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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect people to give me a seat on the train

35 replies

lurcherlover · 02/09/2010 17:38

Or is this something that doesn't happen in the modern age? I'm 33 weeks pg with a huge bump now, and get a lot of trains - and I've only been offered a seat once. All the other times when the train has been full I've been standing up, usually with my bump practically pressed against someone's head, and no-one around me has offered me a seat. Plenty people stare at the bump (thanks!) but no-one ever offers. I've now started trying to get off-peak trains as often as I can so that I get a seat, but there are times when you can't avoid travelling at peak time, and it really annoys me. But AIBU to expect people to give me a seat these days, or does the modern pregnant woman suck it up and stand like everyone else?!

OP posts:
muddleduck · 02/09/2010 18:20

which train company?

many have a pass that allows pregnant ladies to sit in first class when the train is full.

plantsitter · 02/09/2010 18:20

This pregnancy I have been asking, and people are OK about it.

A lady came up to me and said 'are you all right? I think it's a disgrace after a particularly squished, standing tube journey. Felt a bit bad because her niceness made me cry!

Nancy66 · 02/09/2010 18:22

this always really staggers me because I was ALWAYS offered a seat instantly and every time I've ever seen a PG woman on the tube she's been offered a seat very quickly....

musicmadness · 02/09/2010 20:25

Just ask. I know if I see someone who is obviously pregnant then I will offer but sometimes it is difficult to tell if someone is pregnant or just fat Blush. I don't mean any offence by that but if i'm not sure I won't offer as if I was wrong both me and the other person would be mortified I think. Also, if I have headphones on I might not even notice, a lot of people go into their own little world on public transport, including me.
I would happily give up my seat to anyone who asked me politely (who had a good reason for needing the seat!). Onlywantsone, if someone asked me like that, would probably just say yes and smile at them! It would get my back up and I seriously doubt I would be willing to give up the seat and put myself in discomfort for someone who couldn't even ask politely.

Marjee · 02/09/2010 20:43

Yanbu, I was never offered a seat when I was pg and was always too embarrassed to ask. I actually got off the bus and walked home once as it was so packed people were knocking into my bump (I was about 34 weeks) Sad. Next time I'll just ask loudly, I think most people would give up their seat out of embarrassment but its sad that noone offers these days

minipie · 02/09/2010 20:51

YANBU

but you should not be embarrassed to ask. Just ask! bet noone turns you down (unless their need truly is greater than yours).

many people don't look up from their paper, or might be too scared to offer in case you are fat not pregnant.

In the words of jimmy carr "it's better to see a pregnant lady stand than a fat lady cry"

elportodelgato · 02/09/2010 20:55

you should ask!
I am trying very hard to ask people politely rather than shouting 'which of you fuckers is standing up for the pregnant lady??!' at the entire carriage which is what I feel like doing most mornings (hormonal much?!)

MrsSnaplegs · 02/09/2010 21:10

I have a 4 hour commute weekly from work to home - not a choice but currently a situation forced on me by work. Part of that is on the train and tube. I have been offered a seat a couple of times in past 3 months but resorted to applying to TFL for one of their baby on board badges - this only works if actually pinned to my bump as no one now looks higher than a quick glance from their ipod/iphone/blackberry on the tube! I have also started asking politely - although sometimes my voice is a bit louder than it should be (embarrasement at having to ask I think)
Last week I politely asked a man to move his legs so I could squeeze past to get to a seat (legs sprawled all ove aisle) - he said (in a very sarcastic voice) Oh why don't I just move for you - I just replied well it may be easier as I am 6 months pregnant - at which point he bothered to look up beyond my shoes and then looked very embarrrassed! I think in most cases people just don't realise - and yes I do look very obviously pg not fat!!

Tokyotwist · 02/09/2010 21:27

Ok I am probably alone here, and I have to admit I haven't always felt this way, but why do pregnant women feel they are entitled to the seat.

The person you are asking to get up may look fine, but have any number of things wrong which make it uncomfortable/difficult for them to stand.

I have a friend who outwardly looks fine, but is far more in need of a seat than I ever was when I was pregnant, and in the later stages I didn't have an easy pregnancy.

I think if someone offers you the seat then yes you should take it, but unlesss you are in danger of hurting yourself or your baby by standing, then you should not ask.

ledkr · 02/09/2010 21:30

In Spain I stood for girl with twins one with cerebal palsy. I am only 4. 5 months but look more cos no 5 men stayed sat and also 2 and 3 yr olds with own seats!

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