Please confirm my mother is being unreasonable

[PutUponDaughter]

New here, just looking for some advice.

I'm a student, aged 21. When I'm not at university I live at home with my mum and my teenage sister.

I've been working away for the summer and brought back two suitcases of clothes. They are in the hallway and my mum and I have been rowing because I haven't washed them yet. I got back on Sunday night and I've had a really busy week as I've had to see all my old friends before I go back to university next week. I've been really tired because of my holiday job, so I've needed to sleep a lot. She is complaining that she will have to do the washing. I will do it, but there's no need yet as I've still got a lot of clean clothes upstairs. She is complaining (again!) that she will end up drying and ironing them and says that when I wash them I put them on the wrong cycle and don't take them out of the machine. How the hell does it hurt the clothes if you leave them in the machine overnight? I don't think clothes need to be ironed, but she's really anal about it.

She's just had a real go at me because I've made myself breakfast and she's just seen the plate on my floor and says we'll have mice or rats. OK there are a few glasses and mugs in my room, but have you ever heard of a mouse wanting a cup of tea?

1: They are not too heavy to take them upstairs out of the way.

2: I can understand wanting to see friends when it's the last chance before going to university

3: Mum you will not end up doing them. You will ignore them completely. And why on earth would you iron them? If the clothes are dirty or crumpled it is not your problem. Your daughter is 21. Her clothes are her responsibility.

JUST DO THE WASHING AND STOP SLEEPING-IN LIKE A LAZY-ARSE YOU SPOILT LITTLE MADAM.

And think about someone other than yourself for a while.

And grow up.

So have I understood this correctly - you are the mum ?

I would put the cases on your daughter's bed. Then put the dirty cups and plates in the cases.

I'm with arses - what 21 year old student would use Mumsnet?!

Get yiur washing done and sort your room out.

Oh come on, why are you stressing your bollocks off about a bit of laundry. It's up to her if she wants to wash her clothes or not. I hope the 'nearly crying' bit in the OP was exaggeration for comic effect, otherwise you need to chill out.

I don't really get it. They're her clothes, what does it matter whether she washes them or leaves them in a suitcase? Or whether or not she irons them, or puts them on the wrong cycle? There's no reason you should feel obliged to do her laundry, she obviously doesn't expect you to either. Don't make a rod for your own back. If she doesn't wash them, let her go back to uni with dirty clothes.

That said, it's gross that she keeps dirty dishes in her room, and the smell of damp washing in the machine is horrible, not to mention inconsiderate to hog the machine. And if the cases are clogging up the hallway then put them in her room, end of. So YANBU on that front (you the mum, not you the daughter-persona).

Drag the cases up the stairs. Put them in her room. If she takes them back full of dirty washing then that's her problem. And you won't get rats if you leave a couple of plates with a crust of toast/dirty mugs in a bedroom for a few days.

Don't be like my ex's mum - he wasn't even allowed to put posters on his wall :( She was so inflexible about what teenagers are like, he never went home to see her. You really don't want that do you?

Of course YABU! You could give her £100 each time she goes out with her friends to ensure that they have a good time and have her clothes all washed, ironed and put back in her cases ready for her going back - not to mention cleaning her room from tip to toe every time she leaves the house - and you'd still be unreasonable! She'd find something to fault, that's what girls her age are for!

Please stop wasting your time stressing over the cases of washing, they'll be gone in a few weeks - along with your daughter. Try to have some quality time rather than arguing dirty washing.

I'm certain that you'll not get mice from a couple of dirty plates too.

Two suitcases of clothes and plenty of clean clothes upstairs?

Tell your daughter she has too many clothes. If she had fewer clothes she'd have needed to wash them by now