To want to slap my sister?

[asouthwoldmummy]

My sister is currently 31 weeks pregnant with her first DC. She and her DP have bought a second-hand pram on eBay which came with a used car seat, which they are planning to use. He runs his own fairly successful business and she earns a good wage and plans to return full-time so they can easily afford a new one. I asked how would she know it hadn't been in an accident and she replied that she'd be able to tell.

She is also still smoking around 15 a day. Mum confronted her about this yesterday. Her reply was that she knows the baby is fine because she can feel it kicking! (as if that's the only indication of a healthy baby?!)

Morgan55, yes it is hard. I am still trying to quit and I am not a benefit grabbing useless member of society.

I know it's wrong, I am fully aware of all of the pitfalls, but I can't stop.

I am reading Allen Carr for the 5th time and hoping it will work.

i didn't say anything about benefit grabbing...... i think that is a pretty dangerous and unfair generalization. and i don't think it's that hard when you consider what's at stake, i did it. hopefully you'll be successful this time

I smoked at least 20 a day before I found out I was pregnant. I stopped as soon as I realized and it WAS fucking hard but it is also entirely within your ability. I thought to myself that smoking a cigerette would be like blowing smoke into a newborns face, and no craving could make me do that. It got easier quickly and I found it helpful to look up the positive effects of quitting to keep me stay motivated. (nicotine out of your system within 48 hours, carbon monoxide levels drop etc..). My dp quit three months ago and uses a nicorette inhaler to take the edge off his cravings, I still think cold turkey works best but I guess nicotine replacement would be better for baby than cigerettes.

could you club together with some other friends/family to buy her a car seat as a baby present?

she's finding loads of money from all the fags.. she should be able to buy her own car seat! And presumably you're bankrupting yourselves paying for ivf...

(sorry come from a fairly emotional perspective on this one!)

'for all the fags', apols..

and re the 'women are not just incubators' debate, well, no they are not but if they choose to bring another life into the world they have a responsibility to that person while it is inside them. If you want to drink a bottle of tequila a day and smoke like a chimney, don't get up the duff. Simple.

Well in all honesty women really are not just incubators- I firmly believe that. It doesn't mean that I don't completely disapprove of smoking, I do, I think it's terrible to smoke when pregnant but you have to accept the fact that it is the woman's choice. Legally it is the woman's choice. There is nothing you can do about it.

The woman's human rights will always override the unborn baby's because to legislate otherwise would be unrealistic at best.

yep agree you can't legislate otherwise, but morally it is crap

and then of course there are all the smoking related diseases that the nhs winds up having to pay for (while not paying for ivf...but I won't start that debate again...)

Do that many women actually still smoke while pregnant though? I know of maybe 2 ever.

I had no problem not smoking while pregnant or breastfeeding. For starters I felt sick for the first 3 months anyway. It physically wasn't difficult. It was as if my body knew what was good for it while pregnant. Weird.

Ooh and funnily enough they weren't on benefits. That challenges the benfit grabber= pregnant smoker theory .

Peering over the parapet here. OP, mind your own business. You are clearly jealous (justifiably) but it really isn't your concern. I was 37 when DD was born, I smoked and I had the occasional glass of beer. Shoot me. DD is perfectly well formed, she was small but came three weeks early so that acounts for that. It isn't up to you to police other peoples choices.

mrscrafty Yes, I ama non smoker. I had thre sense not to start in the first place, I was well aware of the damage it could do. I never said I was perfect and don't profess to be. It seems you're a tad oversensitive to me.

My Mum has spent her entire life (44 years fo which she was a smoker) saying she couldn't give up smoking and made numerous 'attempts'. Even getting COPD didn't motivate her enough to stop, although she still maintained she couldn't. Then she came to stay here for a few weeks, she had just lost her Mum and also two grandchildren, so probably the most stressful time of her life. What happened made her stop and look at things and she gave up. Just like that. Why?! Because that was the first time she had ever really wanted to stop.

Kreecher- I'm not at all jealous. My sister wanted to get pregnant and I'm over the moon for her, I just think she's disgusting and incredibly selfish.
But there are so many parents of children with various conditions who would give anything for a healthy child, then there are others who can't even stop smoking for 9 months!
Yes it is hard to stop smoking but thousands of people manage it (myself included). Anyone who says they can't do it simply can't be arsed. She's been saying for years she wants to quit and let's face it, if she can't quit now she never will!

And another thing, had your dd been stillborn or died of cot death at a few weeks old would you still think smoking in pregnancy was acceptable?

My sister's dp also had bad asthma so surely her smoking won't help?!

kreecher - well you and your DD were lucky but my thoughts remain the same: judgeypants firmly on when thinking about anyone who knowingly endangers their child's health, which smoking in pregnancy clearly does. Just because you got away with it doesn't make it ok.