AIBU to be utterly shocked by this mum's refusal to let her DD do gymnastics?

[greythorne]

We went for a long walk with friends today. We chatted about what out of school activities our DC want to do / are going to do.

My friend said that her DD1 (aged nearly 4) would like to do gymnastics, but that she (the mother) is refusing, as, "she'll never be any good at it, as she is too tall and lanky"

The mother is rather tall (5ft8in or 9) but not noticeably self conscious about her height.

I was shocked and said (a) she doesn't know how her DD will be at gymnastics and (b) even if she's not very good (for whatever reason), she should be allowed to try because there's so much more to sport than being good at it....health, sportsmanship, friendship and for gymnastics, grace, strength, etc

She was adamant and just kept saying, "what's the point? if she grows to 5ft 10, she'll never be any good, so it's pointless starting now and being disappointed"

AIBU to be shocked or is she?

It's a bit of a strange attitude for the mother to have, does she not think it will be worth it if her child simply enjoys it?

DD does irish dancing which she really enjoys, been going for nearly two years - she's not really a natural at it, no rhythm etc but we keep going each week and will do for as long as she enjoys it. In fact, she's getting all excited about me enquiring into tap classes as well.

She will get more out of these things than 'the skill' that she goes to learn, they make new friends, have fun, teamwork etc etc. It's bonkers that this mother won't even entertain the possibility but I don't think there's really anything you can do, OP, to force her to think otherwise - it is a pity for the child though

TBh I think pretty much all activities are a waste of time for 3 year olds.

Tbh most of the physios that I have seen and i have seen alot over the years would not advocate gymnastics as it can be a bit problem developmentally. I personally have back problems partly as a result of doing gymnastics. And imo 4 is too young to be starting anyway.

Take off your judgy pants. Let the mum have her opinion. Pester power gets stronger as children gets older, she might be forced to change her mind. I swore I would never let ds do kirate when he was little. nearly 6 he hopefully starts in 2 weeks. My reason was just as flaky - he would be more dangerous if he knew how to hurt people. Now I think the discipline will do him some good. People change their minds.

Sorry but I PMSL at this. I regularly wind my DM up by reminding her that she once told me (when I was about 6 or 7) that I wouldn't 'get on' with ballet as I was too gangly, and I'd look like Bambi!!!

Now I am rather long-limbed, and was lanky/gangly as a child, but still......

Luckily my DM made up for her lack of tact by supporting me for years in my passion for music and learning a variety of musical instruments, so I don't hold it against her......much!

My DD is 4 and goes to ballet, even though I don't think it will be her thing. I don't want to discourage her, and she loves it.

Crikey...I've just enquired about Enjoy-A-Ball classes for 3 yr old ds even though I think it's highly unlikely that he'll ever represent his country at sport.

Maybe IABU. Should probably cancel those swimming classes too

Activities are a waste of time? Heard it all now

I'm tall and was rubbish at gymnastics. It is a thing small compact kids tend to be better at.
I support not overloading young kids with organised activities.

Maybe the mum simply can't afford the classes but didn't feel that this was any of your business able to openly admit it.

Maybe she herself had a horrible experience of being forced to do gymnastics when she was a child.

I really don't think you have the right to be 'utterly shocked'. It's none of your business really!

Maybe she did gymnastics when younger and was disappointed as was no good at it due to being tall so doesn't want her DD disappointed.

Its sad that she won't let her give it a go though if the girl wants to do it.

corriefan and I thought I could count on you!! I have no one to share that brilliant one liner with - everyone else is dedicated to EE...sigh. It's quite good at the moment and makes the perfect background for MN'ing!

Obviously, she is entitled to say no to her DD doing gymnastics, although I do find her reasoning odd.

Just because her daughter is tall, does not necessarily mean that she will be no good. My DD is fairly tallish, but she is still in the pre-squad at gymnastics and will compete.

Also, she may well be built perfectly for rhythmic gymnastics, which does favour tall thin girls.

Finally, I think it totally misses the point of doing sport / activities as a child. My DD will compete in gymnastics next year, yet I very much doubt she will ever take gymnastics seriously - for her, it is simply a hobby she loves. I think the point of doing hobbies is not to do win or be the best, but for children to develop an interest in life that is something other than school / work. It gives them another dimension in life.

So yes, I find her reasoning odd, but it is her decision all the same.

YANBU. What a strange attitude. So i should not have allowed my dd to do drama club, because she isn't likely to be the next Dame Maggie Smith?? Very odd.