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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that a baby crying at night because of illness isn't the same as playing your music really loud all the blardy time!!

26 replies

memoo · 13/09/2010 14:44

My nextdoor neighbour frequently has her music blasting, sometimes its so loud that I can feel the vibrations through the floor!!

I have just been round and very politely asked her if she can keep it down a bit, especially in the evenings when I am trying to get DD3 to sleep.

She was so rude and said that she'll continue to play her music as loud as she likes because I 'let' DD scream in the early hours of the morning!!

DD is just coming up for 12 months and has had a nightmare few weeks with her teeth coming through. I have spent many nights pacing the floor trying to sooth her but not much works really so its true that she has been crying a lot during the night but what the feck am I suppose to do?

OP posts:

Odysseus · 13/09/2010 15:20

Hmmmm. YAB a little bit U I think.
The rudeness is not acceptable, but I can see her point that your baby screaming is as irritating to her as her music playing is to you.

I have a 10mo, and during the summer when he was teething and the windows were open, he'd be up in the night screaming. A neighbour 5 doors down said she'd heard him and I was mortified.

There's nothing you can do about a baby crying, so one expects people to be understanding. By the same measure, if someone wants to play loud music, as long as it's not at a daft time of night, they are entitled to imo.

Meglet · 13/09/2010 15:23

yanbu.

If your baby cries, he cries.

But she can turn down the volume a notch.

Hammy02 · 13/09/2010 15:36

YABU-I don't think I would complain about someone else's noise if I knew that my neighbour's peace was being disturbed by noise from my house-even though its not your fault.

CatIsSleepy · 13/09/2010 15:40

YANBU, your neighbour is being unfair, you can't help your dd crying, your neighbour certainly could play her music a little more quietly. She is being petty.

GetOrfMoiLand · 13/09/2010 15:41

YABU

Yes she is being petty, but I think you were cheeky complaining about her music when you know your baby has been crying recently.

KERALA1 · 13/09/2010 15:44

YANBU. She can easily turn her music down it is loud because of her selfish preference. Sadly babies do not come with volume control. But then I am biased against loud music players, selfish, childish gits.

xstitch · 13/09/2010 15:45

The thing is having a baby cry is not a choice. Sometimes it is very difficult to stop them crying.

However turning the volume up on the music is a choice. You can listen to music without the volume being up full blast, you cannot however have a baby that never cries. I would be worried about a child that never cries.

So imo OP yanbu.

BongoWinslow · 13/09/2010 15:46

YANBU - DD crying is not remotely the same as loud music (the latter is a choice!).

Plus no one needs music on that loud.

Call the council and make a noise complaint.

IsabellaSwan · 13/09/2010 15:46

Think she is being U - you can't help the fact that your child is crying. However I do think you picked an unfortunate time to raise the issue with her, as she probably felt she was "justified" in telling you to stuff it given the noise that your household has been making. Do you think she might perhaps have been playing the music extra loud recently in order to try and make a point to you?

GetOrfMoiLand · 13/09/2010 15:50

Perhaps she had her stereo on full to drown out the noise of the baby crying.

Odysseus · 13/09/2010 15:52

All these people saying music is a choice...having a baby is a choice.
We choose to go down the route of having a baby, our neighbours have no say in it, then we inflict the wailing on our neighbours.

CatIsSleepy · 13/09/2010 15:58

i get your point odysseus

it's just not very nice to play music really loudly in retaliation is it? a bit un-neighbourly in fact

soccerwidow · 13/09/2010 16:19

I had the exact same arguement with my downstairs neighbour (maisonette)

DH knocked one night at about 3am to ask them to turn the music down - She replied "well your baby wakes us up at 4am everynight!"

Luckily they moved away when DS was a few months old.

I symphasise with you - living like that can be pure hell!

Now we have lovely quiet neighbours that we rarely hear but they moan all the time about my 2 DS making slightest noise.

Not sure which is worst tbh!

They once complained that DS footsteps work them up at 7.30 (his usual time) and they had wanted to sleep till 9am as they had week off. They then asked me not to allow the boys up till 9am! (DS are 1 & 3 yrs btw)

Odysseus · 13/09/2010 16:20

No it's not very nice, and it isn't what everyone would do to one's neighbours - but if they get enjoyment out of having their music up loud now and then, why shouldn't they do that? Keeping your neighbours up all night with one's screaming baby isn't very nice either.
I don't like it when my neighbours have BBQs when they can see I have my washing out - but that's what comes with living on a postage stamp with your chin touching your neighbours, as we all seem to be nowadays.

GColdtimer · 13/09/2010 16:28

YANBU, I hate it when people play their music so loud you can feel the vibrations. Not much you can do about a teething baby crying, you can however turn your music down.

She is being petty.

Original poster

memoo · 13/09/2010 16:37

She doesn't play her music now and then though, she does it really frequently! I can't hear our TV over it sometimes. Plus DD's crying won't go on forever whereas neighbour has been blasting her music like this for months and is obviously going to continue.

I can see though how I could come across as being unreasonable just not sure what I can do about my crying baby?? its not like I can turn her down is it?

OP posts:

Odysseus · 13/09/2010 16:42

Sounds to me like two separate issues - and that going to speak to her at a time when your LO is going through a bad at nights patch, wasn't well timed, cos she could then feel like she had an excuse to be rude.

If it is as loud and as frequent as you say then I would agree with what another poster said about going to the council. See if you can get her ASBO-ed :-)

As for the teeth - it'll pass - hang in there. And keep the windows closed

taintedpaint · 13/09/2010 17:40

YANBU but you picked a bad time to raise the point. You may have got a better reaction if you approached her post-teething time. And I know you can't help that your baby cries, but the annoyance of being woken up by somebody else child can be comparable to being woken up by loud music. Most people will understand and sympathise, but they can't really be expected to, and if it's been going on for a while, it's easy to see how she would be wound up by it. You might find you've given her food for thought though, and she might turn the music down without further word.

I can see both sides of this tbh, though I do have more sympathy for you as your baby obviously doesn't have a volume button!

Confuzzeled · 13/09/2010 17:52

I think YANBU, I have a similar issue with my neighbour who plays loud music at all hours, so loud my pictures fall off the wall.

A baby crying because it's in pain is hardly a choice of yours and your doing everything you can. How old is she, maybe if she has kids in the future she'll feel like a twunt.

StayFrosty · 13/09/2010 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nkvd · 13/09/2010 18:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Safari10 · 13/09/2010 19:53

YANBU. Stupid woman - there is such a thing (I hope) in this country still as manners, the done thing, etiquette etc - and playing music so it blasts through the walls is anti-social behaviour. Must be horrible for you. I used to live somewhere like that and it just adds to the stress of being a mum, especially as it always seems to happen when you are trying to get DC to sleep or when they already are asleep!

Babies cry - it's what they do. Clearly she doesn't have a kid herself. Actually I would be worried if she did! You think maybe she would come and see you if it was really causing her a problem; I suspect she plays her music loudly because SHE WANTS TO and a bit of crying is giving her the perfect excuse. Anyone will an ounce of life experience knows and accepts that families make noise. So long as it's "reasonable" and not constant, daily screaming/fighting from neglected children!

I just feel sorry for your DC trying to sleep when teething and a nutter woman next door blasting her music through the walls, I mean, it's hardly going to improve things is it. In all honestly I would steer clear though as she sounds quite agressive, and as nkvd said, speak to environmental health and also keep a diary (including her agressive comments to you).

HeathcliffMoorland · 13/09/2010 19:57

I feel sorry for you and your poor child.

However, I do find the sound of a crying baby as bad, or worse than loud music.

I disagree wholeheartedly with your neighbour and her attitude.

I do understand her frustration.

WhatTheWhat · 13/09/2010 20:04

I would think that even the loudest baby cries would not make it through walls and earplugs, whereas I bet her music does get through both.
IMO, if you can still hear your neighbours through earplugs, they're way too loud and you should definitely get the Council involved and keep a diary (including as many previous incidents as you can recall).
If the baby is being disturbed, you could consider putting a fan or something in their room - a bit of white noise can work wonders.

huddspur · 13/09/2010 20:22

YABU if there is a lot noise coming from your house (whatever the source of it) then I don't think you can starting complaining about other people making noise.

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