To think some parents are daft as brushes

[HeathcliffMoorland]

To begin, I'm baffled by those who cuddle/praise a child who has just hit them/someone else. He is behaving inappropriately and this should not be reinforced.

I don't understand those who say that he won't 'let' them hold his hand when crossing the road. YOU are the parent. Do NOT endanger your two year old just because he doesn't feel like holding your hand.

Also, those who laugh indulgently when their 5 year old proclaims his/her dislike of a person who the child knows to be within earshot(i.e. in the room).

Finally (for the moment) I can't stand when parents think bad behaviour (read violent and screamy, not exuberant) is cute and funny - it's not!

So is anyone else irritated by certain parenting behaviours? And AIB completely unreasonable to be bothered by these?

sorry but i'd just like to say that i also can't bear to hear the words 'he/she won't let me' from any parent of any under 5 yo its just a bit who's in charge?

I also have a neighbour who smiles indulgently as her children whack a ball in the general direction of my car.

I have asked them to stop, but because dear old Mum says it's okay, my vehicle bears the brunt.

Yes, Mrs! It makes me too.

Altinkum - I agree that the discipline is up to the parent to decide - but equally, it is Heathcliff's right to judge that parenting and have an opinion on the discipline or lack thereof, when her child has been hurt!

Fwiw - I agree with her - cuddling/comforting a child who has hit another child, or smiling indulgently whilst one's children risk damaging someone else's car, or failing to stop your child from running into the road and forcing cars to emergency stop bloomin' well IS poor parenting, and will not teach the children concerned that it is unacceptable to hit other children or damage other people's property, or that it is dangerous to run into the road!

Wrt the two year old refusing hand holding, I have a very independent 3 year old who will not hold my hand over roads for love nor money. If I try it she bites my hand, drags her feet, throws herself on the floor, screams like she is being murdered and so on. I have tried everything. She is adamant she can do it 'On mine SELF'

Of course on major roads I pick her up and haul her across the road, kicking and screaming. But for quieter roads we don't hand hold. I let her take the lead with instructions from me i.e. look left, look right, listen, is the road clear? Can we cross now? But I am always ready to grab her collar, just in case.

I don't think you can make snap judgements on people's parenting skills by merely observing them for a few minutes of their day.

i don't actually think it makes somone a bad parent or that i judge them to be shiny, as you say, if you really want to hold her, you can, she will just scream and you are saying that what works is when she listens to what you say and does cross the road properly... i think the problem is when these kids just don't listen and won't cross properly and nor will they hold your hand... its different than as you describe your child doing as you say to cross

Shiny and New, that's not what I'm referring to. You know your child isn't the run-out type, and you observe carefully just in case.

My sister's girl is the run-out type. My sister chooses to ignore this fact. There is a HUGE difference.

I had difficulty with DS on road-crossing. I held his hand in spite of protestations and picked him up if necessary. When he realised he wasn't going to win this one, he became cooperative. I know it's not that easy for some people, but all I hope for is that safety will not be abandoned for an easy life!

Altinkum "as I said concentrate on your own and other parents will parent as they see fit/know how!"

I agree it's not helpful to judge other parents, but this insular 'we'll all help ourselves, I've no interest in anyyone else' mentality will lead to trouble down the line. It isn't your concern now when little Johnny is praised for hitting another child, or shown no discipline when he (aged 2) refuses to cross the road in a safe way. When little Johnny, becomes teenage Johnny and replaces hitting at toddler group with stabbing someone in the school playground, then it becomes everyones concern doesn't it? Particularly if it's your little treasure he's stabbed. I'm not saying all stroppy 2yr olds will turn to knife crime as teenagers, but the ones who do are often the ones who have had no direction or discipline.

One of DH's work colleagues thinks it's really funny when their 6 yo boy spits into the cups of tea as they are handed round to guests.

How funny, ha ha, not.

Judgey hat on: laughing when your child spits in people's tea and saying nothing to the child is poor parenting.
Oh, and a good way to lose friends.

I'm with you nannylocal. A bit of community judgement is exactly whats missing in society today.

Ok so we can't harp back to the good old days, lots wrong then too, but discipline and respect for elders was ingrained. I bring my six year old son up to behave at all times and he is a great kid. But thanks to some parents abdicating their parenting responsibilities, he is being throttled, had his testicles stood on in the school cloakroom by two out of control brats.

And i do know what these brats live like. Their parents are young women who send their kids to live with Granny, they are spoiled, they steal, their single mothers are too busy partying to give their kids focussed attention. And good kids pay the price, not only by being targeted for bullying, but disruption in the class.

Very happy to sit in judgement, thanks all the same.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. It annoys me mothers who aren't prepared to get off their fanny and discipline their kids. Or people who think that the sun shines out of their children's arse and do not understand when the rest of us don't agree.

Ofcourse my children are perfect.

"don't understand those who say that he won't 'let' them hold his hand when crossing the road. YOU are the parent. Do NOT endanger your two year old just because he doesn't feel like holding your hand."

It is very hard to hold the hand of a small child who does not want to held. You risk dislocating their shoulder.

However I think baby reins are a great invention.

hear hear

"It is very hard to hold the hand of a small child who does not want to held. You risk dislocating their shoulder."

Ah I know... My post just read better without a safety warning! In fact, this is what I meant by 'picked him up if necessary' in previous post.

i would always hold a 2 yos arm rather than hand when crossing a busy road.Far safer.

I also have a cousin who asks her 5 year old's permission to borrow the remote control.

If the child says no, she happily sits there watching Hannah Montana.

'i would always hold a 2 yos arm rather than hand when crossing a busy road.Far safer.'

To be fair, I wasn't commenting on the body part in question - just the act of protecting a child from traffic.

I do that if my dd's are watching something. It's called manners. I don't expect them to come in and turn off something I am watching, so I don't do it to them.

Not unless I have already said to them X is at 6pm and I want to watch it.

'I do that if my dd's are watching something. It's called manners. I don't expect them to come in and turn off something I am watching, so I don't do it to them.

Not unless I have already said to them X is at 6pm and I want to watch it.'

Beginning to feel like I'm being deliberately misinterpreted on this site - slightly hostile place!

I mean before the television is even switched on.

And also after a show has ended.

if this is before the television is even switched on, how does she sit there watching hannah montana?

i think what people are trying to tell you, OP, is that they don't like your judgey smug attitude
they aren't deliberately misinterpreting you, they just don't like what you are saying
is that clear enough?

Again, hostile place this is! Ironic that people dislike judgement so much in theory, yet are willing to tear others to shreds in practice.

I mean, she asks for it before telly is on, as children often stow things away (this child keeps it in bedroom) and she for some reason wants to give her first refusal. Child remembers that telly exists and wants it. Tells the mother 'no'. Switches on HM. Mother smiles indulgently.

I actually do think people are deliberatly misinterpreting.

I too judge when a child is being nasty and violent to mine and they are given cuddles, tv to watch, food to distract instead of a firm disipline because disipline causes child to kick off. I like the distraction technique but do feel it makes the child who been hit or whatever seem inferior. EG one child has bruise, cut etc which is punishment in a way and the perpetrator gets rewarded

BUT everybody parents in a different way - I think I'm quite old fashioned in that I will tell DS 'No, I don't want you to do that' opposed to 'quick you ebtter stop the teacher, shop keeper, police are looking'.

I accept tho that others parent differently and just don't invite people round who's DC's will hurt mine. DS is my responsibility others DC's are theirs.

Thanks Mumbar.

I also accept that people do things differently. If we were all the same, things would get quite boring.

I reiterate that I am largely ranting. I also don't believe I am a perfect parent. The anonymity of the screen helps me get things off my chest!

I find some nauhgtiness very funny but not when it hurts or upsets others. Doesn't sound like praise to say that a child is a typical little boy. I know people who never say no to their children and they grow up lacking social skills and learning how to interact fairly with others.

Those objecting to the line of the OP's first post are simply singling themselves out as those parents that are, well...a bit rubbish, really!