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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Priority Seats....

49 replies

Starbuck999 · 03/09/2010 23:45

On the bus home from school today (regular public bus not school bus) and dd (6) and I were opposite two extremely well behaved, quiet and respsonible-looking high school girls.

The 4 of us has the 4 priority seats and the bus was pretty empty. The bus started to fill up and two older ladies walked on. I didn't notice them as our backs were towards the door and the 2 high school girls didn't notice them as they had their heads in a work folder.

The leading older lady starts screeching very sternly "PRIORITY SEATS, PRIORITY SEATS!! whilst wagging a finger at the sign. We of course all immediately got up and they took 2 of the 3 now empty seats (I left dd in the 4th seat)AIBU to think she was really rude in the way she requested the seat, as if the two teenagers and the young mother "obviously" weren't going to get up for them, she could see we hadn't seen her, a small cough or "excuse me" would have been sufficient!

THEN.. she told my dd to get up as these seats were "priority seats" and someone may need one. Err bus now packed, dd is 6 and small and it's very hard for a 6 yr old to stand on a packed fast moving bus without falling over! I told her to stay where she was and said older lady gave me a very dirty look. I think dd had priority over a non existent passenger!

It all annoyed me, but then I was a bit grumpy from being shopping all day, so thought I'd have amoan about her.

OP posts:

TheNextMrsDepp · 03/09/2010 23:48

I agree, she really didn't have to be so rude, but it was reasonable for her to ask you to let her have the seats. But I would have told her dd will move as and when someone else needs the seat, and not before!

BTW, couldn't dd have sat on your lap?

GiddyPickle · 03/09/2010 23:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SirBoobAlot · 03/09/2010 23:51

Sorry, but if you got on the bus and it was pretty empty, you should have sat elsewhere. Those seats are for people who need them quickly, and whilst she shouldn't have been rude, you shouldn't have been sat there.

AgentZigzag · 03/09/2010 23:52

It's possible that in the persons mind that if she'd asked politely she would have been told to fuck off, so she preempted that and felt she had to be 'assertive'?

In the same vein, in the back of her mind she might have the 'older people come before children' when it comes to seating, which is why she said that about your DD.

I'm only playing devils advocate as I wasn't there, and I have found older people to be perhaps a tad ruder than you would expect them to be, but like us, they're all individuals so you can't expect anything from them.

booyhoo · 03/09/2010 23:56

she had no need to be rude. a simple "may i have that seat please?" would have sufficed. but some people find problems wihout them being there so perhaps in her silly head you were being arrogant by sitting there.

bruffin · 03/09/2010 23:58

Why didn't you put your 6 year old on your lap especially if she is small.

GiddyPickle · 04/09/2010 00:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Starbuck999 · 04/09/2010 00:03

I had loads of shopping with me which had to go in the shopping area of the bus so I had to sit near it, plus the bus goes down a huge dual carriage way type road at crazy speeds, it had already sped off before dd had chance to sit down so it wasn't safe to walk to other seats at the back. We needed a seat quickly else dd would have been on the floor!

OP posts:

ForzaDelDestino · 04/09/2010 00:04

YABU

You will be old too one day

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/09/2010 00:04

"The 4 of us has the 4 priority seats and the bus was pretty empty." I don't really understand why the 4 of you had chosen those particular seats?

Original poster

Starbuck999 · 04/09/2010 00:04

Oh and dd didn't need to be on my lap. I was more than happy to stand, it was justa seat for dd that I wanted.

OP posts:

SirBoobAlot · 04/09/2010 00:05

You should have moved when the bus next stopped, or been on the look out for someone who needed the seat more, then.

booyhoo · 04/09/2010 00:06

yes forza but maybe she will be polite about it.

Original poster

Starbuck999 · 04/09/2010 00:07

Whereyouleftit, well I explained above why I chose them, the buses here have those 4 and two "high up" seats at the front, then the buggy area then the back doors then more seats at the back. I see the priority seats as regular seats and ok for nayone to use as long as you're prepared to jump up quick if someone else needs them.

Forzadeldestino - Err yes, we shall all be old one day. Your point?

OP posts:

snowmash · 04/09/2010 00:14

"it had already sped off before dd had chance to sit down so it wasn't safe to walk to other seats at the back. We needed a seat quickly else dd would have been on the floor!"

So what do you think happens when someone who needs a priority seat gets on? (in erms of the driver driving off)

SirBoobAlot · 04/09/2010 00:14

"I see the priority seats as regular seats and ok for nayone to use as long as you're prepared to jump up quick if someone else needs them." - Well then why are you complaining? Someone else needed them, you didn't see her coming, and if her time on the buses is anything like mine, she is used to being ignored when she needs to sit down, and requests to. So she got your attention.

Giddyup · 04/09/2010 00:15

YANBU the signs usually say "please give up this seat for those less able to stand" or similar- not: "Don't sit here unless you are old, preggo etc".

This is a huge and sweeping generalisation but more often than not when I see rudeness in public OAPs are the ones dealing it out not the ones on the receiving end.

cremedelacreme · 04/09/2010 00:18

YANBU - old lady should have asked politely. And DD should only move if someone else, with a priority need, got on the bus. No more complicated than that.

Rockbird · 04/09/2010 00:23

I would have had to say something to her, would definitely have given up the seat but would have pulled her up on how she spoke. No need for rudeness.

ccpccp · 04/09/2010 10:02

YABU

If you use the priority seats it is your job to be aware of people getting on the bus.

'not noticing' is a common tactic by people who are happy to let a pensioner stand.

With regards comments about daugher - they come from a time when adults sit and kids stand on a full bus. Its no surprise they regarded a 6 year old taking a full fare paying passenger seat as bad. Was anyone else standing so that a school age child could sit in comfort?

KarmaAngel · 04/09/2010 10:13

YANBU There was no need for her to be rude.

"Its no surprise they regarded a 6 year old taking a full fare paying passenger seat as bad."

That would depend where in the country you are though. I have to pay for my 7 year old dd on the bus (bloody 90p ). So she gets a seat as she's paid for one. I do put my 3 year old dd on my knee though.

sanielle · 04/09/2010 15:59

"YANBU the signs usually say "please give up this seat for those less able to stand" or similar- not: "Don't sit here unless you are old, preggo etc"."

See I take that to mean if the bus is full you can sit in these seats unless someone needs them more than you.

If the bus is empty will hardly kill me to walk 2 rows back but might force someone who needs the seats to wait for me to move and make a fuss, or have to walk further rather than ask.

IveStillGotIt · 04/09/2010 21:24

YANBU as you and the teenage girls leaped up out of those seats as soon as that grumpy old bitch said something, however, why did you not sit somewhere else in the first place? I know you've said you had bags in the luggage area that you needed to keep an eye on, but could you not have squeezed them into a regular seat with your DD and yourself?
I remember once when I was 41+2 weeks pg with DS (had him two days later), getting on a packed bus, and nobody offered me a seat, so I stood and waited until someone got up to leave, and I went to dive into the empty seat, and this big fat pig who had also been standing, had a go at me for "stealing her seat" as she had been on the bus before me. I pointed out that I was very heavily pg (as if she hadn't noticed!), and she proceeded to stand there having a go at me for the rest of the journey, even went up to the driver, shouting at him to tell me to move!!! Some people are just plain rude (or to lazy to stand!), and they always seem to come out on buses, from my experience!!!

dinkystinky · 04/09/2010 21:29

YANBU - I've had old ladies come and scowl at me for sitting in a priority seat when the rest of the bus was empty and I was 41 weeks pregnant and needed to sit near the door to stop the bus being massively delayed while I tried to shuffle my enormobump out the door... what is so difficult about saying "excuse me these are priority seats for people like us - can I have a seat please?"

roundthebend4 · 04/09/2010 21:37

i think a polite exscuse me do you mind moving would have been the thing for ladys to say .I often board bus with ds in his wheelchair and theres often people sat in the flip down seats and most the time If asked will happily move.Just simple manners and they can be lacking in anyone age is no barrier

Only once have been told no was here first , but soon solved by bus driver asking if they could not read and could they either move or get of the bus

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