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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to put my foot down and see a friend DH doesn't approve of?

61 replies

rotool · 05/09/2010 23:46

A friend I have known for 7 years recently had an affair, it is over now and she and her husband are trying to work it out.
I haven't seen much of her on her own, usually with our children or husbands in tow, however she has asked me to go out for an evening to chat and my DH is not a happy man.
DH says I will be led astray and is worried that our friends will think I am up to no good if I am seen with her.I have never done anything for him not to trust me and am hurt that he seems not too.
DH doesn't like me to do anything without him and because of this I don't have a social life, don't have a gym membership etc etc....
AIBU to want to see my friend? I get on really well with her and enjoy her company, DH thinks we should only go out with her as couples.

OP posts:
Tortington · 05/09/2010 23:47

your dh sound like a cock

Minxie1977 · 05/09/2010 23:47

YANBu and DH is control freak

Minxie1977 · 05/09/2010 23:48

Why do you let your DH tell you what to do - genuine question?

fuschiagroan · 05/09/2010 23:48

'led astray' wtf, you are not 6 years old and he is not your dad. Just see her, he will have to get over it

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 05/09/2010 23:48

Your husband sounds very controlling and possessive, this really isn't healthy in a relationship. May I suggest that you contact either relate and work on this or womens aid and get some advice?

You are your own person, you are not joined at the hip, this isn't a healthy relationship to have and you need to be free to make your own friends.

deakell · 05/09/2010 23:49

He's a prize wanker and a bit of a control freak.

Let him read this so he can what random strangers think of his attitude.

deakell · 05/09/2010 23:53

so he can SEE what random strangers . . .

Original poster
rotool · 05/09/2010 23:53

Minxie, what's the alternative? He can get very nasty, never physically always emotionally but still very hard to deal with so I just do what he wants

OP posts:
Minxie1977 · 05/09/2010 23:57

Have an adult realationship? Are you happy living like it? If so, continue, if no, try and change it! Think I'll leave it to the 'dump his ass' brigade to put it better than I would!

Original poster
rotool · 06/09/2010 00:01

Don't think I have'nt thought about it but I have two little boys who adore there daddy and I can't take them away from him.
Have been on anti D's for years and even my doc advised me to leave him but it's never that easy is it?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 06/09/2010 00:02

"hard to deal with so I just do what he wants..."

herein lies your problem

this isn't about a friend he "disapproves" of

this is about him controlling you, and you going along with it for an easy life

do you think your children should be learning that this is how relationships should be ?

do you really want to live like this ?

scurryfunge · 06/09/2010 00:03

rotool

here

StarlightMcKenzie · 06/09/2010 00:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Minxie1977 · 06/09/2010 00:04

It is sometimes. I would advocate doing whatever you want from now on and let him deal with it - if he's definately not the violent type! Personally I would do all to save a marriage. You can't live your whole life on tabs cos of his cock behaviour though. Your DC's deserve a happy mum more than anything.

MrsCrafty · 06/09/2010 00:05

I think that the question you have posed on here of all places, will be very controversial.

Most of the women on here would rather die than be controlled by a bloke.

Therefore, you need to tell your fella, that you are meeting your mate. The End.

If he has a problem with this, come back here and get loads of advice on how to leave such a controlling man.Smile

Original poster
rotool · 06/09/2010 00:05

No, I don't want to live like this, I can't remember what it's like to live any other way. I don't know what's right or wrong anymore hence why I am asking you guys what you think about me seeing my friend.
It's not really about anything for an easy life, I have no choice.

OP posts:
Scorpette · 06/09/2010 00:05

You ought to tell your DH that it was your friend's H always telling who she can and can't see that drove her to the affair! And then point out to him that you don't actually live in a C17th village where the neighbours will burn you for a witch just for being pally with a 'scarlet woman'...

Seriously, wtf has it got to do with him who you hang out with or not? And since when was infidelity catching? Sounds like he's just using it as a bullshit excuse to control you, sorry.

AnyFucker · 06/09/2010 00:06

your doctor has advised you to leave him ?

do you realise that doctors would not say these things willy-nilly ?

he/she must have serious concerns about your mental well-being, and that of your children, to advise such a course of action

please wake up love

this man is not a good father

caramelwaffle · 06/09/2010 00:06

What anyfucker said ^

Minxie1977 · 06/09/2010 00:07

Ok then - yes see your friend- absolutlely - now is not the time to cut off friendships. Tell Dh you need some female allies to help with your depression or some such shite to appease the twunt!

AnyFucker · 06/09/2010 00:08

why is this one man the boss of you ?

why ??

Giddyup · 06/09/2010 00:09

Sad Rotool; I am sorry your H makes you live like this, it's really not on. I understand though that the longer it goes on the more it becomes "normal". FWIW the guy who treated me like this did so because he was continually cheating on me and clearly judged everyone by his own shitty morals- I found out after we split up.

If you don't feel there is an option for things to change think about your children's futures. They are learning from you and H all the time; would you be happy for your daughter to live like this or your son to treat his future DW like you are treated?

Minxie1977 · 06/09/2010 00:09

Oh and you DO HAVE CHIOCES - you can choose to say 'fuck this' from now and do as you please. He will have the hump but you need to let him. Let him deal with his bad mood about his issues - stop carrying the weight of his low self-esteem around.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 06/09/2010 00:09

Of course you have a choice. www.womensaid.org.uk Get some help. Is this the sort of role model that you want for your children?

Scorpette · 06/09/2010 00:09

Oops, in between me writing my reply and posting it, you've just revealed this is about a lot more. Sounds like a rude reply isn't going to work here. You need to ask yourself why you've let this behaviour become acceptable to you and what you can do to help yourself, you poor thing.