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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re: Birthday presents and Parties?

75 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 09/09/2010 23:33

DS2 is turning 3 on the 18th.

We are going to a huge indoor play area which caters for babies to adults - its that big. With DS1,DS2,DNephew1,DNephew2,Friends DD, and other friends DS.

It is not a party as such as we cannot afford £13.95 per child, but we are paying the entry for the children, just adults will have to pay for themselves.

Also I have just bought 3 fireman sam toys off of ebay as he loves FS.

DS1 was 12 in July and wanted a psp, he then changed his mind and wanted a pair of trainers which cost £55 and I also bought him 7 ps2 games.

He didn't have a party as -well we had family round.

Was just chatting to my mum and mentioned I had bought the FS toys at which point she moaned that I had only bought DS1 1 big present and 7 silly little things that were not brand new.
DS2's FS toys are not new either nor is the camera I bought him which cost me £8 plus postage.

My mum thinks I am being unfair to DS1 as he has not had a proper party since he was 8yrs old.
I don't think I am as DS2 has never really had a party and is now old enough to understand the day is about him.

At the same age DS1 had a big garden party with bbq and entertainment.

So AIBU to go ahead with plans?

OP posts:
durga · 10/09/2010 00:12

Yes I did, she does not say close friends, just friends. I have friends that I would not dream of asking to pay £13.95 to supervise their children at a party of my choosing.

But she has discussed it with them and they agree so it must be fine.

Soft play centres can be hellish at the best of times, the thought of having to pay £13.95 to watch my child run around in one would piss me off.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 10/09/2010 00:12

Durga

they are my sister and 2 friends of 20+ yrs.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 10/09/2010 00:14

it is not £13.95 for adults that was the price if i was going to have an organised party.

It is

1 & under - £2.00*
2 to 3 years - £5.95
4 to 13 years - £7.95
Adults - £2.50

So the adults will have to pay £2.50 each.

OP posts:
durga · 10/09/2010 00:15

Right well then that would be different, although tbh even then I would be having a quiet moan to my husband about it but would come along. Judging by this thread I am very grumpy though.

I don't get why parents have to pay. My dd has been to a few softplay parties and I have never had to pay to enter.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 10/09/2010 00:17

Durga because the parents end up playing as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 10/09/2010 00:17

you would seriously moan about £2.50??? Hmm

OP posts:
durga · 10/09/2010 00:19

Yes I would because I think it is the principle. If I threw a party for my child I woudl cover all of the costs.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 10/09/2010 00:21

But i didn;t ask anyone to pay they volunteered to do so.

OP posts:
durga · 10/09/2010 00:23

I would have insisted. It should be possible to pay in advance for all the adults.

That aside I hope your ds enjoys his party.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 10/09/2010 00:24

oh he will he has his favourite people there lol

OP posts:
dooneygirl · 10/09/2010 00:32

ITA with Custardo and durga. At 3 he may be old enough to easily find something cheaper that would make him just as happy. I would never throw a party and have other people pay for themselves to go, I would insist upon paying. If there are only a few other adults that surely wouldn't increase the price of the party that much, if it is only 2.50 each?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 10/09/2010 00:34

I have told sister and 2 friends I will pay for them but they all insisted on paying for themselves.

Everyone is happy with this. That wasn't the question.

OP posts:
Firawla · 10/09/2010 01:27

sounds like they both had/are having plenty? your mum is just stirring, i hope she does not say anything to ds1 to make him feel hard done by putting the idea to his head that ds2 having more?

durga · 10/09/2010 01:51

I to think that your mum is just stirring, after about 8 they often don't want proper parties. I think my dd had her last party at 8. She then just took a few friends out for the day or evening

gillybean2 · 10/09/2010 02:25

I think your party is just fine. Ignore all these people who don't know what it's like living on practically no money.
I also think your friends are great offering to pay for the adult entry themselves if they want to stay. I would say at the ages you've stated most wouldn't need to stay and supervise, but as they are close friends they'd clearly like to stay too. That's great and if they are happy to pay and money is tight for you then don't stress about it.

And yes I've been to soft play places that charge a small amount for adults to go along too, it's not that unusual at the bigger/popular places. Why should you fork out extra if everyone decided to bring a couple of adults or more (2 parents, grandma etc). Not saying they are, just that if they did it would add a whole lot more to your costs.

Your ds1 got what he asked for, and more besides. He is very lucky. If he is moaning about not having a party that is different. Maybe check with him if he'd like to do something like cinema with a couple of mates next year. I have a friend who always says her ds1 isn't bothered about parties and so never has one, but her ds2 always insists on having a party so he gets one. I have always wondered at this but it is not for me to decide what she does for her dc birthdays.
However this year her ds1 made it clear he didn't think it was fair and he wanted a party too. Up till now he simply hasn't expressed it for whatever reason but he was finding it unfair and eventually spoke up. I had suspected this might be the case even though his mum has always said he isn't bothered when I've mentioned it in passing, but it wasn't for me to stir really so I never pushed it with her. However a grandmother would be more entitled to ask such questions perhaps...

So if you're trying to be fair I would say make sure you do listen if ds1 has grumbles about this, even if they are only minor as it could be building resentment.

At the end of the day it doesn't really matter what you spend on presents as long as you can afford it. And it certainly doesn't have to be the same amount for each child. Children invariably count the number of presents not value of presents. Well not till they are a bit older anyhow! SO your ds got several more than ds2 is getting, so you can justify the party to him on that level if he is moaning about it being unfair. And offer him the choice of a party next year or an extra present instead.
You don;t hae to pay out for a party for him either really. If he's anything like my ds he'd probably be happy to have a couple of mates sleep over and be on the ps2 all night!

durga · 10/09/2010 02:44

gilly I do know what it is like living on no money which is exactly why I would not expect people to pay to supervise their own children. Especially when they have bought a present, card wrapping paper and probably paid for petrol to get to the venue.

However the OP has cleared this with her friends and it is not almost £14 each but £2.50. Still not ideal IMO but her guests seem happy.

I don't even think to be honest that if you are giving children a party they need a present. I have never bought my child a birthday present regardless of her financial situation. A party is enough IMO.

prozacfairy · 10/09/2010 06:17

YANBU unreasonable about any of it. Sounds like you mum gets a kick out of shit stirring. Know how it feels- my mum is the same. Hmm

Doesn't really matter how much you spend on DC long as everyone is happy with what they've got.

Have a great time at your party sounds fun! I wouldn't be prepared to £13.95 per head either!

seeker · 10/09/2010 06:29

Isn't your older one going to the party too?

atswimtwolengths · 10/09/2010 06:48

It's truly amazing how many people don't read the opening thread!

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 10/09/2010 07:26

Seeker yes he is.

Just to clarify...

Mum thinks I am buying too much for DS2 as I have bought him a little tykes digital camera (hoping he will stop nicking mine now!!) as well as the fs toys.

DS1 will be there. and will enjoy himself - he always does. He didn't have a party we had family round and had chinese and a cake - his choice. But when I originally told mum we were all going out for DS2's b'day she told DS1 who promptly had a tantrum and screamed at me I am unfair as he didn't go there for his birthday. Bear in mind anything can cause a tantrum - as many on here know.

I am not spoiling DS2's b'day because DS1 had a tanrum. He has had more parties than I care to remember....and much bigger too.

OP posts:
Oldjolyon · 10/09/2010 16:10

Sounds fine to me.

Personally, I don't think you should count every penny to make sure everything is exactly fair - as I think that gives children the wrong message. So long as they are happy with their presents / party etc, what their sibling got is irrelevant (within reason of course).

If your son was happy with his birthday, then its fine in my book.

HCX · 10/09/2010 16:40

Durga, your annoying me, dont comment on a thread if you havnt actually been bothered to read it!!!! raaaarrrrr

And i think you should carry on doing what your doing, sounds great!

bruffin · 10/09/2010 16:53

sounds fine.
Both my DCs birthdays are next week and we won't necessarily be spending the same on them. DS is getting photographic equipment. some of it he needs for school and DD is getting a mixed bunch of jonas bros clothes and dvds and having a joint party next week. They are in there teens and I don't think they will even notice who got more.

vbusymum1 · 10/09/2010 17:29

Gosh, would people really object to paying £2.50 not just to supervise their children but presumably to chat with their own friends as well.

I think its all sounds fine, too many 3 year olds get far too many presents, this sounds very reasonable.

It will always be difficult to make sure siblings are treated fairly, LadyEvenstar I think your mum should keep her thoughts to herself

durga · 10/09/2010 17:38

I did read the thread, information was revealed as the thread went on. If I misunderstood that was because I was at the end of a 17 hour working day and I apologie. I am however free to post where I wish.

I was perfectly polite and hoped that the little boy would have a pleasant party.

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