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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Re: Birthday presents and Parties?

75 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 09/09/2010 23:33

DS2 is turning 3 on the 18th.

We are going to a huge indoor play area which caters for babies to adults - its that big. With DS1,DS2,DNephew1,DNephew2,Friends DD, and other friends DS.

It is not a party as such as we cannot afford £13.95 per child, but we are paying the entry for the children, just adults will have to pay for themselves.

Also I have just bought 3 fireman sam toys off of ebay as he loves FS.

DS1 was 12 in July and wanted a psp, he then changed his mind and wanted a pair of trainers which cost £55 and I also bought him 7 ps2 games.

He didn't have a party as -well we had family round.

Was just chatting to my mum and mentioned I had bought the FS toys at which point she moaned that I had only bought DS1 1 big present and 7 silly little things that were not brand new.
DS2's FS toys are not new either nor is the camera I bought him which cost me £8 plus postage.

My mum thinks I am being unfair to DS1 as he has not had a proper party since he was 8yrs old.
I don't think I am as DS2 has never really had a party and is now old enough to understand the day is about him.

At the same age DS1 had a big garden party with bbq and entertainment.

So AIBU to go ahead with plans?

OP posts:

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 11/09/2010 09:44

Durga, the information in the OP was enough, the only thing i said extra is that the other 3 parents had volunteered to pay for themselves.

OP posts:

gillybean2 · 11/09/2010 10:47

TLE ignore. She's clearly trying to make his thread her own and that's why I've igonored her comments too.

PixieOnaLeaf · 11/09/2010 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

vbusymum1 · 11/09/2010 11:22

Not relevant to the discussion but just in the interest of fairness Druga does have a point that the fact that it cost £2.50 rather than £13.95 wasn't actually revealed until the thread had been going a while.

That fact does make a difference to how people will view things, or at least it does for me - there's no way I would spend £14 but I would happliy pay £2.50

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 11/09/2010 11:24

Thats the thing I know my mum is stirring - even my sister has said the same thing about mums comment.

TBH I don't need her to stir as things can be strained enough as they are!

OP posts:

vbusymum1 · 11/09/2010 11:26

Yes, TLE, she is, I said that yesterday but I just thought Druga was getting a bit of a hard time.

Ii hope the party goes well and everyone has a great time

fishtankneedscleaning · 11/09/2010 12:37

You are happy with the arrangements. Your guests are happy. Your DS will have a fab day!! Tell your mother to mind her own business!! xx

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 11/09/2010 15:14

£13.95 was the price for an arranged party at the venue. I said in the OP i was not paying that. It is £2.50 for adults not children.

OP posts:

durga · 11/09/2010 15:26

Now I have managed to have more than a few hours sleep I can see that I misunderstood ( I thought they had to pay £13.95 and got a bee in my bonnet and thec even when it was revealed that it was £2.50 I was on a roll) and I was being a twat. I am sorry.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 11/09/2010 15:37

Durga mistakes are easily made

OP posts:

lifeinagoldfishbowl · 11/09/2010 15:45

TBH when I read the OP I thought your DS2 was getting the raw deal with regards to the presents.

fireman sam toys and a camera vs £55 worth of trainers (would have been a p if he hadn't changed his mind) and 7 ps2 games

TBH the party doesn't make up or really equate to anything. Ie ds2 is getting a big party and 4 gifts and DS1 had a small party (famiy over for chinese) and 8 expensive gifts. They don't equate to the same thing so no point making comparrisons.

Claw3 · 11/09/2010 15:58

Go ahead with your plans and hope your ds has fun.

My ds's stopped having birthday parties when they wanted expensive presents.

I dont believe in all this all your children have to have exactly the same amount of money spent on them. It all equals out in the end.

ModreB · 11/09/2010 16:45

YANBU. My 3 DS's have birthdays within a month of each other. Every year they had a choice of a nice present each, or a joint party, we couldnt afford both for each of them. The sooner children learn that money doesn't fall out of the sky, the better.

And FFS, 3 year olds dont mind how much you do (or dont) spend on them, as long as they are having a good time.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 11/09/2010 20:46

Sorry some people have got it wrong some right.

Mum thinks I have spent too much on DS2

OP posts:

BonniePrinceBilly · 11/09/2010 22:20

None of the parties listed on your link are 13.95 though. 15.00, 12.99, 11.95 8.99.

YANBU though. You don't have to justify anything to your ma or your kids. If my eldest complained like that the answer would be that its nobodies business except what I spend on who for what reason. And I decide who gets what parties and presents. End of argument.

CommonSenseSuze · 11/09/2010 22:23

Sorry if this is repeating (too tired to read all the replies - sorry) but it's very unreasonable to expect parents to pay. They HAVE to attend to look after their little ones.

If you can't afford to pay for everyone, you shouldn't hold the party there.

CommonSenseSuze · 11/09/2010 22:26

..even if it is just £2.50 each. The host should be a host, not a facilitator. Food and drink should all be provided if it's a party, IMO.

arcticwind · 11/09/2010 22:46

your mother is being bloody U IMO.

She told DS1 that your DS2 was having a party so he throws a tantrum?! She is most definitiely trying to stir up trouble but TBH I cannot think what you can do about it except talk calmly to your DS1 and explain that he had parties at the same age ... not sure how much good it will do a near teenager tho.

I sympathise - my moteher often behaves more like a 2 yr old than my dcs ever have!!!

purplefish · 11/09/2010 23:14

TLE, everything you have said sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I don't think you have bought too much for DS2 and what you have he will really enjoy from the sound of it

DS1 is 9yrs older than DS2 and we have never worried about whether we have spent more on one than the other...also DS3 shares his birthday with DS2 and they get the present we feel they would enjoy, regardless as to whether it is the same amount of money as the the other. It doesn't matter as long as they are happy!

I must say though, isn't DS1 overreacting slightly? I obv don't know him and they may be reasons for the overreaction, but my DS1 has never begrudged his little brothers having a party/presents, in fact he has helped enormously with them. He always gets to do something special on his birthday too, but he hasn't had a proper party since he was about 8 or 9 (could even be longer than that)....ooh hang on, the sleepover with 7 friends for his 12th is rapidly returning to my memory

Can you give DS1 some more involvement in his brothers birthday. He could light the candles on the cake etc and start off the singing, I dunno......

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 12/09/2010 00:03

Purple, DS1 has ODD and is being assessed for aspergers. Yes a massive over-reaction but sadly normal.

When I looked at the prices 6 weeks ago there was an option which was £13.95 - but prices do change.

I offered to pay for all but the other parents who are family and very close friends insisted on paying for themselves. I even offered to pay their travel fare.

They don't have to stay and supervise, they trust me its just they are close to me and DS2 so want to stay.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 12/09/2010 00:04

Purple meant to say DS1 is also 9yrs older than DS2.

OP posts:

SarahDerbyshire · 12/09/2010 00:27

Your children, your money.

If you're already spending money on a party, then why do the children need lots of gifts as well?

It's also not fair your mum putting pressure on you about it - if your children are happy with the gifts that they get, then that's all that's important.

I also think that 7 games is excessive - even off ebay - kids don't see the money involved, they see the number and size and if you get 7 games and some trainers one year, then it's just bargaining power for next year.

Have a good time at the party though, the play place does look fantastic!

lifeinagoldfishbowl · 12/09/2010 09:53

Totally agree :)

purplefish · 12/09/2010 15:26

TLE, totally understandable then, it does make me remember how lucky I have been with DS1. I think it must be hard to have a little brother (or 2 in my DS's case) after being an only child for 9 years, but it must be even more difficult for your son, despite you obviously not favouring one over the other.

As I said before, I think you have been perfectly reasonable, both with your little ones party arrangements and presents.

I also don't think that 7 games is that excessive if they were from ebay! Perhaps they were a bundle of games? Anyway, tis TLE's children, so TLE's choice! No-one elses, including her mother!

And the quibbles over the prices not being the same as she stated are just silly, as she says, prices change and really does a few pence here or there really matter!

TLE, I hope you and your DS's have a wonderful time (as i am sure you will, it looks great!)

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 13/09/2010 07:55

the games were from a bootsale and cost £1 each.

OP posts:

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