in thinking that a prewritten and preprinted thank you note for a birthday present and for attendance at an 8 year old's party is a bit weird?

[Homebird8]

My DS's attended a birthday party yesterday of a child they have known all their lives. It was busy, and fun, and they had a good time. All wonderful!

Then, as children left they had to file past the birthday child to receive a thank you note for their present which also stated that said birthday child had had a good tine at the party and thank you for coming.

All very polite but the child had been expected to write this note beforehand, and then it was scanned and printed in multiple copies to be handed out at the appropriate moment.

What if no-one had taken presents? What if the child hadn't enjoyed the party? Does it really count as a thank you? (I never insist on notes but feel that a heartfelt thank you verbally is both polite and appreciated.)

Is this way of going on weird or AIBU?

At least its a thank you in some form. I hate going to the trouble of visiting various shops with 2Dcs in order to buy and wrap the right thing, and then get a card as well, and then just get well....nothing afterwards, not a word.

I don't care what form the thank you comes in be it text message, email, verbal, a photocopied note, a card...as long as I get one.

Nesta I was going to disagree with you, until you mentioned that a verbal thank you was OK

I like ordering things from Amazon going shopping for presents though, as a rule.

Very organised and efficient, to the point of being a bit insensitive. It's as if they don't have the time to do proper thanking or can't be bothered. What if someone didn't bring a present - they would feel awkward.

I like it when thank you letters are individually written, mentioning what present they got and what they particularly like about it.

But better than no thank you letter at all, I suppose!

I did what socialbutterfly did, use a photo of everyone at the party as the basis of a thank you note, with a 'thank you for coming to my party, I had a lovely time and hope you did too' printed on it, then personalised it with a line or two to say thank you about the gift, and then ds1 (5) had just written his name on the bottom (quite a bit of effort for him). Seemed to go down well with the parents that mentioned it to me, they and their dc had liked the pic.

Only bad thing was when we came to look at the pic there was one little girl I couldn't identify but figured it was because I was useless mummy who still hadn't learnt names of all the kids in his class.

However turns out ds1 didn't know who it was either - some random little girl had come up from the softplay with our group and had a meal. She didn't say to anyone that she didn't know anyone and all the other adults there didn't realise because being a reception year party, everybody feels that they probably don't know everybody and assumed it was a friend from elsewhere or somebody new etc!

YANBU. The bit I really dislike is teaching the assumption that you'll have received presents.

We've never been to a birthday party where the presents are opened, they are always put on a table and then opened after the party.

Thought this was normal, we attend about 15 parties a year and has always been the case.

yabu.

It was just a way of saying thank you. Give the kid a break.

What's with the lip-pursing about knowing you'll receive presents in advance.

It's a kids' party in 2010. Everyone brings a present. We all know that.

Cheeso.

If people have made the effort to come to a party and bring a gift then it's not too much to ask to send a thank you afterwards IMO. Otherwise it is just making it impolitely clear that thanks are just another task to be ticked off. How can thanks be sincere if prepared generically in advance?

Yes, a bit odd!

I don't particulary like general thank you notes though. I think it is MUCH nicer to mention the actual present for a start, although that doesn't seem to be the norm these days.

It depends on your personal interpretation of sincere.

Did you give a present? Was it nice? Of course. Adults, stop flapping. You are sounding neurotic.

My dd has her party one week before the start of the Summer holidays, so rather than get her to spend her hols toiling away at 20 thank you letters, I write a thank you in Word and add in each child's name and whatever the present was and print it out then get my daughter to write Love from Mango's dd on each one and stick inside a notelet. I've no idea whether this is considered acceptable or not by the other mums, but frankly after all the time, effort and expense i have gone to to hold a party they are lucky i don't demand a thank you letter from them for entertaining/babysitting their child and giving it food and prizes and party bags! :o

Re: the gifts on a table thing instead of being opened on the spot.

If the birthday boy/girl opened each present as it arrived, you would never get them to join in the party as they would be too immersed in present unwrapping and playing with them. Plus its not fair on the other kids who would also want to play with them. A fight would break out. Everyone would cry. Even the kids. They would have to use pre printed Thank you cards to mop up the snot. The Mums would all get drunk with the stress and take up smoking. Someone might ring Childline. It would be carnage.

Just put the bloody present on the table for all our sakes.

LOL Nesta :o

Its a little impersonal, but it doesn't bother me hugely. However, I do write individual thank you notes to friends and relatives who give DS presents, I just think its a bit nicer.

Should add that DS is only 2, thats why I write his thank you cards at the mo!