Would you go off abroad and elope?,and have anyone secretly planned this and gone through with it.?

[costacoffee]

Because right now we are so tempted but Im scared and really worried about everyone else, but we just want to be married and thats all that matters but I feel really bad plus we we are saving for a house?.

Do it. Cheaper, less pressure, great story, and you can throw a party when you get back for anyone who feels left out.

My friends did this. They phoned/texted lots of us from the airport and said they were doing it. Then threw a great big (easy) party to celebrate in England when they got back. They have relatively non fuss parents though if that makes a difference.

This is why DP and I have never married after 16 years together.

My ideal would be to disappear somewhere and come back married but I know it would cause problems, rows and disappointment even if we held a party afterwards.

Our solution has been to not get married.

Me and DH did this

• prepare for the full out

My parents still don't recognise that we are even married. I wish that they could just say happy anniversary

However do i wish i could go back and change anything? no call me selfish but it was our day and if my mother was involved i would compromise on everything to do what she wants (i know this as we did plan to do a renew our vows day but aborted it because of the stress)

Me and DH planned to go to Vegas on our own to get married in August. Then I found out I was pregnant so we would have had to move it forward or back so I could fly. So instead we had a small, family-only wedding back in April.

My dad was the only person who moaned when we were gonna go away. But then he moaned about me wanting certain things for my small wedding (ie to be given away!!), cause hes just a moaner

I'll be gutted if my dd does that
it's one of the few joys of life to seeyour kids get married

Could you not drop hints that this is what you might do?

Wouldn't care at all if my kids did this.

'it's one of the few joys of life to seeyour kids get married'

Compo - there is much in life to be joyful about. I'd be happy enough for my child to have found someone they loved enough to marry. Never mind how. We've all had the chance to live our own lives. Don't see any problem with eloping if that is what the couple wants.

Go away and get married if that is what you desire, I'm sick of people moaning about their 'right' to see other people marry. A friend of mine is not getting married to her partner because of familial pressures to make a massive thing of it.

Her family seem happy for her to cohabit with a man as a SAHM with little money of her own with none of the legal protections of marriage, though. Morons. .

You can always sweeten the pill by taking your parents for a nice meal afterwards. Perhaps a little party?

I keep telling my kids how romantic it would be.
I've even pointed out where the ladders are if they want to climb out the window...

Yes, we did it! And it was the most wonderful choice we could possibly have made! We had both been married before in the traditional big white wedding, and knew this was what we both wanted to do.

Planned it in total secrecy, phoned our mothers that night, they were surprised (didn't even know we were out of the country!) but very happy for us. I can't say enough about what a great decision it was for us. Besides avoiding all the family dynamics/drama (my parents were divorcing at the time, all family would have had to travel, etc.), our day really was about us and our new union.

It was the most beautiful and romantic experience of our lives, highly recommended.

All family was very supportive afterwards. Only had one friend who was quite put out by it as she had expected to be "in the wedding." Perfect example of it not being about other people.

All the best whatever you choose.

My sister did that. Good for them, we figured.

What CocoPops and marantha said.

If it makes my children happy, it makes me happy!

BUT, they must permit me to take them (and any children) out for a celebratory meal at least!

We did it, although we didn't go abroad. Didn't tell anyone until they started noticing the rings - some of my friends still dont' know. Neither sets of parents minded, indeed my parents have repeatedly said how relieved they were we got marreid without a fuss. The PILS were just very relieved we were married at last (they are very Christian).

I did it too. My DH and I are from different countries, and it just seemed wherever we got married it would cause hurt - people being offended that we had chosen one country over another, and of course several people wouldn't have been able to afford to come. We ran away and got married in another country, just the two of us. Our photographer was our witness, and it was lovely and romantic and personal to us, without the huge cost and stress of a traditional wedding. Our mothers in particular were disappointed, but I think in the end they understood. We used the money we saved by not having a big wedding to go towards a deposit for a house which we are now living in. We did warn people before we did it, and had the ceremony recorded and then sent DVDs to family so they could watch it. If I were you I would go for it. It doesn't have to cost the earth to elope abroad, especially as it wouldn't be much more than a honeymoon anyway? I was really scared about hurting people - especially our mums, and did feel guilty for a while, but like them I got over it! Good luck with whatever you decide

Not abroad, but in our local register office. Then off to London for a fantastic honeymoon. Told everyone (even the DCs) when we came home. Everyone was really pleased and we had a party a couple of weeks later for everyone to join us. Twas lovely.

We did this as well. Like Alohagirl, dh and I are from different countries and it would have upset too many people if we chose his country over mine or vice versa. We already had a holiday abroad planned and that is where we decided to elope. It makes for an interesting story that people seem to enjoy hearing but sometimes I get a little sad that I didn't have the dress, rings, photographer, cake, family and friends filled reception, etc. We married in what we were wearing that day and afterwards went out for a Chinese meal. I don't have any pictutes of our wedding day to show out dc's when they get older. We just celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary and have already outlasted 3 family members who had £10,000+ spent on their weddings though and were married within a few years of us though. I don't regret how we married but I just wish I had planned a bit better and at least took pictures!

My friend did this - well, went down to South Coast, married in registry office quietly then hopped on a ferry to France and sent postcards to family saying 'Just married - see you in a few weeks'. It was all down to family members being awkward and really opinionated about everything and they didn't want the hassle. I thought it was great.

ratspeaker hilarious - hope it works for you soon! Maybe you have to put the ladder up for them these days.

We were wondering whether to just elope ourselves - everything is so d........d expensive and venues take the p.....
"Obviously you want every detail of your really special day to be really really special and therefore pay extra for our bog roll to coordinate with the brides bouquet or we will all know you are cheapskates." etc.

Yep, we did it, got married in Vegas - everyone was happy for us so no fallout of any kind.

We told our parents that we were getting married then went off and did it. I am sure they would have liked to be there but they love us enough to be happy with what we wanted. Oyr parents would have been disappointed if we'd not told them in advance though, and they said they thought of us on our wedding day.

We didn't tell anyone else until after (send cards). Most were delighted for us but one or two seemed upset. But they would have been the ones who would have complained about the arrangements if they'd been there.

Friends did it and the family hadn't spoken to them for five years and counting.

I thought about it but logistically it was easier just to have a small wedding with close family only.

Plus, my family I know would've have issues with it.
We still had minor ones even over the smallest wedding known to man and I often wished we'd just buggered off and done it.

You know your family best