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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think some parents are daft as brushes

69 replies

HeathcliffMoorland · 11/09/2010 15:07

To begin, I'm baffled by those who cuddle/praise a child who has just hit them/someone else. He is behaving inappropriately and this should not be reinforced.

I don't understand those who say that he won't 'let' them hold his hand when crossing the road. YOU are the parent. Do NOT endanger your two year old just because he doesn't feel like holding your hand.

Also, those who laugh indulgently when their 5 year old proclaims his/her dislike of a person who the child knows to be within earshot(i.e. in the room).

Finally (for the moment) I can't stand when parents think bad behaviour (read violent and screamy, not exuberant) is cute and funny - it's not!

So is anyone else irritated by certain parenting behaviours? And AIB completely unreasonable to be bothered by these?

OP posts:

Original poster

HeathcliffMoorland · 11/09/2010 19:14

'Doesn't sound like praise to say that a child is a typical little boy.'

It was the indulgent tone, not the words, that bothered me.

OP posts:

MollieO · 11/09/2010 19:34

Before I had children I had a theory about children not being told off by their parents in public. I assumed it was because they would be embarrassed when their dcs ignored the telling off. Now I've had a dc I know this theory to be true and it really annoys me. Especially when I tell ds off and friends don't tell theirs even if the dc's behaviour is the same as mine.

mumbar · 11/09/2010 19:37

But it is indulgent if he has hit another child to cuddle whilst saying 'oh my lovely typical little boy' instead of 'I love you but it's wrong hitting and hurting other children' both ways can be indulgent but 1 teaches the child about boundaries and acceptable behaviour.

mumbar · 11/09/2010 19:43

MollieO I agree. What I do now is work out what behaviour other DC's are getting away with. If my DS does it I give a look on the sly, I have learnt that by telling him off when others can hear can make the other children do it more - like a competition see can get away with the most . I have sometimes let him do things I'm not happy with (as long as its safe and others aren't being hurt) to avoid this. A chat after about how I didn't like a certain behaviour and an incentive for resisting joining in next time has worked wonders. (so far)

Minxie1977 · 11/09/2010 22:44

YANBU - think society would generally be a nicer place if more people could be arsed to 'parent'

bumder · 11/09/2010 23:00

YADNBU about the hand holding. I know a few people whose kids are always tearing around by the road and their parents complain that they won't hold their hand - it does make me wonder why they allow that and who is in charge. I'm sure my DD would much rather be tearing around but she is 2 and knows that if she WONT hold my hand we WONT be going to the park!
I've never seen a child praised for hitting but I'd be livid if anyone was praised for hitting either of my kids.

arses · 11/09/2010 23:04

Come on, we all judge.

Re: laughing at 'cute' comments, a 4 year old neighbour's child makes the most outrageously rude comments to our other neighbour's child e.g. 'get out of my house you fat ugly bitch' and 'aren't girls with glasses just really, really ugly Mummy?' and is met with laughter and pats on the head and 'oooh, she's so cute'

I judge this, I do. I think it's bloody appalling that it gets a cutesy smile instead of an age-appropriate dressing down. At some point, she will be too big to be cute and be friendless or a great big bully.

It's piss poor parenting, sorry.

arses · 11/09/2010 23:06

On the other hand, though.. I have seen people make a hugely big deal about making 9 month olds 'share' when they 'snatch' things from eachother, and a mum at a group I went to got the hump when another mum didn't "discipline" her child for "snatching" a rattle. FFS, they barely even understand 'no' at that stage!

mumbar · 11/09/2010 23:15

arses to be completely honest at that age they probably hadn't even noticed that another child was holding said rattle - just saw the rattle per se and reached it. That is very OTT in my opinion to expect punishment at that age and I agree that you give rattle back with simple 'x had that one, you have this one' and play with exiting subsitute and distact.

peeringintothevoid · 11/09/2010 23:19

pmsl at this thread - there has been such a load of utterly judgemental crap on some threads recently (was thinking, chiefly of the one about a mum being late for school), yet this OP gets jumped on for even suggesting that some ickle sweeties might be allowed to get away with murder by indulgent parents.

YANBU OP.

BrightLightBrightLight · 11/09/2010 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

HeathcliffMoorland · 11/09/2010 23:31

Ah, thanks people.

Glad to see I'm not alone.

My DD2 is almost 9 months. She's nowhere near understanding what sharing is, and I'm not about to push it either!

OP posts:

mrsallright · 11/09/2010 23:54

Can't sleep.. so here's my 2 pennorth... my son is two and doesn't understand he can't run on the road, so I take him out almost every night after I get back from school around our culdisac so he can get used to walking on the pavement, and stopping when he gets to the road, this seems to be working a bit. He also loves looking at the house numbers, (doesn't get that from me!)

I had an older sister who was killed by a car (Driver was pregnant) aged 3 from running out onto a quiet country lane, so it can be serious, and I know the impact it had on my family. I don't let my son anywhere near busy roads etc as a result.

Original poster

HeathcliffMoorland · 12/09/2010 00:15

mrsallright, very sorry to hear about your big sister.

What you're doing with your son sounds lovely.

OP posts:

Altinkum · 12/09/2010 06:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumbar · 12/09/2010 10:25

mrsallright - very sorry to hear about your sister. Think your taking a very sensible approach to road crossing.

Altinkum - sorry to hear your busy - mostly as I know what you do so kmow if your busy thats not a good thing iyswim.

Glad to hear your excellent, hope DS has a good day at school tomorrow.

scaryteacher · 12/09/2010 18:11

Heathcliff, I agree with you; I think that many parents are now far too concerned with their dc's liking them, and wanting to be friends with them, rather than establishing boundaries and actually being parents. It's great if ds and I are getting on, but I am the adult, and I make the decisions and give out bollockings if appropriate.

You are talking about younger ages, but I have seen the effects of this laissez-faire parenting when the kids get to be adolescents and unless you are very lucky, it ain't pretty. Let me add also that this is a problem at all levels, some of the most out of control kids I have seen have come from normal homes where the parents say 'Oh we can't control them', and 'my child is always right', and don't do anything to rein them in or have rules in place.

proudnglad · 12/09/2010 19:02

What?! I've never seen any one of these behaviours from any parents, not ever. 'Get out of my house you fat ugly bitch'??????

arses · 12/09/2010 19:28

Seriously, proudnglad, not one word of hyperbole!

And her mum will tell other people this story as her little girl sits on her knee in a 'and then, what did you say to her?' and snigger when she repeats it! And all girls who wear glasses are ugly!

AND this mum is a professional person with a good education!

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