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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

thinking she was being inconsiderate asking me to babysit?

29 replies

nutellalover · 10/09/2010 09:15

I know I can manage it, but I just don't get it. Would never even cross my mind to ask if I was her.

Basically a friend asked me to look after their dd (3) for two hours next week on the only day that she is not in nursery to get some stuff sorted. She works from home most days.
I have a two week old newborn and dd (2) who is still struggling in coming to turns with her new sibling (lots of tantrums at the moment). Friends dd doesn't like my dd and constantly complains about her if we get to meet. Newborn ds is constantly feeding and i'm managing well with the two of them (dh didn't have time off work, no family around to help neither) from day one of getting back from hospital I looked after them on my own. So yes I am coping but does it make sense to put more on top when it's obviously not easy?
Friend keeps telling me how hard it was when her dd (only child) was born, how she didn't get anything done. Yet she asks me to look after her when I have a newborn?!
Loads of other friends that would look after her dd as well (who have kids same age and their dd is friends with).
Sorry for rambling on, I just really don't get it! Dh said yes to her btw, fair enough, he said he will try to be around.

But argh!!! I am tired, stressed and grumpy!!!

OP posts:
ILoveGregoryHouse · 10/09/2010 09:17

yanbu

why did your dh say yes?!

Rockbird · 10/09/2010 09:17

If DH said yes then tell him he has to be around. If that looks doubtful then say 'no, I'm sorry I have too much to cope with already' and don't give it a second thought.

BerryLellow · 10/09/2010 09:18

YANBU, I think she sounds selfish, I wouldn't dream of asking anyone with a newborn to do this. In fact she ought to be offering to help you! Why did she ask your DH and not you in the first place?

saintlydamemrsturnip · 10/09/2010 09:19

She's asked you to look after her child when you have a newborn? Is she possibly jealous? The only circumstances I could imagine doing that would be needing to get to hospital immediately and all other friends unavaiable.

You are a saint. Did you do this? Shock

saintlydamemrsturnip · 10/09/2010 09:21

Can you phone her and say 'my husband doesn't seem to appreciate how tied up I am feeding. I'm afraid I can't look after your dd at the moment but if my husband is here he will'.

TheCrackFox · 10/09/2010 09:22

YANBU

You will just have to be honest and say you are far too busy.

loopyloops · 10/09/2010 09:23

YANBU. Get DH to take her out for the day. Not your problem, you have more important this to deal with.

And please make sure you let her know, subtly, that this kind of arrangement can't happen again. Also, stern words with DH.

Honeydragon · 10/09/2010 09:23

Tell her dh has apolygised and he's not sure he can be there that day to help you and decline.

Tbh if your dh can be home he should be giving you a break, not her.

YANBU at to all to think your friend should not have asked.

juuule · 10/09/2010 09:25

Just speak to her and say that you feel it would be a bit too much for you at the moment with the new baby. Anyone would understand that.
No harm in her asking. You might genuinely have felt okay to do it for a couple of hours and maybe she preferred you to look after her dd than anyone else. But as you don't feel comfortable with it she must surely understand if you say no given the circumstances. Make sure you tell her sooner than later so that she can get something else arranged.

mummytime · 10/09/2010 09:26

YANBU you do have to phone her and say sorry, but you are struggling and can't take on another child. Then tell your DH off, tell him Mumsnet think he's unreasonable.

I woldn't look after this girl anyway if her and my DD couldn't get on (unless it was an emergency!).

StealthPolarBear · 10/09/2010 09:27

Yes if your DH has time to look after her DD he should be taking both the older children out of the way for a couple of hours so you just have the baby.
As others have said, unless in an emergency this isn't acceptable of her.

azazello · 10/09/2010 09:29

YANBU. Your DH shouldn't have agreed and should be at home helping you with your 2 children, not adding other children into the mix. Iam also a bit shocked that someone would ask a person looking after a newborn and a toddler to look after their child for a few hours.

I don't suppose she'll be paying for it either?[not that it would make it okay]

Inertia · 10/09/2010 09:30

Your friend is unreasonable to ask (unless it's an emergency, which it isn't - unless it's something like a medical appointment she needs to keep under wraps ) . Your DH is being totally unreasonable to say yes on your behalf !

StealthPolarBear · 10/09/2010 09:32

If the child's at nursery 4 days a week, can't she just see if they can squeeze her in for another half day - mine are usually really helpful with this sort of stuff

greentriangle · 10/09/2010 09:38

If you're going to do it (which your DH seems to have agreed to), put the 3yo infront of a DVD if she doesn't like your 2yo.

Seems cheeky to ask anyway. I don't agree with the assumption that there is no harm in asking - there is - the OP is uncomfortable with either looking after the 3yo or saying no - so the OP loses either way. Harm is done.

Original poster
nutellalover · 10/09/2010 09:44

Thank you for your replies, I will work up some courage to give her a call to tell her in the nicest possible way that I won't be able to do it. Maybe in a month's time but not at the moment!

OP posts:
bearcrumble · 10/09/2010 09:46

Your friend is insane. Your husband is thoughtless. Let them sort it out between them - have no part in it.

screamingskull · 10/09/2010 09:56

But if you wait a month you will have already done it as it's happening next week???

Get your DH to call her and appologise that you both will not be available to look after her child!

bearcrumble · 10/09/2010 10:00

No, she means maybe she'll look after the child in a month. I still think she'd have a cheek asking the OP to babysit with a 6 week old though!

DuelingFanjo · 10/09/2010 10:01

" Dh said yes to her btw"

then he should be looking after her, not you!

saintlydamemrsturnip · 10/09/2010 10:04

I think you just have to be blunt with some people because they overstep the boundaries of what others would consider a reasonable request.

An emergency? Yes it's reasonable to ask a friend with a newborn to help.
To have some time to yourself to do some sorting? No it's not reasonable.

LoveBeingOnEbay · 10/09/2010 10:05

I wouldnt be able too do this either, that said My friend who just gave birth to her third offered to have my 2 yr old, i refused and told her not to be so silly Grin

boiledegg1 · 10/09/2010 10:09

Gosh no, YANBU at all. I would tell her it isn't possible, but do it soon so she has time to make arrangements with someone else.

screamingskull · 10/09/2010 10:21

haha right enough bear sorry not long up Smile

Honestly OP do not suggest that you can maybe do it in a months time as it will be harder to get out of once it's started.

Just call her ASAP and say it's not possible at this time and leave it there.

good luck

Snorbs · 10/09/2010 10:28

I think your friend was being a bit inconsiderate but nothing too bad provided she didn't try to guilt-trip you or anything.

But I do think your DH was being very inconsiderate for saying "yes" without checking with you.

I don't have a problem with people asking me for favours provided that they can accept a cheery "Sorry, no can do" in response when needed (emergencies are different, of course).

Your DH accepted so either he phones your friend up to turn her down or he looks after the little girl on the day. He dug the hole, he needs to get out of it.