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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get annoyed when work callers shout "How dare you?! I pay your wages!" when I have to tell them something they don't want to hear?

48 replies

taintedpaint · 08/09/2010 16:31

Or should I be expecting abuse simply because I work in the public sector?

I get this several times a week. I work in a local government related office and boy, do the callers like to remind me that my wages come out of taxes. But does that mean I just have to accept abuse as a given? All it takes is for me to say (for example) that they can't have an appointment at my office at the time of their choosing (not because I like to power trip, but because there are no appointments available at the requested time) for them to get shirty with me and if I dare to say something back (not abusive, just to point out I won't be able to help them if they keep shouting and swearing at me), I'll get the "I pay your wages!" line thrown at me.

A colleague of mine says we should just expect this treatment. Maybe I'm just old before my time, but what happened to courtesy and manners?

AIBU? Should I be abused at work day in day out?

OP posts:
Lauriefairycake · 08/09/2010 16:35

No, you shouldn't - you should refuse to speak to people who abuse you in any way and then hang up the phone.

Don't your work have policies in relation to this ?

bigchris · 08/09/2010 16:37

Just say 'i do pay tax too so I'm paying my own wages you moron'

kitbit · 08/09/2010 16:38

If you work in the public sector and this happens frequently, you should be able to request training to deal with this specifically, including techniques to manages such conversations. SHort answer - no, you shouldn't have to put up with it but the sad reality is that some roles will put you in this position so your employer should be helping you to be equipped to deal with it.

Sucks though, I know.

Original poster
taintedpaint · 08/09/2010 16:38

They do have policies, we are supposed to give them a chance to calm down and then say we will "terminate the call" if they continue to abuse us. It's just the alarming regularity with which this happens and that one phrase is used that really bothers me, it makes me wonder how many people think they can abuse public sector workers simply because are wages are from taxes. We have souls too, it hurts to get crap repeatedly hurled at us sometimes!

OP posts:
queribus · 08/09/2010 16:41

NO, YOU SHOULD NOT!

This makes my blood boil. You definitoely shouldn't accept it. Your organisation should have some guidelines or policy on dealing with this, but when I've had to deal with people shouting and swearing at me, I politely ask them to calm down. I explain that if they continue to shout and swear I shall put the phone down.

It also helps to repeat back to them (loudly) what they have just said to you (i.e. "so can I just clarify that you think I'm a fucking c**t, sir". Your colleagues can then hear what's going on.

It doesn't matter what you do for a living you should not be subject to abuse. I feel for you. Sad

MissMarjoribanks · 08/09/2010 16:49

I'm a public sector worker too, when not on maternity leave, and used to get this all the time.

Of course you can't say it to them, as that would be rude (never mind how rude to you they are being) but bear in mind this. If said abusive twat pays for example £1500 council tax a year, and if your organisation employs 500 people on say, an average salary of £25,000, and of course abusive twat pays your wages so must contribute to every other employee's as well, then they would pay just 0.00012% of your salary.

So quite frankly, they can shove their taxes up their arse.

And don't get me started on the accusations of corruption. I used to terminate that one by telling them I drove a Fiesta.

loveulotslikejellytots · 08/09/2010 16:50

I work in what sounds like a similar job in the same sector. And I get this line at least once a week. I'm normally dealing with people that haven't received their money so that doesn't help. We are basically told that if a customer is being abusive down the phone then you state "If you continue to talk to me in this way, I have no other option but to end this call". Once you have said this twice you can put the phone down.

The other thing we are told to do is give them the number for our complaints department. Half of the people never complain anyway and the other half that do dont get very far because there are always witnesses to our phone calls. I think ours ar recorded for that purpose. I know that if I have a particularly awkward person I ask someone to sit with me while I deal with it.

So no YANBU, you do not have to listen to it, ask your line manager if they have the policy to do with telephone calls. I know we get offered customer service training and conflict resolution training as well.

ChoChoSan · 08/09/2010 16:53

..."and I work very hard for you" is surely the best response

OrmRenewed · 08/09/2010 16:56

No YANBU. Civility is a basic requirement when talking to anyone on a phone. And it gets better results IME.

Filibear · 08/09/2010 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

xstitch · 08/09/2010 18:00

YADNBU, sometimes I finish work barely having the will to live it is so draining.

I have occasionally had the urge to say "No dear, my taxes pay you, you haven't paid a day's tax in your life" Only when that applies obviously.

Disclaimer I have always been perfectly polite despite lots of abuse.

BubblePot · 08/09/2010 18:03

YANBU - I dont work in the public sector, never have and to be honest never want to because of the way people talk to people who do!

I wouldn't dream of giving abuse to someone because I am not able to get a time I want etc.... It seems absurd to me that some people think they have the right to!

Tippychoocks · 08/09/2010 18:04

Just say, "no, I've checked. Your taxes pay for Irene in Accounts. My wages are paid by the taxes of Major Maxton-Weir of Chipping Sodbury"

natandchris10 · 08/09/2010 18:10

this would annoy the hell out of me..

i work in insurance and iv been told i will be respnsible for the family dying of flu because i couldnt arrange a surveyor within a day and their house is so cold... sometimes i just feel like sayin put a fin jumper on!

prozacfairy · 08/09/2010 18:14

YANBU. Hang up on them. There is no need to be abusive.

I work in a shop without customers buying stuff I'd be out of a job. Doesn't stop me walking away from them when they really overstep the mark.

Superfly · 08/09/2010 18:20

If they pay your wages ask if they can increase your salary, reduce your hours and give you a few weeks more annual leave a year.

I work in the public sector too and this line is given at every conceivable opportunity. Its a really patronising thing to say and its all they can come up with as they haven't got the intelligence or wit to come up with anything more original.

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 08/09/2010 18:20

The answer is "No you don't, you pay taxes".

longfingernails · 08/09/2010 18:20

This isn't nice, by any means, but how is stating that they pay your wages "abusive" in any way?

It's just bad manners, not abuse. You shouldn't cheapen real abuse just because people say perfectly true, and perfectly irrelevant things to you in fits of anger on the phone.

gomummy · 08/09/2010 18:23

Lots of experience in public sector, have learned that unfortunately in many circumstances, people will treat you as badly as you allow them to.

Suggestion 1: Sir, would you like to take a moment and calm yourself so that you can speak to me appropriately, or shall I terminate the call per policy? (this is what I would have my staff say)

Suggestion 2: If I thought that my salary was relevant to your issue, I might respond to it and explain how inaccurate it actually is. However, in the interest of attending to your inquiry/issue, let's move forward with more constructive discussion.

Suggestion 3: Sir, please be advised that according to our policy, I am not in any way required to accept your inappropriate comments and will terminate this call immediately should they continue any further.

YANBU at all and do not have to accept it.

squashedfrogs · 08/09/2010 18:26

I know of someone who emptied all the money out of their pockets, put it on a table in front of the person who had just said "I pay your wages" and said "Here, you can have it back!"

DancingThroughLife · 08/09/2010 18:26

Ooh, this winds me up no end. I used to work for a Housing Association and I lose track of the times I got this from people.

You pay my wages??? Err, actually my taxes pay for your housing benefit so by that definition, I'm technically paying my own wages you idiot. Wish I could have said that out loud.

Grin at Tippychooks

xstitch · 08/09/2010 18:29

Longfingernails it is abusive because it is usually said in the manner of: "I pay your wages you fucking useless bitch"

I have even been told "I am going to make sure you have no more money so I can watch your kids starve to death then I will laugh because I can pay your wage remember"

Can you explain why I should regard that as not abusive?

upahill · 08/09/2010 18:33

Longfingernails I'm guessing you either don't work for a local authority or you don't do much direct contact work with the genreal public if you do.

If you did you would realize your post is rubbish.

When people come out with that line it is meant to be abusive.

Superfly · 08/09/2010 18:37

Longfingernails - It is not 'bad manners' and that type of statement and in the context it is said is verbal abuse. It is all about perception as well - if the person on the receiving end perceives it to be abusive, then it is.

longfingernails · 08/09/2010 18:38

xstitch Strawman argument. Clearly what you are writing about is abusive. That isn't what the OP talked about though. The abuse in your example is the "fucking useless bitch" part, not the "I pay your wages" part.

upahill No, I haven't worked for a local authority, but I have worked in customer-facing jobs in the private sector for several years. I know what abuse looks like.