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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish people would be cleaner and politer in my house!

45 replies

BoojaB · 02/09/2010 21:08

OK, in the big scheme of things, this is completely insignificant, but it's bugging me!

DD is 2 years, 3 months. We often have her friends (with parent/s) over to play. It seems that they have a total disregard for my house though!

For example, someone rolled up unannounced at 9am today, allowed his three year old son to walk all over toys in his shoes, and let him climb all over and jump up and down on my (new) sofas in his shoes. When DP asked the boy not to put his shoes on the sofas, his dad took them off and put them (dirty soles down) on the coffee table. He's the third parentto do this (outdoor shoes on coffee table) in my house.

As well as children and parents taunting my dog and cats (well, I can think of three examples - today's son and dad thought it was fun to pull my cat's tail and called her "tempremental" when she cried! - I wasn't pleased when I saw what was going on!), it also seems that children are better behaved with their own toys in their own homes. For example (and there are many!) a friend is very house proud, but when she visited with her two and eight year olds, they broke one toy, kicked a jigsaw off a table, and had their feet up (sweaty socks, not shoes this time) on the coffee table.

It leads me to think that our house might look shoddy as people seem to abuse the furniture, but it's all fairly new and decent-ish quality in the living room, so I'm not sure about that. I also clean the downstairs rooms daily, so I don't think that it looks too bad.

I just wish that parents wouldn't forget they're parents in my house! If I say "Sam, please don't go in that room and kick the dog's bowl over" - I expect the parent to listen and act on it (this happened today!)

I'm not uptight at all and love having friends over. In fact, a couple of friends recently commented that they know they're always welcome at mine and that there's always a brew on and a meal in progress, so I'm not a houseproud prissy person.

Anyway, enough babbling! Am I being unreasonable?? :)

OP posts:
ilovehens · 02/09/2010 21:10

I think that you need to replace these people with some who are housetrained.

YANBU at all.

StealthPolarBear · 02/09/2010 21:11

no and Shock at the shoes on the table!

taintedpaint · 02/09/2010 21:11

Regardless of how shoddy your house is (and I'm sure it isn't!), people should still take their outdoor shoes off and they certainly should not put their DCs shoes on the freaking table!

YANBU at all!

IlanaK · 02/09/2010 21:14

Not unreasonable, but probably self inflicted. You need to lay down your rules from the beginning. I have friends round with their kids all the time. As we home school, it is whole families of kids all at once. I am obssessive about clean floors. All shoes are taken off at the door, even if they are going straight through the house out to the garden. They take them off and put them on again at the rear door. No food anywhere except kitchen and conservatory. Kids not allowed on beds in my kids bedrooms. No-one allowed in my bedroom at all. It may sound strict, but my friends know that if they want to come to my house, that is how it is. And they still come and they still have a good time. And they are not all older kids. Most of our friends have a few kids in their family with the younger ones still being toddlers so the rules are not just for older ones. My 2 year old is fully trained to take shoes off as soon as he comes in from the garden.

pluperfect · 02/09/2010 21:14

Tell the children off directly, ideally with the parents present. Shame them inot taking action. If they demur, ask them quietly how they would like it.

They have only come into your life recently. You can kick them out easily, unless they shape up.

Original poster
BoojaB · 02/09/2010 21:15

I'm so glad you all think so! I was starting to wonder if I'm really uptight.

I always, always take mine and DD's shoes off as soon as we go into someone's house, and I'd certainly step-in if she was jumping all over the furniture etc.

Thanks so much for your replies! :)

OP posts:
pebblejones · 02/09/2010 21:19

Your guests are very rude! YANBU!

Original poster
BoojaB · 02/09/2010 21:19

IlanaK - that all makes sense to me. I need to lay down the law. Thanks.

pluperfect - thanks also for your advice. I need to toughen up and ensure that parents act like parents!

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 02/09/2010 21:23

I have a shoes off rule for dcs but think it is rude to ask adults. ( I would prefer adults to remove shoes but would never tell them). With dcs they are usually my dc's friends or cousins. So I say to my own children "tell x where to leave their shoes" and it is crystal clear what is expected.

TriplePachyderm · 02/09/2010 21:25

I have had a hideous tip of a house for years which I am now making a home and a clean and tidy one at that

but I have NEVER put shoes on the table!

and I certainly would never even dream of it in someone elses house

it just is not done

Chatelaine · 02/09/2010 21:25

When you open the door and welcome visitors, block their way by just remaining where you are, and freely explain that shoes etc are to be taken off at this point. Also, be free to state that anyone coming in from school, work should wash their hands before proceeding further! or whatever you expect. All done with good humour, people respect you for this imx. It's your home, take control, do not apologise for your standards.

Vallhala · 02/09/2010 21:25

I'm with PluPerfect.

The dirty, disrespectful people and children would get one warning.

Had anyone's child pulled my cat's tail or taunted my dogs, they and their brat child would be leaving my house PDQ with a rocket up their asses, never to return.

Original poster
BoojaB · 02/09/2010 21:29

Chatelaine, the problem with this particular family is that the little boy is literally through the door before you can even see who it is! The parents don't seem to notice, and they always turn up unannounced. You're definitely right about the sense of humour - thanks for the advice!

Vallhala, I was SO angry when I saw the boy and the bloke in his late forties pulling my cat's tail. I'm still really, really, really annoyed now. I think the shock of it took the wind out of my sails a bit, so I didn't know what to do. I'll say something to them next time I see them.

OP posts:
JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 02/09/2010 21:29

YANBU

i had a sil like this, she came her son trashed the place, all of the living room play room, and even in my ds bedroom, so i encouraged my house trained two to tidy up. sil sat on arse with her ds watching tv. i set up painting thinking having them at the table would be better. again, the whole thing trashed, no actual play happening just chaos, and then she left.

i was seething.

especially since at hers she calls my two messy for playing alot, and constantly puts away things they are actually holding.

dp politely asked her to help next time, and we havent heard from them in 6mnths.

pluperfect · 02/09/2010 21:31

Oh! Oh! Could you take Vallhala's advice with the rocket, and have the rocket be the thing that propels them out of the house?!

RollaCoasta · 02/09/2010 21:31

Wait till your kids are 17and bring their mates round......

pagwatch · 02/09/2010 21:31

BoojaB

at some stage you have to put your foot down aboutthem turning up unannounced. That would drive me mad. Close friends = lovely surprise. everyone else = bloody rude

Nexttime they do it beam at them and say
'gosh what a shame you didn't call to say you were on your way. I am right in the middle of something.. Perhaps tomorrow?

Vallhala · 02/09/2010 21:37

"Vallhala, I was SO angry when I saw the boy and the bloke in his late forties pulling my cat's tail."

I am, quite literally, open-mouthed at that.
A grown man?? Not just watching his brat pull your cat's tail, but joining in?? Shock

Nope, sorry, he wouldn't have got away with that had I been there.

I know you lot think that one day I might possibly show a teeny bit of PC-behaviour and not be so pro animal welfare but you'll have to wait for another day.

I honestly think I'd have slapped them. And then given them that rocket as I threw them out.

What was I saying on MN only yesterday about human cruelty never failing to surprise me??

Original poster
BoojaB · 02/09/2010 21:39

The problem with these people (and we only vaguely know them) is that the little boy is through the door and into the house before we even realise who it is!

Recently they turned up just as I was cleaning out the rabbits, but that didn't stop them sitting themselves down, so I felt obliged to make a cuppa.

You're all right, I need to lay down the law.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns, yeah, some people seem to take a break from childcare when they're in other people's houses, don't they? It was (for some reason) completely my job to keep an eye on the little boy today, including drying him off and giving him a new pair of DD's trousers after he kicked over the dog's bowl (after I loudly, well within his dad's earshot, asked him to leave the dog's bowls alone). The dad didn't even notice any of this, let alone say "Thanks."

Rollacoasta, I have a sixteen year old step-son who lives with us, and his friends are ridiculously quiet and polite. Think it's a case of the "Yes, Mrs. Pattersons" :)

OP posts:
Original poster
BoojaB · 02/09/2010 21:42

Vallhala, the same dad previously questioned my League Against Cruel Sports car sticker. He's clueless about animal welfare.

OP posts:
Original poster
BoojaB · 02/09/2010 21:43

Vallhala, I'm also a broken record on animal welfare/rights issues, so you're not alone! :)

OP posts:
BabyDubsEverywhere · 02/09/2010 21:44

I did actually chuck my MIL and her snot nosed brat out of my house once for taunting my cat, my words were along the lines of 'you better get that little shit out of my house before i knock her through the wall' ......said with a smile of course Grin

Original poster
BoojaB · 02/09/2010 21:46

BabyDubsEverywhere, I like it!

I think the problem is that I moved her a month before DD was born, so I don't really know anyone locally very well. This is why I'm still at the polite, grit my teeth stage. Well, no more!

OP posts:
ledkr · 02/09/2010 21:48

I had mate who stayed a lot cos both single parents for company. in morn she used to let her young child all over the stairs yelling waking me dd and ds who was at college all week. Would then give her toast and allow her to walk all over house eating it and a bottle which she dripped all over carpet. would then go home and text me what a lovely relaxing Sunday she was having while I was picking toast out of the toy box!
Put a stop to it in the end!

superv1xen · 02/09/2010 21:51

omg i could have written that post, i hate it when people come round and disrespect my house Angry well more specifically let their un housetrained little shits brats disrespect it.

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