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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking that a prewritten and preprinted thank you note for a birthday present and for attendance at an 8 year old's party is a bit weird?

43 replies

Homebird8 · 03/09/2010 11:00

My DS's attended a birthday party yesterday of a child they have known all their lives. It was busy, and fun, and they had a good time. All wonderful!

Then, as children left they had to file past the birthday child to receive a thank you note for their present which also stated that said birthday child had had a good tine at the party and thank you for coming.

All very polite but the child had been expected to write this note beforehand, and then it was scanned and printed in multiple copies to be handed out at the appropriate moment.

What if no-one had taken presents? What if the child hadn't enjoyed the party? Does it really count as a thank you? (I never insist on notes but feel that a heartfelt thank you verbally is both polite and appreciated.)

Is this way of going on weird or AIBU?

OP posts:
warthog · 03/09/2010 11:01

a bit wierd but then... so what really.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 03/09/2010 11:03

I think it's a nice idea. DD went to a party recently where the parents had made a generic thank you note and as birthday girl opened the present they filled out the blank bit. that way DD had one that read 'Dear littleKreecher, O loves the --(bubble bath- you got her and thanks you for coming to her party. This family are dutch, don't know if that makes a difference. I just wish that my DD would remember who got her what, rather than just launch into a frenzy of present unwrapping.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 03/09/2010 11:07

I think it's a bit odd, Homebird.

And I'm with you wrt thank you notes more generally - a genuine, verbal "thank you" is worth more than a begrudgingly written note (although I do make ds write these for his birthday guests because I worry about what other parents think).

Original poster
Homebird8 · 03/09/2010 11:08

Your right warthog. I guess I needed to hear "so what". Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Homebird8 · 03/09/2010 11:10

I don't worry about what other parents think of me but I do think a graceful thank you should come naturally and happily from my sons. To help out I always write a list of gifts and givers so they don't get muddled over who to thank!

OP posts:
Ballpoint · 03/09/2010 11:11

I did something similar with DD and her various relatives after her birthday; she drew a picture and wrote "Thank you very much for my presents" on it then I photocopied off something like 5 copies and sent them.

I thought I was being efficient. A little impersonal perhaps but it worked for us. I don't know of many children who want to sit there and write out thank you notes.

withorwithoutyou · 03/09/2010 11:12

I think it's better than no note.

But I think I must be quite old fashioned as I always write thank you notes from the DD's and a couple of people have expressed surprise (i.e. they think it's odd that I do it).

Original poster
Homebird8 · 03/09/2010 11:13

After the party is one thing. But before is a bit presumptuous in my opinion.

OP posts:
withorwithoutyou · 03/09/2010 11:13

(my DDs are 2.0 and 9 weeks btw, so can't write them themselves)

sorrento56 · 03/09/2010 11:16

That is worse than not giving any thank yous at all imo. My dd came home from school with a note typed

thank you for my present from miss useless

on the same day she gave the present.

my son came home with personally written thank you notes from his teacher mentioning the gift and how much she had enjoyed it and what she had done with it.

Miggsie · 03/09/2010 11:18

I get pre printed thank you cards and DD fills in the child's name and present and signs it. We give them out a week or so after the party as DD fills in about 5 at a time.
If it is one of DD's special friends she writes "I love you" on the bottom of the card!!!

But then I'm one of those mums who sits with DD who opens each presnet in turn, and I write what the present was on the accompnaying card so we know exactly who sent what.

My mum used to do it, birthdays and christmas...so I've got the habit too.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 03/09/2010 11:19

Ds's teacher thanked me in person. She also said that she'd never seen anything quite like it. Which I'm not quite sure how to take Grin

Onetoomanycornettos · 03/09/2010 11:19

I only write thank you notes to people who I haven't thanked in person, so I only expect my children to do the same. At their parties, I let my children open their presents in front of the giver, as I think it's quite exciting for both of them, then let them say a genuine thank you in person. I don't make them write a note as well.

I don't really like arriving at someone's house for a birthday and having the present taken immediately away and put in the present pile, especially if my dd's have put thought into chosing it. I find it not in the spirit of present-giving and a bit materialistic. I always open presents myself in front of the person who gave it.

deakell · 03/09/2010 11:19

Most small children generally have a good time at most parties. If there was cake, party food, other children and a goodie bag, your DS will have had fun.

Not as presumptious as you might think!

At least they had them ready in advance, better than not getting one at all (not that that bothers me much either)

Hullygully · 03/09/2010 11:20

Very sensible and organised. Thoroughly approve.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 03/09/2010 11:25

cornettos I don't like the presents being whisked away, either. It smacks of the parents being more concerned about getting the thank yous out and yes, misses the point of gift giving.

Having said that we once had a huge party - ds ripped all the paper off in a frenzy and we had to guess who had bought what. And some of the presents got damaged by other dcs. So with younger DCs at a bigger party, it makes sense.

Giddyup · 03/09/2010 11:26

I think something pre printed is better than no thank you at all (I think I may have to go down this route after DC2 is born), but given out at the party is odd. How is that teaching the child to be thankful and appreciative? It seems insincere to me.

deakell · 03/09/2010 11:30

The child will have been as grateful and appreciative if writing out the notes before or after.

Either not at all, or just generaly grateful for the fact that they had a nice party to look forward to and would get some nice presents and have fun.

Seriously, it's a kids party! Perspective please.

SocialButterfly · 03/09/2010 11:59

I took a group photo of all the children at DD's party and then went to boots and printed them out with a message saying thank you for the gift and for coming to the party and handed them out the next week - all the kids seemed to like having a photo to put up in their bedroom.

Emo76 · 03/09/2010 12:35

Well it is polite to say thank you but what's the point when they haven't even opened the gift. It's all so mechanical - why bother even doing gifts if it is going to be like that?

3Trees · 03/09/2010 12:41

I make a list at the time of the party, of who was there and what gift they brought.

Then, DS adn I make a note card together afterwards, and i give them to the parents at the school gate

it would be wierd to have them ready in advance, I like to include a little personal detail, such as " we thought X's pink dress was lovely" or, "we were so pleased that Y enjoyed the pass the parcel etc"

Onetoomanycornettos · 03/09/2010 12:52

Jenai, I agree if you have a whole class party, then putting the presents to one side is sensible. You can't have twenty five presents opened. But if it's like the usual parties my children attend, say 5-15 children, I think it's rude to just grab the present off the child and stuff it in a black plastic sack after the party-goer has chosen it specially. I see gift-giving as a social interaction, the child gives thought to choosing a gift for her friend's party, they wrap it up themselves, write the card themselves, then give it and get the birthday child's response which is a 'thank you'. Obviously I'm alone in this, I get lots of notes in bags later which say 'thank you', but these are clearly written/printed by the parents, and actually, lots of children are quite ungrateful when you give them things directly which I find really upsetting.

Greensleeves · 03/09/2010 13:03

there was a thread on here a while ago where lots of posters thought it was incredibly crass and rude to let the child open presents at the party in front of the other children

tbh if I tried to use MN as a benchmark for social acceptibility I would have slit my wrists from sheer frustration by now

so I just do things the way I think they should be done and try not to worry Grin

certainly do not get excited about note/no note/typed note/verbal thanks etc. Bovvered.

scouserabroad · 03/09/2010 13:11

My ILs find it really rude to open a present in front of the person who gave it, but you do have to say thank you when they hand it over. The reasoning being that it was nice of them to give a present,and it doesn't matter what it is - it's the thought that counts, etc. They are north african tho, maybe tis a cultural thing.

nameymcnamechange · 03/09/2010 13:13

Naff more than weird imvho.