To be thinking of making up an excuse to not go to a wedding?

[washbasin]

We have been invited to a wedding in november to which I have said we will all go to, that's me, dh, and the two dc's age 3 & 1. It is a wedding of a good old friend of mine who I now see about 3 or 4 times a year, I'd like to go but I also wouldn't be devastated if I didn't go either. The problem is that it is abroad, not too far but would involve either a plane trip or the ferry. Then petrol to get to the venue plus at least 2nd nights, prob 3 in a hotel for us all. Plus meals etc. So I reckon it will at least be £ 600 before we even think about wedding clothes & the present. We just can't afford that! On one hand it would be good to go but on the other hand it's so costly plus we would prob need to leave early ish as we will have the kids and they won't last beyond 10pm ish.

I am in a total dilemma. I know my friend would like me to be there but we aren't ultimate best friends or anything, although other close friends of mine will be going too, but they don't have kids! Its not an option to leave the kids at home. So we are thinking of coming up with an excuse to not go. Is that really bad? Can't think of one in advance so I was going to make something up at the time, do you think we should come up with an excuse and if so what could we say? I don't think we could say we can't afford it cos we could at a push, its just so much money at nearly xmas time and I prob wouldn't even see my mate much cos I'd be running after the kids all day then taking them back to the hotel early!

help!

Sound like the wedding is the least of you concerns - your children's father being so uncooperative would bother me much more.
I hope he has no plans to attend any weekend birthday/stag trips for the next few years.

Hi

Def just tell her sooner- say you are a bit skint, etc. Send a gift. At the end of the day - you only ever speak to someone once or twice at wedding - and maybe have a dance with them - and that's kind of it.

if she's a friend, she'll understand.

I got married abroad, as we lived thee, and even though it was easyjet route, a lot of people couldn't afford it - some who said yes originally - and i never minded. Think it's part of the territory when you chose to get married away from UK.

Also - she might have a "b" list of guests who she could invite if you all can't make it.

Don't stress, she'll understand.

Hello ex pat.....waving! On form tonight I see. I've kept my promise and have been very undoormat like!
I agree with op.I budget for a once a yr two week nice holiday for us every yr so I'm afraid other peoples celebrations have to come second. if we can afford both then fine if not we can't go. This includes mIls annual family gel together at a ''sporting holiday village in canaries'' sport and holiday in the same sentence? !! ? Wtf

A huge factor in this decision of not going despite saying we would is that we recently got an unexpected 5k bill for something wrong with the house, hence being skint.

I have also just spent ages working out logistics and it would involve 3 hours drive to ferry, 3 hours onferry then 4 hours drive to venue. If I was to go myself on a plane I would be away for 4 full days minimum and despite dh being an arse, I feel that's too long to be away from the boys esp as the baby is still up lots at night to feed.

Think I will call my friend tomo to explain we can't go...

Let us know what she says. I think you are doing the right thing. Who wants to travel for 10 hours with 2 young children and pay out loads of money. That unexpected, very large bill you have just got is also a good enough reason.

If your other friends give you stick, tell them they can pay for you all if they are so concerned out you not being there.

I'm with Expat, just say no. Unless your friend lives abroad, I think its very selfish to book a wedding abroad and make your friends pay all that money to travel/stay/outfit and gift whilst the bride and groom get a far far cheaper wedding.

No you're not being unreasonable but definitely tell them now, not nearer the time. That would be very rude and weddings are hard enough to plan and budget for as it is.

Agree YANBU (although your dh is - can't look after his own children my arse!) but you do have to tell her ASAP so she can invite someone else. Would be terrible to tell her just before the do and leave four spare places at the table/have her paying for four meals that aren't going to be eaten.

My Uncle rang my little sister on the day of her wedding, as she was getting changed, so say he couldn't come. The arse. Really Not On At All.

If you really want to go & wouldn´t mind going alone then look into that.

If not, say no-now!

Sounds as if your husband needs an attitude change though!

It come naturally because you´re the mother-ha fucking ha!

I agree with your reasons for not going, however, you MUST tell her NOW.

YABU to think of making up an excuse. Why do people lie to their friends? Go if you want to, don't if you would rather spend the money on other things, just tell the bride. Will not matter a few years down the line anyway, lots of people couldn't come to my wedding because of holidays, childcare etc and we have (just about) managed to stay friends Mountain out of a molehill.

seems a shame not to go by yourself and meet up with your other close friends who are going and share petrol costs etc - if you do want to go

i have been to a wedding alone before as dh was ill

i am a bit that your dh cant look after his own children for a few days alone,or if need be get gps/friend in to help but thats another topic

if you arent going then tell your friend now and either lie and say you have checked diary and previous engagement or simply say you cant afford it and say you would love to meet up for a meal once they are married

I have made a vow to myself to never go to another wedding again- hate them.

Entirely see point of marriage but weddings themselves-stupid dresses and cakes, the naff pretence that this is bride and groom's 'first night' together when they've been living together for 5 years and have a child- forget it.

Raiding my imagination to get out of one coming up in February right now.

Tell her the truth rather than lie. If she's a friend, then she'll understand.

Have you actually worked out the cost of it by seeing exactly how much flights and accomodation would cost ? Either you will get a pleasant surprise or your initial estimate will be confirmed. We had a couple of cancellations for our wedding and I understood that they were likely to be down to cost and I totally understood this.

Something similar happened recently with a friend of dh's wedding. He went alone to the wedding.

"without the means to comfort him"? as I said there's two months to work on that - how do other people "comfort" their screaming babies who do not breastfeed?

I'm so with you, marantha!

As to the father, she said a minimum of 4 days. That means he'll need to take time off work.

Believe it or not, in some professions, you can't take off when you want, particularly around Xmas.

It might not be possible.

And really, I wouldn't be able to cope that long entirely on my own with all three of mine without a lot of help.

I have a lot of mental health problems.

Perhaps her DH does as well.

Maybe she doesn't want to wean him for some dumb wedding, didl. Maybe that's not a good enough reason in her opinion to wean him.

didldidi, why should she wean him for her friend's wedding??