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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to collect my dds from Guides

31 replies

brassick · 08/09/2010 20:21

First night back at Guides tonight after the summer break, and the dds bring back a letter which says that all Guides have to be collected by a responsible adult.

My dds are 13 and 11, both in secondary school. We live no more than 200 yards from the church where Guides is held. We can see the church from our front window.

The walk home takes 2 minutes, most of which is taken by crossing the (main, well lit) road. There is a pedestrian crossing that they can use if necessary, so no traffic danger. Plenty of cars and people around, so no "stranger danger".

Guides is meant to finish at 8, but often runs over, sometimes up to 15 minutes over - so parents are hanging around at the back of the hall waiting for their daughters.

I don't particularly want to waste my time standing round waiting for them when they are perfectly capable of walking themselves home.

Would I BU to tell the Guiders that dds are allowed to walk home, or should I just not rock the boat and do what they ask (as I'm sure they are only doing it for the best reasons & I don't want to cause them hassle)?

OP posts:
sethstarkaddersmum · 08/09/2010 20:23

yanbu, it is daft.
I think you should push it a bit but obviously don't put the Guiders into an awkward position by refusing point blank to pick them up or anything!

TiggyD · 08/09/2010 20:25

I believe a child can't be responsible for themselves until 14. You would be making them run the risk of breaking laws and stuff.

trefusis · 08/09/2010 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LoveMyGirls · 08/09/2010 20:26

Do either of them have a phone they could 1 ring you on whe guides has finished so you can run to meet them, that way you don't stand around for ages but are there when you need to be.

It's only a 2min walk and wouldn't take very long. My dd goes to guides and it doesn't finish until 9pm and its either a 3-4min drive or a 15 min walk, it's a pita but it's something I consider worth it even if it does mean I don't really get my evening because it doesn't start til 7.30.

justwhen · 08/09/2010 20:27

Of course they could make it by themselves

sethstarkaddersmum · 08/09/2010 20:27

Baden Powell and his missus would be turning in their graves!

paisleyleaf · 08/09/2010 20:27

Will they go along with some sort of disclaimer written by you?

Hulababy · 08/09/2010 20:28

I always walked home from Guides on my own, or rather with a friend or two. Wasn't far - 5 min walk.

Not sure on H&S etc. but secondary school children can walk home from school on their own; primary children can even. So not sure that would apply.

TheFallenMadonna · 08/09/2010 20:31

My ds walks to cubs by himself, but I have to pick him up. Similar kind of journey. Hmm.

Original poster
brassick · 08/09/2010 20:33

TiggyD I didn't think there were any laws about this kind of thing, certainly there aren't about children being left home on their own, so I don't imagine there are about going out on their own.

I will consider the disclaimer, but may go for the less confrontational compromise of one of the dds calling when they are finished. The Guiders are lovely people, who do so much for their Guides, and the girls enjoy Guides so much that I don't want to create any awkwardness.

Drives me mad though, all this "oooh, they can't possibly do X, Y, Z" stuff (I know, its a perennial topic on MN). How on earth do people expect their children to be able to grow up and be independent if they're never allowed to do anything?

OP posts:
fluffles · 08/09/2010 20:34

we say they have to be collected by an adult unless we've been told ahead of time that they are to walk.

just ask your guiders if you can sign a letter to say they can walk together (but agree to meet if only one attends perhaps).

Original poster
brassick · 08/09/2010 20:34

Oh, and I used to walk home from Guides on my own, at least 10 minute walk in the dark...but of course there weren't paedophiles hiding behind every bush then (30 years ago)...[exasperated emoticon]

OP posts:
fluffles · 08/09/2010 20:35

it's really hard at the end of guides when 30 of them rush off into the darkness. it's hard to be sure they've all gone somewhere safe and sensible or will come back in if there's nobody there to get them... it's worrying as leaders we know the girls but can't know them well enough to be really sure they wont wander off.

Fennel · 08/09/2010 20:36

Our youth group has this for similar aged children, 10-13, and I queried it, and the leader told me that they just needed a letter signed by the parents saying they gave permission for the child to go home alone. It does seem odd, my dds aren't escorted everywhere normally, but we had this with school too when they were younger, they are usually happy if they know for sure they won't be held responsible if it goes wrong.

MaureenMLove · 08/09/2010 20:36

As a Guider, I can assure you, that there are no H&S issues that should concern the Guider, once the girls have left the building!

Do you think that maybe she's written a letter because she has issues with one particular family? Like they do at school, a letter has to go to everyone, so as not to single out anyone in particular.

fluffles · 08/09/2010 20:37

brassick i'm more worried about the lawyers hiding behind every bush than the paedophiles these days! if a girl got hurt on the road or lost or anything then there would be repercussions that could close us down and i'm just an unpaid volunteer

MaureenMLove · 08/09/2010 20:38

Gosh, that made me sound really uncaring! Grin

I do care about my girls, obviously! I actually do Rainbows, so I wouldn't dream of letting anyone out of my sight, with handing them to a parent, but from an official view point, there are no rules.

MaamRuby · 08/09/2010 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BellasFormerFriend · 08/09/2010 20:42

It will be down to what is expected of them. We have the same thing with sports clubs, they are not allowed to leave the building - even to go to the car in the car park - without an adult. This can be got round with a note specifying that they are to walk alone and you are happy with that however it is down to the club if they will accept it or not. We don't.

When the children are in a club we have responsibility of a parent/teacher. We remain responsible until that child has reached another adult whom we know is responsible for them. therefore if a child is knocked down/lost/bullied/snatched on the way home it would be our fault. Most leaders are not happy to take that risk - and i don't blame them TBH!

Original poster
brassick · 08/09/2010 20:43

I do understand why they've done it, and the same letter went to Brownies and Guides - would never have let them walk on their own when they were in Brownies.

It also says about not just turning up and dumping them (my words!) without checking one of the leaders is there. I think this applies more to Brownies than Guides, and anyway, mine would just come home, and the Guiders would be none the wiser! So I'm not worried about that part.

Will maybe have a word and see what the Guiders have to say and take it from there...

OP posts:
Original poster
brassick · 08/09/2010 20:45

I promise I don't want to make the Guiders' lives more difficult. I come from a Guiding family (mum was Brown Owl, godmother was Tawny Owl, aunty was Guide Captain, brother's godmother was District Commissioner, I was a Queen's Guide!).

I really do appreciate everything they (and all of you other volunteers) do.

OP posts:
BellasFormerFriend · 08/09/2010 20:45

Oh yes Brassick, we had the same thing with dropping them off - if a child is dropped off in the car park and then decides to go to friends house instead of guides/sports we are responsible for their safety the whole time! For that reason we said they had to be bought in and a leader told they were there.

brassband · 08/09/2010 21:20

I can understand why the guiders want to cover themselves as much as possible and.
Bear in mind that whilst you live very close to guides, others won't and theycan't be expected to operate different policies for different girls .

LabMonkey · 08/09/2010 21:39

You could give them a signed letter to say that you're happy for them to walk home together. Many of the new Guides are only just 10 and are very naive so it's easier to make a blanket statement then wait for parents to ask for the exceptions.

As a Guide Leader I am more than aware that if something happens to one of my girls on the way home it'll be me hung, drawn and quartered by the press and society. I know it sounds awful but most volunteers now are very careful to cover their backs.

In your situation I would be happy to accept a signed letter.

bethjeff · 08/09/2010 22:46

I used to ensure that my old Brownie troupe had escorts to take them home but I think it is silly for Guides.
Are these groups not supposed to be teaching them how to do things for themselves?
To be fair, those who have to travel a fair distance to get there (ie: the ones most at risk) will probably have a parent taking them there anyway!
I'd write them a note saying that they'll be walking themselves home.

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