Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DSD should be allowed to come to DDs birthday party?

49 replies

bratnav · 12/09/2010 23:25

DSDs Mum has refused to let her come to DDs birthday party tomorrow after school. Both girls are heartbroken that she won't be there.

Her Mum said when DH asked that she had plans for the afternoon, DH asked if it would be possible to change them as it's her sisters birthday party and she said no. They are both going to a party after school on Tuesday.

Bit of background detail, we have shared residency and all the girls attend the same school.

OP posts:
nannylocal · 12/09/2010 23:30

YANBU, but there's not much you can do about it really. Next time give her months of notice about when the party will be and then she can't claim that she's otherwise engaged.

Original poster
bratnav · 12/09/2010 23:34

I know there's nothing we can do, it's just so annoying and upsetting that the girls are missing out :(

OP posts:
bottyburpthebarbarian · 12/09/2010 23:34

God she's a bitch.

So unfair - her own child is missing out

Sad
Original poster
bratnav · 12/09/2010 23:37

She wouldn't tell DSD what they are doing, DSD went to her Mums in tears tonight :(

OP posts:
bottyburpthebarbarian · 12/09/2010 23:39

Horrible horrible woman

Mind you, my DD's were in tears because my ex went back on a promise.

I have sorted the "situation" but it means beans on toast for a month or two Grin

Original poster
bratnav · 12/09/2010 23:45

This is always the issue, in order to make things difficult for DH she is willing to use and upset DSD :(

OP posts:
nannylocal · 12/09/2010 23:55

Maybe you could do something special for the two of them next time she stays with you..to make up for her missing the party? A special outing to the cinema or something?

thumbwitch · 13/09/2010 00:04

What a cow. Seriously - I know there are lots of people who do it but why put your own anger in front of your child's happiness? Isn't that just a lot bit selfish and mean? poor things. I like nannylocal's idea though - might help?

ChippingIn · 13/09/2010 00:07

I just don't get women who do things to prove a point, that upset/hurt their children. I hope DSD tells her how upset she is!!!

booyhoo · 13/09/2010 00:14

can you change the day of the party so that it is on a day when dsd is there but don't tell ex as she will probably think of an excuse to keep her from it.

Original poster
bratnav · 13/09/2010 00:45

Well we did a family party today with grandparents and DSD and DD1 gave DD2 her present and card from them, we had a cake and candles etc. I just can't believe that anyone can be so selfish, normally on the weeks that she is with her Mum, DSD is at after school club til 5.30 anyway.

I hope for DSDs sake her mum really has organised something for tomorrow afternoon, although how it would be better than her sisters party is beyond me. Perhaps she is flying her to Eurodisney for the night and I am misjudging her :o

OP posts:
bottyburpthebarbarian · 13/09/2010 08:18

Bratnav- do come back and let us know Grin

My DD's are all happy and smiling this morning - and they realised all by themselves without me saying a word that Daddy had been "really nasty Mummy coz he made a promise"

I am just sitting back. Not a word will I say

Original poster
bratnav · 13/09/2010 09:01

I know Botty, DH is taking the girls to school this morning and will have to smile and be polite to the witch in the playground.

OP posts:
bottyburpthebarbarian · 13/09/2010 09:02

Bleurgh

Original poster
bratnav · 13/09/2010 09:16

Bleurgh indeed, ooh pulpit up outside now, will report back.

OP posts:
Original poster
bratnav · 13/09/2010 09:17

Pulling not pulpit :o

OP posts:
Original poster
bratnav · 13/09/2010 09:49

FFS DD2 went to say hello to DSD in the playground and her mother pulled her away. I am livid, what the hell is wrong with her?

OP posts:
ElenorRigby · 13/09/2010 10:29

My sympathies to you and your family, some people are utter shits.

Earlier this year DSD's "mother" stopped DD from going DSD's birthday party, despite a court order in place saying, their should be a joint family birthday party for DSD. Hmm
My DSD and DD are half sisters (same father) DSD was 7, DD was 2, they both have only one sibling ie each other. They adore each other and are very close.

It was merely the beginning, she's done a hell of a lot worse since Angry

Worse thing of all, is how she can deliberately hurt her own daughter, as a mother that's something I cannot understand.

Original poster
bratnav · 13/09/2010 10:38

How awful ER, my sympathies, it's just incomprehensible to me that someone can put their own petty vendetta before the feelings of their child.

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 13/09/2010 10:51

It is incomprehensible to me too -so my sympathies. In the long run the woman is hurting herself as DCs don't forget that sort of thing. I think you will have to let it go, do something special with just the two of them and next year get her to agree a date first, so she can't do the same.

ElenorRigby · 13/09/2010 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 13/09/2010 11:31

ER - thats so bloody sad

how can people do this to their kids?

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 13/09/2010 11:32

bratnav - you just have to rise above her petty behaviour - the girls will see which grown ups example they would rather follow.

ElenorRigby · 13/09/2010 11:40

Perpetually there's a long running thread in Relationships Forum the Stately Homes one about abusive/toxic parents. It's my view that some parents are unable to put their children first. The children of such parents are accessory's who have to fit in with their parents needs, wants and aspirations.
So terribly sad.

ElenorRigby · 13/09/2010 11:43

Ooops bratnav sorry for the hi jack. :)

As Perpetually said you and your DH, have to rise above poor behaviour like that and be a positive example and safe haven for that little girl. At least she has you guys. :)