thinking she was being inconsiderate asking me to babysit?

[nutellalover]

I know I can manage it, but I just don't get it. Would never even cross my mind to ask if I was her.

Basically a friend asked me to look after their dd (3) for two hours next week on the only day that she is not in nursery to get some stuff sorted. She works from home most days.
I have a two week old newborn and dd (2) who is still struggling in coming to turns with her new sibling (lots of tantrums at the moment). Friends dd doesn't like my dd and constantly complains about her if we get to meet. Newborn ds is constantly feeding and i'm managing well with the two of them (dh didn't have time off work, no family around to help neither) from day one of getting back from hospital I looked after them on my own. So yes I am coping but does it make sense to put more on top when it's obviously not easy?
Friend keeps telling me how hard it was when her dd (only child) was born, how she didn't get anything done. Yet she asks me to look after her when I have a newborn?!
Loads of other friends that would look after her dd as well (who have kids same age and their dd is friends with).
Sorry for rambling on, I just really don't get it! Dh said yes to her btw, fair enough, he said he will try to be around.

But argh!!! I am tired, stressed and grumpy!!!

I agree SNORBS.

There is always two answers to a question, yes or no. You don't have to give a reason as its patently obvious you have your hands full with a newborn plus toddler. Would she have both of yours next week? Of course she wouldn't - she is being most unreasonable to even think it let alone ask.

Your DH needs bashing over the head with a mecconium filled nappy to dare say yes on your behalf.

Your DH agreed to it, so let him do it. Then ask her to look after your toddler the following week in return to give you a break.

A lot of the time its to do with assertiveness - many many people struggle with that one simple thing - saying no and it leads to so much resentment - they feel no = being hostile/unfriendly/confrontational etc etc.

Thats because people who ask unreasonable requests of us know this and deliberately make us feel like that. You need to join in the game - in other words as my father used to say - If theyre cheeky enough to ask - you can be cheeky enough to say no !

I don't think that your friend is insane, but maybe she's a little caught up in her own little world to realise that what she is asking is unreasonable.

Unfortunately, I find that there are always people who will ask for inappropriate favours and as I am a pushover and don't like saying no - I often end up doing them. However you and I really need to get better at this or we'll always be walked over. I may be naive but I don't think these people are being horrible I just think that they are so caught up in the things that are happening in their own lives that they don't realise that they are taking advantage (My mil is like this).

Perhaps you appear really 'together' to her and so she doesn't realise the pressure you are under even though she struggled with her son.

I would say:

1. Your DH needs a good 'telling off'. Mine used to offer favours from me but eventually I cracked and got cross with him and now he always asks me first.

1. Politely say to your friend that you will be two busy with your DCs to handle another.