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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be on the verge of exploding with rage at DH?

36 replies

suiledonne · 05/09/2010 18:36

He went out earlier to watch a match - he said he was going to his friend's house and would come home straight after as he knows I'm ill with the flu and exhausted as DD1 was also ill and spent a few days in hospital earlier in the week. The match has been over for over an hour and his phone is going to voicemail.

I know he is in the pub. I am so pissed off. Tomorrow is the start of another long week and I all I wanted was a few hours without the dds to take it easy.

He, on the other hand, was out at a work thing Friday night and went training yesterday so he is not lacking on time to himself.

He doesn't go out much but every time he does it is the same story. Just switches off the phone.

I am about to lose the plot.

OP posts:
massivemammaries · 05/09/2010 18:38

don't get mad. Lock him out by mistake and go to bed early

YANBU

Hullygully · 05/09/2010 18:39

kill him

Flisspaps · 05/09/2010 18:40

MM speaks sense.

laurely · 05/09/2010 18:43

YANBU

That would cause a row in my house.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 05/09/2010 18:43

Do you know which pub?

I'd be seriously tempted to show up there with the kids, plonk them down with him and walk out again and go to bed. Grin

Normally I feel about it when women complain that their husband has gone to the pub but in this situation I think it's really not on - you're really ill, your daughter's been ill, you really REALLY need some rest and he went to a work do (fair enough) went training (could he not have missed that just once?) went to watch a match (what a nice time he's having) and now he's gone on to the pub (totally, totally taking the bloody piss!)

Which means hangover and no help in the morning and you're right back into the weekday routine.

He appears from your description to be quite selfish and uncaring of your situation.

Vallhala · 05/09/2010 18:44

Have a bag packed by the door when he comes home. Tell him what food/washing etc your DC need as you leave for a night at a good friend's house.

(Yes, I would). Wink

rubbersoul · 05/09/2010 19:10

I would be very Angry

He's got a hell of alot of making up to do- he should be helping you out at home and looking after you

sorrento56 · 05/09/2010 19:12

He is being totally unfair. The turning the phone off is just not on, what if you urgently needed him?

YunoYurbubson · 05/09/2010 19:16

What an arsehole. Can you get him to take a day off tomorrow and you have a day in bed?

TheCrackFox · 05/09/2010 19:21

He's a cock.

hairytriangle · 05/09/2010 19:23

Absolutely right valhalla me too!!!

ChippingIn · 05/09/2010 19:23

What Hecate said and what Sorrento said...

Having his phone turned off at anytime would be a deal breaker for me....He doesn't get to opt out of being a Dad - or a husband for that matter.

Words.Would.Be.Had

sungirltan · 05/09/2010 19:34

yanbu. how irresponsible of him.

:-( for you

largeginandtonic · 05/09/2010 19:39

Blardy hell Shock

Lock the door and go to bed. Plan a very nice weekend for yourself next weekend.

Poor you Sad

ChippingIn · 05/09/2010 20:16

Is he home yet? Does he still have both testicles?

MeganFox · 05/09/2010 20:18

YANBU - sounds incredibly selfish.

Habbibu · 05/09/2010 20:21

Does he admit to the phone being switched off? Bloody outrageous, either way. YANBU.

scottishmummy · 05/09/2010 20:29

get why youre annoyed but the mn hyperbole of pack yer bags is bit overs stated

i would have words,about very tired and suffering flu

but given he doesnt gp out much is it possible to agree some compromise with him. this doesn't merit the kick im in the clackers and pack a bag comments

probably someone will roll up and tell you hes an abuser/leave him/call womens aid

onepieceoflollipop · 05/09/2010 20:34

Is he normally reasonable? I think that the going training as well as the match followed by pub was unreasonable. Is it out of character for him to switch phone off? My dh would never do that. (I don't mean that in a smug way, my point is that if dh's phone was off there would be something wrong or network down or phone left at home genuinely in error) My dh would be apologetic if that happened.

Wasn't the packing bag comment for her to pack a bag and go and stay with a friend when he returns?

Also did your dh realise how desperately unwell you were feeling. If he did then perhaps the problem is deeper than just the events of this weekend?

scottishmummy · 05/09/2010 20:42

i do understand pack bags was directed at wife.still bit ott.reaction to a difficult situation is not necessarily to leg it

onepieceoflollipop · 05/09/2010 20:43

Yes I agree over reaction. (not to mention if dh is potentially pissed should not be left with the dcs). Different if he has only had a pint or two obviously.

I would say no big talk tonight, he is unlikely to be amenable to rational discussion? Need to have a decent conversation tomorrow. (unless dh is not generally a reasonable man)

MmeLindt · 05/09/2010 20:45

He is switching off the phone so that you cannot reach him, and that for me would be absolutely unacceptable. No matter how often he goes out, and particularly when you have been ill.

PortraitOfAnApology · 05/09/2010 20:48

Is his phone definitely off? or is it likely that he has no signal? Do you know for certain he is at the pub and not had an accident? If you are certain then ring the pub!

What is he training for? Depending on what it's for then i wouldn't expect that to stop unless its an all day thing. I can understand an hour or so at the gym being missed though.

Does he know how ill you are feeling? or did you do what a lot of mums do and say "oh just go"?

SolidGoldBrass · 05/09/2010 20:54

Having had a furious frantic half hour this afternoon when both my phones ran out of battery, I wouldn't be too quick to jump to the conclusion that he had switched the phone off unless he is the type who never lets the battery go dead.
DOes he have form for this kind of selfishness? Ie does he think that because he's the wage-earner (or higher wage earner) that he;'s the person in the house and you are the servant?

notsocrates · 05/09/2010 21:14

YANB at all U.

Your DH is behaving incredibly selfishly. You say he knows you are ill and he can't have failed to notice one of his children in hospital earlier this week He attended his work do, the training and the match and so would not exactly have been hard done by to come home sharpish and let you get some rest at last.

I do hope that everything picks up this week. Can you get your Mum or a friend to give you a break tomorrow if DH is totally unable to take a day off work?

When you have recovered and have your strength back, you need to have a serious talk with DH and explain how neglected and hurt you felt at the moment when you needed him most, and that just because he goes out to the office does not make you a worthless domestic drudge for whom he can show a complete lack of compassion. He needs a reality check and to remember that you are a human being in need of as much TLC as anyone else, and his WIFE for goodness sake, whom he presumably professes to love or at least care about. Explain to him that his behaviour made you very, very sad and, I am guessing, alone. If you leave it without mention then he will make this mistake again and think it normal. That is not a good path to tread.