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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think it should be OK to pick a private school for my children

46 replies

tweelife · 05/09/2010 13:59

Hi all, this is my first post here, so hello. I need honest opinions on something.

DD is an August baby and is starting reception year tomorrow at a state school.

I inherited a generous amount of money a few weeks back and DH and I have been talking about sending her to a private school we have in mind, given that we can afford to do the same for DS in a couple of years. We have made an appointment with the school for this week (I know, a bit late) so we were considering of maybe not sending DD to the state school this week until we make a desicion and we'd send her either here or there next week.

I was having a morning coffee with some other mum friends today and two of them attacked me as to how pretentious it is to send my children to a private school, a waste of money and that the only way for the education system to improve is for people to stop privately educating their children, so that all private schools close (yeah, that's gonna happen)

I don't look down on state schools, I went to a state school and did fantastically academically. A lot depends on the stimulation and support children get at home. At the end of the day my children might not want to follow academic careers, a university place is not the reason I picked this school.

I didn't expect this money though and I this is how DH and I will probably choose to invest it. AIBU to not want to feel guilty about giving my kids a private education, it's not like I'm the only one in the country.

OP posts:

SandStorm · 05/09/2010 14:04

Don't send your child to private school simply because you can afford to do it. Send your child to the best school.

Original poster

tweelife · 05/09/2010 14:05

this is the reason we're waiting until our appointment to discuss things in and out. I dont'think private=better

OP posts:

mrsshackleton · 05/09/2010 14:07

yanbu

But obviously the issue upsets a lot of people, your friends may well take it as a message you think you're superior to them

If your local school is awful and the private school is great it seems a sensible way to spend the money. If not, however, maybe you're better off investing the cash for dcs' future and saving enough for secondary and uni education. It must be a very large sum to cover primary, secondary and uni

In the end it's your decision and if you truly believe it is for the best, then don't feel guilty.

NomDePlume · 05/09/2010 14:07

YANBU to not want to feel guilty for the educational choices you make on your children's behalf.

fuschiagroan · 05/09/2010 14:08

Yes in some circumstances you can just save the cash.

Parental input is the most important factor in determining a child's success.

I personally wouldn't go private unless I was as sure as I could be that I would be able to afford it for the duration with no financial stress. Consider things like uniform, meals and activities on top of the fees themselves, it can really add up

lindsell · 05/09/2010 14:09

Of course it should be fine to send your children to whichever school you decide. I hate the reverse snobbery thing that you shouldn't send children to private school.

However I would check out the schools carefully, presumably you were happy with the state school before you inherited the money? Also I'd be surprised if good private schools had places available at such short notice and ask about that - where we live there are waiting lists.

I intend to send ds to private school for secondary but not for primary unless can't get him into a decent state primary.

PosieParker · 05/09/2010 14:10

Find the best school and send her, please include locality in your decision as having friends to play will be tricky if she's too far and consider that working parents are much less likely to have children for tea....this can be in State or Private.

SandStorm · 05/09/2010 14:11

There are so many considerations to take into account here. If the primary schools round you aren't as good, then by all means send your DC to private school now.

But I would suggest having a quick look at the secondary system as well. I only say this because in my area the primary schools are fantastic and then it all falls apart a bit for secondary. Which is why my DDs were educated at state primary (and one still is) and we then put DD1 into private.

If you have the funds to continue education from now till your youngest hits 18 then this might not be consideration for you though.

mumto2andnomore · 05/09/2010 14:12

I would send her to the state school if its a good one and keep your money for holidays,your home etc but then my children are in a very good state school Im happy with.

onimolap · 05/09/2010 14:13

And remember that terms in private schools are shorter than in the state sector, so you'll need more elaborate holiday arrangements (unless you have a SAHP).

You need to choose the individual school, not just private v state. No need to hurry into a decision. What is most important to you about education for your DCs, and which schools actually look as if they provide it?

TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 05/09/2010 14:14

Well, how do you feel about the state school she is currently enrolled at?

Good? Bad? Indifferent?

LadySanders · 05/09/2010 14:15

I have a friend who is and always has been very snotty about the fact that ds1 goes to a private school... for some reason it's something that people can get very aggressive about. I sent him private because our local state schools are rubbish - but I have no strong feelings about it other than sending him to the best school for him. We are househunting at the moment in order to get into a better area where we can move ds1 and the other 2 when they are older into state schools.

LadySanders · 05/09/2010 14:18

i also get the impression that some people (and i've seen the attitude here on mn) think private schools are full of totally different people than state schools. Whereas in fact at my son's school, although yes there are a few parents who are clearly fabulously wealthy, most of the other parents are very 'average' for the area we live in, not earning pots of money but choosing to spend what they do have on education.

happiestblonde · 05/09/2010 14:21

YANBU

It is an admirable decision to put this money towards your children's education.

Best of luck x

hairytriangle · 05/09/2010 14:37

YANBU. It's up to you how your children are educated.

"I dont'think private=better" - so why are you considering private education?

SeaTrek · 05/09/2010 15:03

YANBU - it is totally up to you.

I don't think the argument is really state vs private it is simply choosing the best school for your child in your local area. If that happens to be private, and up until recently it wasn't an option, then I think you are making the right decision.

All private schools are not created equal, the same as children and state schools! It is very much an individual decision and really should be treated as such.

MissAnneElk · 05/09/2010 15:11

Nothing to do with your friends what you choose to do. As others have said good schools, state and private are usually full so if the private school still has a place available I'd be wondering why.
Also, if you decide to not send your DD to the state school while you make up your mind they can offer her place to another child if they are oversubscribed.

dilemma456 · 05/09/2010 15:18

Your money your choice.

However, I'd send your DD to school while you consider your options your you may find you lose the place the there and on top of that that the private can't offer you a place immediately.

I would be very suprised if any private school could offer a place at such short notice. DD's has a waiting list for reception. I would wonder about the quality of a school with vacancies at this stage in the school year.

warthog · 05/09/2010 15:23

send her to the state school while you look around.

don't rush into anything. choose the best school for your dd.

i think it's great that you're using your inheritance for your kids. a really positive move.

Beethoven · 05/09/2010 15:43

YANBU, but for some people (including myself) it's not about inverse snobbery that sets people off against private schools, but some people (including me) think it's ethically wrong.

I wouldn't attack you for it, but if I were a friend I'd feel free to voice my opinion.

Quenbioz · 05/09/2010 15:44

YANBU to choose a private school. But I think with rights and privileges there's also a responsibility to consider those less well-off. So I'd also agree with perhaps giving something back to a local state school if you can, or sponsoring a school overseas with little money, or voting for a party that will give the best deal to UK state schools.

MumNWLondon · 05/09/2010 15:44

YANBU, but if the state school she is due to attend is good why not save the money for later on? The money might better be invested in a different way.

curlymama · 05/09/2010 16:07

Your friends were wrong to have a go at you for considering private education. They might be jealous, and I know I will probably get flamed for saying that, but it might be the truth.

I was privately educated and it had both advantages and disadvantages. It was good because I was pushed into working and may well have got away with doing nothing in a larger school, I'm not a particularly academic person! But I was miles away from friends, and possibly at a disadvantage when it came to GCSE options, as the local all girls comp offered far more choices that would probably have suited me better. The point is that you have to think of what would suit your dd best, and if you like the school. Just because a school charges fees does not always make it good. It really does have to be all about your daughter and your family. If you can still afford to have family holidays and not have to sacrifice too much else, then why shouldn't you consider it?

If I could I would have my dcs attend the fantastic state schools in primary and go private for secondary. Maybe that's because I went private and the local secondary here takes the same number of children every year that made up my entire school, so it does just seem to big to me.

I really can't understand why some people think private education is ethically wrong, does that make private medical cover wrong too? Sad truth is that if either disappeared, the state provision simply would not cope.

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 05/09/2010 16:08

I think guilt is something that comes from you not your friends.

hettie · 05/09/2010 16:19

Well the guilt depends on why you are amking the choice. And to me that depends what you think you are investing in? I went to state and private and my private had smaller classes, better facilities and a large drug problem.... Do you want your kids to get good results and city/lawyer type job? Then go private they will get better results and in the right private school better contacts. But if you just want your kids to be happy then don't bother (being a lawyer/terribly well paid may not by default make them happy), concentrate on other things and using the money to buy more time with you kids (both work part time or in less demanding jobs or somethign).

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