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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect people to give me a seat on the train

35 replies

lurcherlover · 02/09/2010 17:38

Or is this something that doesn't happen in the modern age? I'm 33 weeks pg with a huge bump now, and get a lot of trains - and I've only been offered a seat once. All the other times when the train has been full I've been standing up, usually with my bump practically pressed against someone's head, and no-one around me has offered me a seat. Plenty people stare at the bump (thanks!) but no-one ever offers. I've now started trying to get off-peak trains as often as I can so that I get a seat, but there are times when you can't avoid travelling at peak time, and it really annoys me. But AIBU to expect people to give me a seat these days, or does the modern pregnant woman suck it up and stand like everyone else?!

OP posts:

TrillianAstra · 02/09/2010 17:41

Ask them.

I'm sure they'll give up their seat if you say 'excuse me, would you mind letting me sit down, I am pregnant' or similar.

Animation · 02/09/2010 17:42

Bless your heart, no YANBU.

OnlyWantsOne · 02/09/2010 17:43

YANBU.... I would ask... however, I dont think I would be polite :) Probably some thing like "oooh that seat looks comfy, is it?"

monniemae · 02/09/2010 17:44

I think you should ask the people in "priority seats". Often, most people haven't noticed you're pregnant. I never notice in rush hour while my head's buried in a paper. Plus you don't know why that person who looked hasn't offered - they may be equally deserving of a seat themselves. Though a 33wk bump definitely warrants a seat!

pjmama · 02/09/2010 17:45

It's a sad state of affairs but many people are probably scared to offer in case they cause offence by implying that the pg lady isn't capable of standing on her own two feet!

I'm with Trillian, just ask and I'm sure you'd get plenty of offers. Or alternatively just start crying loudly and you'll clear a space in no time!

BellaEmbergsLovechild · 02/09/2010 17:46

YANBU - but dh twice offered train seats to pregnant women - first time, she wasn't pregnant , second time, the woman shouted at him saying "I'm pregnant, not fucking disabled" He's too scared to ask again, but now if he sees someone who looks more in need of a seat than he is, he sort of looks at them, and tries to indicate without speaking IYSWIM!

Just ask!

LadyBiscuit · 02/09/2010 17:47

I would always target the priority seat and ask the person sitting in that. I had a 100% success rate. I only had one occasion where someone offered me a seat and I worked until 37 weeks (and had polyhydramnios and was HUGE).

I've offered pg women my seat before and they've always said no!

myredcardigan · 02/09/2010 17:48

YANBU but people are just selfish by nature. I was on the train last week when a couple got on. The girl sat next to me and the guy asked the woman opposite me if she could move her bag so he could sit down. She looked at him as if he'd asked her to do something awful and then just ignored him!

I was gobsmacked but the guy just put her bag on the floor which she snatched with fury swearing in the process.

Original poster

lurcherlover · 02/09/2010 17:50

I haven't asked as I feel rude (how stupid/pathetic is that?!) but you're right - next time, I will ask. I just feel a bit peeved that I need to ask - people should just do this as basic courtesy, surely? What really annoys me is middle-aged women who don't offer - I kinda expect it from ignorant teenage boys who don't know any better, but a lot of these women must have been pregnant themselves and surely know how it feels to have a bump the size of a beachball. And they just sit there staring at me! Not exactly sisterly!

OP posts:

FranSanDisco · 02/09/2010 17:50

YANBU, but I always used to decline a seat as had been seated all day. I think I accepted once or twice. I wonder if I put the people off offering again - I was polite and smiley though explaining I was fine as had sat all day long.

SeaTrek · 02/09/2010 17:52

Most people are pretty ignorant on the train in my experience. Although I had a delightful journey (on a packed peak time train) with my young son a few weeks back, when several people were just lovely and there seemed to be a good 'atmosphere' - it quite shocked me!

I guess a lot of people wouldn't assume that you need a seat more than anyone else because you are 33 wks pg though. I don't think I did then (I was teaching/on my feet all day at that time). I was more in need of a seat several weeks back when standing seemed to bring on sciatia for some reason (not pg).

I would like to think that I would offer an obviously pg woman a seat though, as she is more likely to be suffering from backache/tiredness/hip pain etc. There will be a lot of less obvious peeople on the train in need of a seat though - business man recovering from a badly sprained ankle etc/non pg person with backpain.

It is best to ask really (although I doubt I would unless desperate) and explain why you need it (not just that you a pg!).

beanlet · 02/09/2010 17:53

Are you talking about trains or the tube? If trains, most train operators permit you to take a seat in first class if there are no seats in second. If I were you, I'd just get into first class and risk the unlikely possibility that someone might have made room for you in second. Well worth knowing!

cornonthecob · 02/09/2010 17:55

YANBU, i agree with monniemae, some people simply just don't notice, my first pregnancy i expected people to see my bump and give up their seats and when they didn't i stood and sulked! 2nd pregnancy i was shattered and had no hesitation asking for a seat until i got one!!

life generally now, i'm in the "if you don't ask you don't get camp"!... lol

good luck!

Original poster

lurcherlover · 02/09/2010 17:56

No, I'm just talking regular trains (I live in Manchester!). I'm a teacher and do spend a lot of time on my feet, so it's not that I need to sit down particularly - it's more that I worry about falling over if the train lurches suddenly. You've all made me resolve to ask someone next time though!!

OP posts:

jumpingjackhash · 02/09/2010 17:56

It's crappy that noone gave you a seat automatically, but you should just ask in future.

FWIW, I've seen too many people get it wrong and offer their seat to someone just a bit plump, which is embasassing and insulting if taken the wrong way, so they're probably worried they'll offend!

Anyone who says no to a polite request will be considered a twat by most other passengers.

Ishouldprobablywax · 02/09/2010 17:58

It's a bit rude to of them but yabu- if you're well enough to hop on trains for work/shopping/errands etc I'm sure you'll be ok

Mammie81 · 02/09/2010 18:01

I would never ask. Who knows if the person you are asking doesnt have cancer or their own disability. Although once, on the victoria line, i saw a blind man struggling to stand and no one made a move for two long stops. I gave him my seat and you could see everyone act like they hadnt noticed him. He had a white stick for gods sake. Its a disgrace it was left to a pregnant woman to offer her seat... I have to say that because of cases like that, I feel worse for the disabled who have to stand than i do for pregnant women.

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 02/09/2010 18:02

It is, as OP says, often a balance issue, though. By the time I was heavily pregnant I would definitely lose balance if the bus or train lurched.

NewbeeMummy · 02/09/2010 18:07

Just ask, most people will happily give up their seat for you, and if they're in the priority seat and they refuse, just do what I did and sit on them. They soon get the message :)

hmc · 02/09/2010 18:11

No YANBU. What a shame that people have to be asked!

whatwhatinthewhatnow · 02/09/2010 18:11

I know many city workers who feel pregnancy is a lifestyle choice. And as such see you, and will not move. I've been raced to the last seat at kings cross and had the winner look gleefully at me afterwards!

hmc · 02/09/2010 18:11

Seriously - NewbeeMummy, you actually did that???? Respect! More details please

SmellyPirateHooker · 02/09/2010 18:11

YABU - you need to ask, most people aren't paying that much attention to the people around them. Personally, I am usually working, emailing on my Blackberry, sleeping or reading a book!

Address the whole carriage instead of just one person and ask if anyone would mind giving up a seat as you're heavily pregnant, that way you avoid the worry of asking someone who needs a set as much/more than you!

Mammie81 · 02/09/2010 18:15

I'll be honest, I know exactly where my tube doors open and i'm there, ready to go at the first hint of a seat. I get one most days but if not, a disappointed face coupled with a rub of the belly will do it!

BoneyBackJefferson · 02/09/2010 18:18

When I last took the train I had had a knee operation, was in a leg brace and on crutches, when a pregnant woman demanded that I give up the priority seat for her.

Was nice to see the look on her face when I stood up and was handed my crutches by the OAP by the side of me :D.

never assume anything

it makes an ass out of u and me.

by the way op

"ignorant teenage boys"

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