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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wish people would be cleaner and politer in my house!

45 replies

BoojaB · 02/09/2010 21:08

OK, in the big scheme of things, this is completely insignificant, but it's bugging me!

DD is 2 years, 3 months. We often have her friends (with parent/s) over to play. It seems that they have a total disregard for my house though!

For example, someone rolled up unannounced at 9am today, allowed his three year old son to walk all over toys in his shoes, and let him climb all over and jump up and down on my (new) sofas in his shoes. When DP asked the boy not to put his shoes on the sofas, his dad took them off and put them (dirty soles down) on the coffee table. He's the third parentto do this (outdoor shoes on coffee table) in my house.

As well as children and parents taunting my dog and cats (well, I can think of three examples - today's son and dad thought it was fun to pull my cat's tail and called her "tempremental" when she cried! - I wasn't pleased when I saw what was going on!), it also seems that children are better behaved with their own toys in their own homes. For example (and there are many!) a friend is very house proud, but when she visited with her two and eight year olds, they broke one toy, kicked a jigsaw off a table, and had their feet up (sweaty socks, not shoes this time) on the coffee table.

It leads me to think that our house might look shoddy as people seem to abuse the furniture, but it's all fairly new and decent-ish quality in the living room, so I'm not sure about that. I also clean the downstairs rooms daily, so I don't think that it looks too bad.

I just wish that parents wouldn't forget they're parents in my house! If I say "Sam, please don't go in that room and kick the dog's bowl over" - I expect the parent to listen and act on it (this happened today!)

I'm not uptight at all and love having friends over. In fact, a couple of friends recently commented that they know they're always welcome at mine and that there's always a brew on and a meal in progress, so I'm not a houseproud prissy person.

Anyway, enough babbling! Am I being unreasonable?? :)

OP posts:

moondog · 02/09/2010 21:53

I still keep a gate at top of stairs so that when kids come over, thty don't go upstairs.

superv1xen · 02/09/2010 21:53

oh and i hate that as well when you give kids food / drinks and they wander around the house eating it!! aaarggh

Original poster

BoojaB · 02/09/2010 21:57

I hate the food everywhere habit that people seem to allow their children to have in my house too!

Yesterday, a friend came over with her daughters. One had a cold and I'm (and my dog are) still finding the snotty tissues in odd places now. I know it's not the little girl's fault, but I really thought their her mum could've kept a closer eye on it. It was a case of - your house, your problem I think.

OP posts:

Original poster

BoojaB · 02/09/2010 21:58

moondog, I also keep a stairgate closed at the top. It means that the animals can escape when it all gets too much with toddlers in the house!

OP posts:

superv1xen · 02/09/2010 22:01

glad its not just me booja ...i have always instilled in DS from an early age that food is to be eaten while sat still, as are drinks. and DD is only a baby still but i will be the same with her. its just horribly bad manners and not only messy, it looks awful as well (ie if you're in a restaurant or something and kids are up and wandering about)

Original poster

BoojaB · 02/09/2010 22:05

I'm with you, superv1xen! It's just laziness on the parents' part.

OP posts:

Jux · 02/09/2010 22:10

Kids messing with our pets are told off smartish. I didn't want dd to learn those habits and spent a great deal of effort teaching her to be gentle and kind to animals.

I have no compunction in snapping at any child to leave the cat alone if they're doing something like that, parent present or not.

goodmanners · 02/09/2010 22:13

tell them to sort out there manners or get the fook out.

Original poster

BoojaB · 02/09/2010 22:36

Thanks again everyone. Not a single full-on YABU...so far!

Well, I'm ready for the next rude visitor. Lay down the law, with humour and direction!

Thank you! :)

OP posts:

pluperfect · 02/09/2010 22:41

Of course YANBU! It's very sad that you feared you might be!

TBJP · 03/09/2010 00:54

I don't expect this to go down well, but here's my view.

You have a cat and a dog in your home. They lick their bums, then lick their fur, then wipe their fur on your floors/sofas/walls everywhere, or plain just sit with their pooey bums directly on your floor - poo bits SURELY must get trampled all around - minute, possibly, and not visible, but they are there. Vacuuming isn't going to get rid of it. What is dirtier outside that people bring in on their shoes than what you already allow in your home in the form of your pets?

Maybe the guests don't want to take their shoes off in your house as they don't want to get pet scuz on their socks/bare feet?

TonariNoTotoro · 03/09/2010 01:05

Shoes off when people come into your house. Will set the standard.

Original poster

BoojaB · 03/09/2010 07:31

TBJP, I understand what you mean, but I keep the house very clean. I have to as I'm alllergic to one of the cats (I have two)and the dog! I'm a bit of a hygeine freak, embarrassingly.

One of the people who put their child's shoes on the coffee table has a cat. Another person who always allows their children to run on everything with their shoes on has two cats.

It also doesn't explain why it's ok to jump up and down on the sofas etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

BoojaB · 03/09/2010 07:33

It also doesn't explain why they want to pull on the cat's tail!

OP posts:

QS · 03/09/2010 07:38

Gosh Booja, your neighbourhood must thank their lucky stars that a new free indoor playcentre, with free coffee and tea has opened!!

You need to put a stop to this, what rude feckers your new friends are! Maybe you can try do the same? Turn up at 9 am and let your children lose in the house of the host.

Goblinchild · 03/09/2010 07:47

'Wait till your kids are 17and bring their mates round......'

I've had a houseful of teenagers on a regular basis for years. Visitors keep to the houser
rules, they even wash up after mass cooking sessions.
I think anyone who mistreated any of our animals would be unlikely to survive the experience if DS was within grabbing and dismembering distance.

YABU to tolerate such unacceptable behaviour from acquaintances.

gorionine · 03/09/2010 07:56

YANBU

I cannot say I am especially house proud, with 4 Dcs there is only so much I can do but the "no shoes in te house" rule is non negiciable and if the parents are there with their children I expect them to tell something if things go bad like "darling don't jump on Gori's sofa" or "do not help yourself with food from the kitchen, ask first!"

Ther is ABSOLUTELY no excuse I can possibly think of for someone to put their shoes on you table, the fact that you have pets does not give your neighbours the go ahead to do whatever they want!

BuntyPenfold · 03/09/2010 10:22

wait until they are teens and you are shouting 'GO HOME' to inert rows of sleeping bags.

TBJP · 03/09/2010 13:52

Thanks for taking my comments in the spirit in which they were meant - genuinely trying to explain why some people might not view your home flooring as any different to outside, as you have pets. There's not just the poo-crumb bums that gross me out though, but your pets don't wear shoes when they go out, yet you allow them back in your house, yes? As such, to me, anyway, there is no difference in humans wearing their shoes inside either.

I also don't think you can have as hygienic a home as you would like, no matter how much vacuuming you do, IF you have pets. The two are mutually exclusive, imo.

Shoes on the table, or pulling pets' tails - plain rude, and I wasn't offering excuses for that bad behaviour!

Chatelaine · 04/09/2010 11:43

I really sympathise with the OP. It's the little negative things that have an accumulative effect on how you are able to "enjoy" your visitors. For your own peace of mind tackle these irritations and you will be set free! Before the little blighter boy has a chance to run past you into your home, block his way, get down on his level for a hug, admire his coat, shoes whatever and say that you will help him off with them and point to the space where you would like them put. Always. It's this type of thing that slows people down, giving them time to respond to what you want. In psychology terms it's called "commanding the script." It takes practice, but if you set expectations and are consistent, they are more often than not met.

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