AIBU to be utterly shocked by this mum's refusal to let her DD do gymnastics?

[greythorne]

We went for a long walk with friends today. We chatted about what out of school activities our DC want to do / are going to do.

My friend said that her DD1 (aged nearly 4) would like to do gymnastics, but that she (the mother) is refusing, as, "she'll never be any good at it, as she is too tall and lanky"

The mother is rather tall (5ft8in or 9) but not noticeably self conscious about her height.

I was shocked and said (a) she doesn't know how her DD will be at gymnastics and (b) even if she's not very good (for whatever reason), she should be allowed to try because there's so much more to sport than being good at it....health, sportsmanship, friendship and for gymnastics, grace, strength, etc

She was adamant and just kept saying, "what's the point? if she grows to 5ft 10, she'll never be any good, so it's pointless starting now and being disappointed"

AIBU to be shocked or is she?

YANBU, lets just never let our dc try anything just in case they are not good at it.

YANBU. Sounds like she is a bit of a 'pushy mum' hope her daughter somehow gets a more balanced view about how life is not always about excelling - it's about fun too.

I have a friend who won't let her daughter do ballet as "she's too big for it". It's very odd.

If small kids enjoy something i don't see why parents would stop them, so YANBU.

I think if we all put our children into sporting activities purely for their potential to excel then most of us would be disappointed.

It is down to the mum, of course but rather narrow minded.

maybe it is basedo n her own experience.

Its a shame if she's not letting her try it if she wants to, but sounds a bit like she faced that herself, and doesn't want it for her daughter.

maybe there is another reason like she can't afford it, but easier to say that her DD wouldn't be good at it?

YANBU. That's really odd, as if after school clubs are about serious future plans when they're 4! No pressure there then!
My ds literally skipped around after a football but I took him as long as he wanted because he enjoyed it.
He does ballet and tap now, for fun, but I can't see him being in Swan Lake in 20 years!

How can that be easier. I just tell my dd that I don't have enough pennies for something but maybe I am just a crap mum.

I think YABU to be utterly shocked by it, but not unreasonable to take a different approach for your own dcs.

YANBU. What a sad message to send to the child- that it's never worth starting things if you think there's a chance that you won't do well. And that sport is not worth doing for enjoyment, fitness etc- only for the competition.

I think you kind of ABU. Maybe she had a bad experience at school, knows that she herself was not gym inclined and notices that her daughter is just not good at that sort of stuff in the way she wasn't. Maybe the daughter isn't insisting but its just a passing interest.

However, if its just a height thing then YANBU at all.

I don't know about gymnastics, but certainly with ballet it is partly local fashion. In the UK ballet dancers have to be short, but not in Russia.

And who's to say that by the time her DD got to it, gymnastics wouldn't have diversified and changed? Or that she wouldn't move on from gymnastics to something else sporty that she enjoyed more - swimming for example, where it's a help to be tall?

she is being weird to stop a 4 year old trying something because she may not reach olympic standard.

It is a very strange reason not to let her do it, yanbu

Also don't think it gives a good message to the dd to hear her mum saying this

Silly woman (her not you)

Well it's a bit of a defeatist attitude I agree. Does she plan to only let her DD have hobbies that she's completely sure she'll excel at?

Don-tb think it's a money issue, because she has enrolled her DD for three other activities, one of which I know is pricey.

What a horrible attitude to life. Poor kid, not allowed to try something because she wont reach the olypic standard... wow

Corriefan - were you watching Corrie tonight.... one of the best lines ever... Ken said to Deidre 'I can't remember the last time I had such an interesting literary discussion' (or something equally wanky) and Deidre - dead pan said 'Well not on dry land'... brilliant

If she has already enrolled her DD in 3 other activities anyway, maybe she just thought this was a good one to drop. Doesn't matter what her reason was really - she just needed to whittle down the choices and presumably of all the things her DD wanted to do this is the least likely to be a success.

3 things is more than enough for a 4 yr old - some may even say too many. Why add more?

YABU to be utterly shocked and a bit unreasonable to be shocked just because she doesn't share your ideas on what her DD might enjoy the most.

1. Ok, "utterly shocked" might be a bit ocver the top! I think I have AIBU fatigue and everything makes me "fuming" or "utterly shocked". sHOULS HAVE SAID? 3i WAS SOMEWHAT SURPRISED;;;;;3

1. Her DD has expressed a real and sustained interest in gymnastics and yet the mother has decided against it for her and chosen three other things instead.

Speaking as someone tall I was always completely crap at gymnastics - I really couldn't coordinate myself properly with the end result that I felt like a complete twat every time I did compulsory gymanstics at school.

Maybe her mum actually knows what she is talking about.

Chippingin- I'm not as devoted to Corrie as I used to be but those one-liners were indeed what made me love it so much! It's so funny whereas Eastenders goes for OTT drama every time. Hmm might have to start watching it again, or change my name!

thecrackfox - she's not yet 4!