Perfectly reasonable things which you unreasonably unreasonable about

[GetOrfMoiLand]

Names with umlauts in them, unless you live in Germany or nordic lands. I don't mind accents in names, or that funny dot above the i in Irish names, but names with umlauts in get on my tits. Especially Zoë. Everyone can pronounce it when it is spelled Zoe. It is just attention seeking.

thats'notmyfruitshoot

I HATE 'I was sat..' Likewise, 'I was stood...'

Inefficiently stacked dishwasher

People folding maps back up incorrectly

People (DP) who start a new tub/jar/bottle of food/shampoo/washing up liquid when there's a bit left in the old one, so you end up with 12 nearly empty bottles of ketchup cluttering up the fridge

People sniffing with monotonous regularity on public transport. Blow your effing nose you utter oaf.

People who, when asked if they would like a cup of tea or coffee, reply, "Whatever is easiest." or "Whatever you are having."

I always want to say that it would be easier not to make them anything or that I'm having a vodka.

And another vote for those women who use soppy sing-song voices. Ennunciate, you stupid cow. How are those poor children supposed to understand a word you say?

What a chuckle this thread is

The plastic pull-thing on vegetable oil bottles that breaks EVERY TIME I try to open a new bottle. Why?

Spiders that hide inside pegs on the washing line then bungee out when I'm hanging the laundry out. Bastards.

people who think that ifthey put on hazzard warning lights that means they can double park.

people who pay £2.80 for a cup of coffee with a credit/debit card.

Self service machines in supermarkets. I am buying shit from you, giving you my money - at least say good morning and hand me a fucking bag.

Oh, and not that I have them very often you understand, but ready-meals with instructions on the packet to 'remove film lid' That fucking film lid never comes off in one piece leaving you to pick off little pieces of plastic and getting said artificial food all over your hands. Hmph.

Men who don't wear deodorant on the tube. It was particularly bad this summer - I nearly threw up a couple of times when I ended up squashed next to an undeodorized (sp?) armpits in the evening on the way home. So disgusting.

This is completely irrational (but totally rational in my head) and drives me crazy - when my mother is on the phone, for ages, when I try calling, so all I get is snooty BT answerphone woman who says "thank you for calling our voicemail". No. I was not calling the voicemail. I don't like voicemail. I wanted my mother (but she's on the phone. Again).

People who pay £2.80 for a cup of coffee.

I refuse to use self checkout machines, and I work for a company that makes them

The woman who stands by the changing room cubicles in shops but doesn't actually do anything, and give you wall eyed looks if you dare to say 'can you get this in a 10 for me please'.

"people who clearly aren't listening to a word you're saying but really obviously just plannijng what they are going to say next." = everybody in the world ever.

AND (I'm on a roll today) people who continue to babble at you, even though you're clearly not in the mood to talk to them (not referring to a small child, but a stupid male who was talking and talking and wouldn't shut up, even after I said "I'm really tired and don't feel like talking" and he said "yeah, me too. Sometimes you just need to be quiet" and then spent ages talking and talking and talking, and then singing and when I didn't respond (out of sheer exhaustion) just continued singing the same thing, over and over again).

Attention seekers (see male above). 1. never stopping talking AT me, 2. talking complete made up bollocks to try and make himself look better. For example, he started off by saying "I live in Marylebone", then slagging off where I live. Then "actually, I don't live in Marylebone, I would like to, I live in Lisson Grove". later ... "I live in a youth hostel in Lisson Grove". I'm just waiting to find out that he's actually homeless. Also turns out, he doesn't have the super fab job he said he had either. He's currently unemployed, and instead spends all his time arsing about on twitter.

actually
people who go in the changing rooms when there is a queue and then use their phone [mymother]
people who answer the question 'would you like a coffeee/wine/tea/cake?' with 'are you having one?' [mymother]

People who phone you to tell you about someone you can't recall ever having met. They then spend 30 minutes doing a 'six degrees of seperation' explanation as to who they are, but you still don't know who they are talking about, so they finish with '.....well anyway . he died' [mymother]

People who make you get up at dawn so you can fight for three hours through the Paris rush hour traffic and then wait forever for the Eurostar "just in case." (My mother, and possibly Pag's)

People who say "I just think..." to justify their ludicrous, irrational and unthoughtout kneejerk responses to any political discussion that veers left of the Third Reich.

Although neither of those are unreasonable, are they?

People who leave 2 millimetres of milk in the bottom of the bottle rather than opening the back door and using the blue bag. Or, people who throw the milk bottle into the orange bag where it quite clearly doesn't belong and leave me to delve into the horribleness in there. I am having milk bottle issues today.
Another one that reared its ugly head last night. DD has started at a new school. She has always been at international school, but this one seems to have a real American lean to it. Her spellings are marked incorrectly because she is using the British rules (metres, centre, colour etc) and last night she brought home some handwriting sheets to copy. They are all loopy and curly and I told her not to bother. I think I need to see her teacher about that. If and when we move back to the UK, she's going to look a proper nana not being able to spell properly.

I think I have the same mother as pag and Hully

• Turn up unreasonably early at airports/train stations out of paranoia (from nearly missing a plane 40 years ago). e.g. 4 hours before international flight. 1/2 hour before local train
• tells you long, complicated stories about people you don't know, and explaining who these people are by referring to other people you don't know/don't care about.

I pray I don't do that to my dd (the stories). Particularly very emotional and moving stories about the distant cousin of someone SHE HAS JUST MET AT A SODDING BUS STOP AND DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THEIR NAME

But does she use long, involved, complicated sob stories about a friend of a friend of a friend to point out to you that your life is fine and you shouldn't complain, when all you wanted was a little whinge? Mine does this. She's spent YEARS complaining about how terrible her life is (it isn't) but then recently started going on about how, you know, actually it isn't that bad (I've told her this for years).

She told me this loooooooooooooooooong story about her friend's friend who:

• was abandoned by her husband for someone 30 years younger
• then her son moved to London and became a heroin addict
• she then went blind
• but still managed to get to London to track down said son and bring him home
• she then lost her job
• but still bravely fought on
• then her other son was in a car accident and ended up in a wheel chair for 6 months
• yet the woman bravely fought on.

Now, it is a fantastic story, very inspiring but I've never met the woman, and barely remember the woman who is friends with mom and her. In fact, I think I last saw her in about 1996.

We are sisters.

My convos with mama go like this:

-Do you remember Mrs SoandSo?

-No (shortly)

-Yes you do, she used to live four doors down from that lovely man who worked at the school.

-What school? (before can stop self)

(look of triumph in mother eye) - You know, the one that that girl you didn't get on with went to.

-No (shortly)

-Don't be silly. Well it was so sad, her milkman's third cousin had to have his knee replaced...

(Desperately) I have never met this person and I have no interest in their life.

(hurt silence)

(gives in) Oh go on then, tell me. (Contemplates plunging cutlery into own eye.)

Anyone over 65 with a mobile phone (my mother) for the following reasons:

1. You always have to call at least 3 times. Once whilst they scrabble around in their bag for it (if they've heard it. Once, only to get cut off the second they answer by 'pushing the wrong button'. Once to actually have a conversation

1. They can't text

1. They send you empty texts

1. They phone you from landline to tell you mobile is broken. You go round to fix it. It needs charging. They look amazed by the fact that it doesn't last forever

1. Ditto people over 65 using email (my mother) who calls me up and starts reading error messages to me before even saying hello

For example

me: "hello?"
Mum: "It says system error 9787 exe"
me: "who is speaking please?"
Mum: "Oh don't be so facetious. This bloody computer is broken again"
me: "what programme are you running?"
Mum: "oh i don't know world wide email?"
me: "christ"

You get the picture....

My word - we are! (

Exactly the same. She gets really upset if I don't want to hear that her friend who got married aged 62 to her other lovely widowed friend (you know, the one who was married to the South African lady, and was really devastated for years at the loss of his wife, him)'s step grandson's best friend has gone off the rails and has been suspended from school. She also repeats the same background info, everytime, so the stories are getting longer.

why for the love of G-d does she think I'd be interested?

Getting asked to enter my PIN number when I am already doing it.

Yip, she also has a mobile. Which is actually on for only approximately 5 minutes every three months "to save battery life". She will call, you unfortunately miss said call, she starts leaving long, long long answerphone message, saying you have to call back. When you finally get through the answerphone message and call back, she's switched off the phone. And despite me and my siblings explaining to her, that in order for a mobile to work, it has to be switched on, multiple times, she still keeps it off.