago but for risk of offending elder brother. Had we not ahd ds1 I;d probably be happy for ds2 to pop to the Spar now or to school (2 minor roads and a pedestrian crossing, 4 minutes max) but not further yet.

i love watching them play as i do the dishes. it brings back memories for me too.

They will be at the same secondary school. I am hoping that dd will be happy with her group of friends from her school and won't mix too much with bf dd.

When bf dd comes here, they are happy to play around the house/garden/close. Bf has obviously told her dd that my dd isn't allowed to 'go out' and not to keep asking me about it. I know bf respects my choice, even though I am aware she probably thinks I ABU.

Just tell her that it's not that your DD isn't allowed to go out, it's that you think her DD is a bad influence. That should sort things out nicely....

[Disclaimer: Don't.]