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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Having friends to stay - whay can't they just go home?

62 replies

PfftTheMagicDragon · 02/09/2010 21:06

Dh has friends from university (graduated 10 years ago). We all get on well, I like them all, but we are not best friends - we never chat on the phone but try to see each other a few times a year.

Everyone is spread out all over the country so visiting can be tricky. Generally if someone has come to visit by themselves then they have stayed over - they always turn up at about 5pm so not much other option tbh but we have always been happy to do this.

But how long does it go on for? A couple of friends (engaged) are looking to visit, DH has asked them if they would like to come and stay over. They live an hour and a half away. I say - why don't we do something in the day, go out, have dinner, chat, then they can go home. OR - we can go to them, and then come home and just sleep in our own houses, not all over the shop in fucking sleeping bags like students. DH says that they live too far to expect them to go home again. I say if we meet at a decent time then there will be no need to stay over - if I wanted to spend days at a time with another family I would go on holiday with them or something.

DH's family always had people to stay growing up, it was normal for friends of the family to come and stay for a week at a time. His SIL and family still regularly go back to the parental home to stay for a fortnight. In my family, we were more of a little and often family, see each other in the day and go home again.

Do you visit people regularly? DO you stay over? DO you relish moving the children from room to room, getting spare duvets out and washing endless sheets just so people can disappear after breakfast?

It is nice to see people but AIBU to think we could just do it in the day?

OP posts:

Treetrunkthighs · 02/09/2010 21:07

I love having friends and family to stay and love going to stay with them

StealthPolarBear · 02/09/2010 21:08

no I hate staying over or having peopke to stay
90 mins really isn't far - they could be with you for breakfast at 9.30 and leave at 8 - over 10 hours of togetherness!

Itsjustafleshwound · 02/09/2010 21:09

It just precludes someone from having a drink and having to keep an eye on times to leave

thumbwitch · 02/09/2010 21:11

I visited a friend who lives half an hour away with my 2.9yo DS. We were invited to stay over for the night and happily did so, as this allowed my friend and I some decent "down time" to chat while the DC were in bed. Perfectly reasonable IMO.

fluffles · 02/09/2010 21:11

i like having people to stay - it means everyone can relax in the evening and have a glass of wine rather than the designated driver clock watching as they don't want to get too tired to drive home.

withorwithoutyou · 02/09/2010 21:11

Love having friends to stay.

Family, not so much.

compo · 02/09/2010 21:12

I totally agree with you
dh likes to have his uni mates to stay
I hate it
they stay up til 2am and lie in til ten while I'm knackered and trying to keep the kids quiet
it's a pita

onepieceoflollipop · 02/09/2010 21:14

If it's only a couple and you and/or your dh like them then I think that you are being a bit U.

If you really hate the idea of extra laundry, and they are laid back I guess you could ask them to bring their own towels or pillows or whatever, but this may seem slightly inhospitable.

Look on the positive side, you could have a drink and a laugh once the dcs have gone to bed, then a leisurely breakfast. Ask them to cook it

ledkr · 02/09/2010 21:17

hate it! Brought up big family of 3 ds then had dd just as they were leaving home...Hoorah! Think that's why I so love my peace and quiet. love visits but not sleepovers of any kind. Faffing about changing beds cleaning and having people crapping in my toilet. no thanks!

pluperfect · 02/09/2010 21:17

Well, it depends on what sort of house you have. Maybe DH had a bigger house, growing up? It could be the old being-middle-class-isn't-what-it-used-to-be question: you live in a smaller place bt he hasn't got used to it! Otherwise, it could be another sign of the times: that working hours are longer these days and weekends more precious. Ask him about these things, to see whether he simply has to realise what's what these days.

KarmaAngel · 02/09/2010 21:19

It depends on who and how often TBH. We have no friends atm so are happily guest free. But pre-kids we had people to stay often.

PYT · 02/09/2010 21:20

I haven't read your post - sorry! - but the title had me howling with laughter. i feel the same whenever friends come to stay for more than a night

TheFallenMadonna · 02/09/2010 21:22

I like having old friends to stay, because you can put the children to bed, and then gat all reminiscent over a bottle of wine. We didn't have children when we first knew each other, and I rather like a bit of child-free time with them now (lovely though their children are).

Snobear4000 · 02/09/2010 21:22

What fluffles said.

What withorwithoutyou said.

People staying is fun. You don't have to be all over the shop in sleeping bags like students. Grown-ups have spare rooms. Right?

Lauriefairycake · 02/09/2010 21:23

Am I just a pisshead - how can you have a couple of glasses of lubrication and then drive home

DH doesn't drink so we do invariably drive but he used to and we used to stay over at mates only half an hour away.

LetThereBeRock · 02/09/2010 21:23

YANBU.

I hate staying over with people,and I hate having people,other than immediate family,to stay over.

Hulababy · 02/09/2010 21:24

I, like some others, enjoy it when the chidren go to bed and we can all have a drink, and noone has to worry abut driving home.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 02/09/2010 21:24

yanbu,

i live 2hrs away from family and have travelled to just have lunch with my mum on mothersday, and they travel to see me. we go for the day once a week, its less hassle than stopping over.

saying that i love having people over. but anyone who caused any disruption to the dcs would be told to leave, no moving of rooms around at mine, there is a sofa downstairs.

but 1 and a half hours is nothing, really.

verytellytubby · 02/09/2010 21:26

I love having friends to stay (and at their's). The kids find it fine. We can relax with a few glasses bottles of wine.

verytellytubby · 02/09/2010 21:27

fine - should be fun

Original poster

PfftTheMagicDragon · 02/09/2010 21:27

pluperfect - YES! DH's family have rambling house with bedrooms galore. We have to stick people in the toilet (kind of)

compo and withotwithoutyou

I like the idea in theory of people coming - staying up late drinking, relaxing. But we are all boring old farts - we go to bed at 11 at the latest and when friends come we tend to chat, watch some tv, have a couple and go to bed. Dh's friends are not massive drinkers, none of us are partiers.

STEALTH - see, that's what I said - we coulddo something in the day, have lunch, I would cook and evening meal, we could drink in the garden (they would get the train) and then they could fuck off and leave me alone

OP posts:

Katisha · 02/09/2010 21:29

I can't bear the mornings - I don't function before 11am and having to politely enquire what people want for breakfast is just too much.
Could never run a B&B...

Original poster

PfftTheMagicDragon · 02/09/2010 21:29

JJ - I also happily travel to see people and come home again. I find things are more harmonious when you don't have to stay over with someone. Little and often.

OP posts:

dylsmum1998 · 02/09/2010 21:30

I love having people to stay over, no shuffling of dc in my house though- I tend to put people on airbeds in my room.

I love going to stay at others houses too. So nice too chill an dnot worry about the drive home whilst tired. That said the only people I regularly stay with is my middle sis and her husband and they live nearly 300 miles away so if we didn't stay over we wouldn't be able to visit

PavlovtheCat · 02/09/2010 21:32

i love having friends to stay, not often, but from time to time. I like being able to go to bed when i or they want without being rude, where if they are going to leave that night, i sort of feel i have to stay up til the wee hours when they chose to leave, or they leave early as they know i am tired (if working or had a bad night with dcs). I love waking up in the morning and having coffee and brekky. Usually they come at the weekend so have a lazy morning with them, and if they have children, our kids play some more, before they go, either late morning, or maybe we will all go out to lunch first.

I can't do it often, as I said, but when I do, i love it. And some of our friends stay over like this once in a while and they live 30 mins drive away.

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