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Original poster

Please confirm my mother is being unreasonable

61 replies

PutUponDaughter · 11/09/2010 10:12

New here, just looking for some advice.

I'm a student, aged 21. When I'm not at university I live at home with my mum and my teenage sister.

I've been working away for the summer and brought back two suitcases of clothes. They are in the hallway and my mum and I have been rowing because I haven't washed them yet. I got back on Sunday night and I've had a really busy week as I've had to see all my old friends before I go back to university next week. I've been really tired because of my holiday job, so I've needed to sleep a lot. She is complaining that she will have to do the washing. I will do it, but there's no need yet as I've still got a lot of clean clothes upstairs. She is complaining (again!) that she will end up drying and ironing them and says that when I wash them I put them on the wrong cycle and don't take them out of the machine. How the hell does it hurt the clothes if you leave them in the machine overnight? I don't think clothes need to be ironed, but she's really anal about it.

She's just had a real go at me because I've made myself breakfast and she's just seen the plate on my floor and says we'll have mice or rats. OK there are a few glasses and mugs in my room, but have you ever heard of a mouse wanting a cup of tea?

OP posts:
atswimtwolengths · 11/09/2010 10:25

Tis me, arses.

Not a word of this is a lie, except I didn't mention the mountain of dirty clothes in her room.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhh!

BellaEmbergsLovechild · 11/09/2010 10:25

Haha - well done arses!
Putaponmother - don't do any of it! It will ba a valuable lesson learnt!

Northernlurker · 11/09/2010 10:26

I assume your mum is also really tired running after you and your sister. Just do the washing and don't leave dirty crockery around. Send your mum along here and we'll support her Grin

Northernlurker · 11/09/2010 10:27

oooops - cross post but still stands Grin

EccentricaGallumbits · 11/09/2010 10:28

your best bet would be to leave for the whole weekend - thereby leaving her washing and also avoiding angst when she discovers the washing still in the cases on sunday.

SandStorm · 11/09/2010 10:33

Hmm - suitcases are too heavy to move out of the hallway you say? How on earth did you manage to get them there in the first place? Have you never heard of opening them, taking some clothes out, putting them directly into the washing machine and then moving the now miraculously lighter suitcases out of your mother's way?

mummytime · 11/09/2010 10:33

Simple, put suitcases in your room (or your daughters room). You don't have to see them.

Mum needs to just ignore them, either daughter does it (even it its on the wrong wash cycle) or she doesn't and takes two suitcases of dirty washing back to college. If she does it and they aren't dry in time, she takes two bin bags of slightly damp washing back, and either gets them out and dries them quickly or they go mouldy and she lives with the consequences!

lowrib · 11/09/2010 10:39

I'm sorry but you're making this your problem (as a mum). If she ends up with dirty clothes that's her problem not yours, she's 21! Don't you dare touch her washing. The only way she'll learn to do it herself is if you don't do it for her!

If the washing was spilling out all over the place it'd be a problem, but unless they smell, I don't see the problem if it's in a case. If they're in the way, make her move them, I don't buy this "too heavy too move' excuse, she managed to get them there didn't she?!

The worst thing you can do, is do it for her, please tell me you won't. Stop worrying about it and get on with your own life!

In the nicest possible way, I'm afraid you are being anal about ironing the clothes. That's your choice. In my family I iron my work clothes. That's it. DP doesn't iron any of his clothes, I don't iron my out-of work clothes, nor DS's. They don't need it IMO. That's a personal choice. If you like ironing, fine, but don't iron your DD's clothes and then play the martyr. Your daughter is right that there are more important things in life than ironing, like spending time with friends, or doing something else you enjoy.

The plates would annoy me however I admit.

I suggest you think of something nice to do, leave the washing FORGET ABOUT IT and go and do something for yourself instead.

lowrib · 11/09/2010 10:40

Cross posts Smile

DuelingFanjo · 11/09/2010 10:47

Just ignore them. Don't do the washing for her. If you are going to do them maybe add a few pounds to the rent you are charging her.

atswimtwolengths · 11/09/2010 10:52

Lowrib, that is very patronising!

How can you know I'm being anal about ironing when you don't know me and haven't seen her clothes?

When she does wash her clothes she leaves them in the washing machine for ages (and this can be DAYS) and then they are so creased it doesn't matter whether she dries them outside or in the tumble dryer, they remain creased.

I don't iron everything for myself, but then I don't need to as my clothes don't get the same treatment hers do.

I haven't done her washing - I'm trying to make her do her bloody washing. It's not nice living with someone who leaves all their dirty things around the place. If I cave in occasionally so that my house doesn't attract wildlife, that doesn't make me a martyr.

cidre · 11/09/2010 10:53

21? She would not have got over my Mum's threshold with washing apart from yesterday's socks and pants! And was ironing for self at 14, or it didn't get done...(I am like this now!)

ivykaty44 · 11/09/2010 10:57

Its the smell of the dirty clothes that gets me and dd2 - ahh it smells awful

I now do all the washing and she has to clean windows - and yes the windows get donea and it's a good deal as the bathroom is also thrown in

It was the only way forward

I only iron and I have an ikea bag in the utility and all her clean clothes are folded and get put in that

SandStorm · 11/09/2010 11:05

Why don't you offer to move the suitcases for her? Into the back garden? And leave them there to fester and go mouldy after the rain. Oh, and I'd put them at the back of the garden where the wildlife is less likely to find its way into your kitchen.

BrightLightBrightLight · 11/09/2010 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuelingFanjo · 11/09/2010 11:12

you could take the clothes out of the suitcase, put them in washing baskets outside in the garden and then put the suitcases up in the loft?

lowrib · 11/09/2010 11:22

I wasn't trying to have a go, I was replying to your words " I don't think clothes need to be ironed, but she's really anal about it."

I am trying to be helpful. I genuinly think your approach is making it worse. If she leaves clothes in the machine so that they are really creased, then you iron them (is this right?) then she isn't learning to do it herself.

Let her wear (or have to deal with) very creased clothes. It's her responsibility, not yours.

chillichill · 11/09/2010 11:30

you say she goes back Sunday so she doesn't have time to leave clothes in the machine. sounds like it won't even get done, her problem, not yours. insist she leaves her room clean and dish free since its your house and then go out for a drink together and enjoy your daughters company on neutral ground.

TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 11/09/2010 11:30

DD is 3 and I am already working on teaching her that her decisions have consequences.

Your DD is 21. If she doesn't do her laundry right, she will be wearing smelly, crumpled clothes. This is not your problem.

Ma'am, put your hands IN THE AIR!
Step AWAY from the cases!

(Go and have a nice cup of tea)
(and leave the mug on the floor of her room Wink)

TottWriter · 11/09/2010 11:36

I'd just cart the suitcases upstairs and dump them on her bed. You shouldn't have to, but I reckon it's the only way she'll wake up.

I would also get peeved at plates and cups in her room - then again, I was once that bad myself. You can tell her from me that mice nesting under your bed and ants trooping over everything is not nice. AT ALL. (no word of a lie, I had both in my room. Okay, so the cat must have brought said mouse in, but it was my underbed mess space it made home. The ants did have a hole in the wall to enter by, but, again, it was the food that kept them coming back.)

I now get as anal about food left in bedrooms as my dad is.

Serendippy · 11/09/2010 11:38

Oh arses, am so cross you got there first. Could tell straight away this was PutUponMother, and a pissed off one at that! How long til she goes back to uni? Get a nice strong lad to move cases to her room/under the stairs and she can take them back with her when she goes.

If she washes clothes and leaves them in the maching, do what my mum used to do, put them wet back into the suitcases! Once again, she can deal with them when back at uni!

mumbar · 11/09/2010 11:52

Oh arses, I read the OP and immediatly thought mum proving a point or student researching something for UNI.

Well full marks to you getting the confession by page 2.

And OP MUM - STAND BACK AND PUT DOWN THE WASHING Grin

AllGoodNamesGone · 11/09/2010 13:28

At least she got herself a job and hasn't been lying around your house all summer generating washing!

Leave the suitcases, it's only another day and a half till she goes back. If they're not washed by then it's her problem (unless she packes clean stuff from upstairs and goes off without the suitcases!

Though, tbh, if this was my eldest in a few years time, I'd probably have just slung his washing in with everyone elses at the start of the week. But then I don't really mind washing. I wouldn't have ironed it - in this house if someone wants something ironing they either do it themselves or ask me very nicely and do something for me in return!

The dirty plates would annoy me more than the washing.

Mumi · 11/09/2010 14:27

This annoys me no end because people this unacquainted with laundry misjudge the time it takes to do, then try to do it all at once, leaving your washing machine, clothes lines and iron out of action for anyone else Angry YANBU mum!

AllGoodNamesGone · 11/09/2010 14:53

Just thought of something. If you haven't already, get any washing & ironing that you and your younger DD need for Monday out of the way today.

Then older DD can use the washing machine and ironing board tomorrow without you stressing that you won't be able to get your own stuff done. Then you can just leave her to it.