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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in letting my 3 year old dd choose her own clothes?

36 replies

carriedababi · 01/09/2010 16:42

azs everytime i get some thing its yukky!

so ive let her pick a few bits off boden and next website and there been no tantrums about not wanting to wear what ive bought as shes picked it.

however is this spoiling her too much?

she now thinks she has a free regin over the boden catalogue
and her wardrode is getting pinker by the day and giving me a headache!

OP posts:
Dominique07 · 01/09/2010 16:44

Nope. So long as you teach her the value of money too.

Original poster
carriedababi · 01/09/2010 16:45

oh god, how do i do that

OP posts:
LackingInspiration · 01/09/2010 16:46

yanbu

azazello · 01/09/2010 16:46

Will she choose things from her drawer? You get to buy them but she chooses on a day to day basis? My DD is also 3 and seems to enjoy this.

ShinyAndNew · 01/09/2010 16:47

Not UR, but maybe you should read this, just to let you know how your 3yo will be when she is 6.

All of that was just because Tesco had sold out of blouses in her size and her Dad wanted her to wear shirts. Oh, the cruelty.

LackingInspiration · 01/09/2010 16:47

yabu to buy her stuff from boden though!

You could always ask her to choose ten things and you'll choose three from her list IYSWIM. Then you get a bit more opportunity to censor things!

LIZS · 01/09/2010 16:48

Limit what she can choose to buy maybe the odd tshirt or socks. Then she can wear whatever from her wardrobe, again offer her a choice of one or two items. Does it really matter if she thinks it yukky ?

deemented · 01/09/2010 16:50

I thought by choice you meant either 'Green t-shirt or blue one'? Not actually choose the clothes you buy for her.

What happens as she get older and wants everything? Are you going to be able to keep up with that? And what about when she wants something you don't like?

TBH it's not something i would do at all. I buy my childrens clothes and they get to chose what they would like to wear. My DS is nearly six and we're going clothes shopping later in the week. I might let him have a choice of a few tops that i'd chose for him, iyswim, but i wouldn't give him free reign at all.

YABU.

Original poster
carriedababi · 01/09/2010 16:53

oh god, do i dare read the link, i dread to think what she will be like when shes 6!

i used to get away with, do you want this outfit or this, now she knows theres more stuff in the wardrobe!

i don't know why shes bothered about what shes wearing, im sure i didnt care till about age 11 or later...

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 01/09/2010 16:53

I've always done this with DS in the main, I may pick up the odd extra and throw in some essentials but I let him choose his own clothes. Its nice to see his sense of style and he's now 7 and we've had no issues.

Original poster
carriedababi · 01/09/2010 16:55

well she certainly has her own sense of style and knows her own mind...

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 01/09/2010 16:57

I let DS pick things in clothes shops at that age - I think its fine if you let her pick so long as you keep control. eg if DS could do with 2 new t-shirts, I'd have let him pick 2 new t-shirts. I wouldn't have let him demand a new coat, or 10 t-shirts because he couldn't choose between them, for example. Or anything I really disliked.

redskyatnight · 01/09/2010 16:57

I've always let my children pick what they want. But within boundaries (of price and taste). tbh I'm more surprised by parents I know (of 6/7 year olds) who not only buy all their own children's clothes but lay out the outfit for them to wear each day.

Original poster
carriedababi · 01/09/2010 17:00

yes i keep control, i wouldn't let her pick loads of things only things she needs.

for eg, i'd say right you need a new dress do you like any of these, show her a few and see what see picks.
most of the stuff she picks is pretty nice, althogh so so pink, probably a phase though.
she'll probably hate pink when shes older and want spiders and skulls...

OP posts:
Fayrazzled · 01/09/2010 17:06

I pretty much do let my (almost) 3 year old choose what she wants me to buy for her to wear. I'm sure people will think I'm a soft touch and she's spoilt, but TBH, I've wasted too much money in the past on things she just won't wear. Yes, I could make the mornings hellish by insisting (and wrestling) her into a garment of my choice but I don't want to live like that.

I wouldn't buy her something I hated although her 'look' is not the one I'd choose for her, IYSWIM. She's a total tomboy and is only interested in jeans/trousers and t-shirts. There are dresses, blouses and skirts in her wardrobe I'll end up passing on without her wearing them- I'm not doing that again.

So, no, I wouldn't giver her free reign to dictate the amount of clothes I buy from the Boden catalogue, but I will ask her to choose say 3 t-shirts and 3 trousers and I'll get those.

DilysPrice · 01/09/2010 17:20

You should be safe in Boden, as they have a consistent look, but I wouldn't trust Next not to have a sparkly abomination saying "Mommies' little Princess" (or whatever makes you cringe) and she will then inevitably pick it.

Gipfeli · 01/09/2010 17:20

My 4yr old DD is the same as Fayrazzled's DD. She would much rather wear her brother's outgrown, faded and holey things. She gets to choose her own clothes otherwise she would never wear them and I'm not wasting more money on clothes that are never worn. Nor can I face arguing with her in the morning to wear something in particular. She and I have plenty of other things to argue over Smile

But although she choses her clothes, it's ultimately my choice as to whether an item is necessary or not, or whether it's too expensive or whatever. Just because she likes it, doesn't mean I buy it.

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 01/09/2010 17:30

I dunno, I have a 6yo and I do buy and lay out all of his clothes, occasionally I might ask 'this tee shirt ot this one?' or 'is there anything you would particually like to wear today?' if we are going somewhere special.

My 2.5yo dd just get what she is given, mostly ds's old clothes.

I feel surprised by a pre-teen refusing to wear something.

mumbar · 01/09/2010 17:39

YANBU as you are keeping a reign on what she has.

DS (just 6) will be given the choice - these trousers or those etc but if he goes over to 'cartooned' ones that are twice the price I will say no and point out that he can have 2 pairs of the others for the same price.

I have always done this and altho I doubt at 3 he understood he does now get it and as I've been consistant he doesn't argue.

Children, as adults have specific tastes and more importantly comfort levels. DS only likes loose fitted waists on clothes (so do I) and would prefer the all soft waisted trosers from ASDA. If I want him to have a different type I will talk to him about it, and compromise with the 1/ elasticated adjustable waist. That way he has what I want him too but he doesn't feel railroaded into it iyswim.

ChippingIn · 01/09/2010 17:47

I think it's great when you can just give them clothes to get dressed in and they do it - long may it last!

However, some kids have preferences very early on and really, if they hate wearing it, what's the point in buying it?

As long as you maintain control over the process - only buy what they need and allow them to choose but say 'No, I'm not buying that' if it's inappropriate or you really don't like it or they don't need another green t-shirt.

Same with getting dressed - you set the rules, they get to choose within those and sometimes they don't get to choose at all and have to wear what they are told.

There's a difference between allowing them choice and allowing them to rule the roost!!

The3Bears · 01/09/2010 17:49

I let my DS choose to an extent i ask if he likes such a thing or which one he prefers.
But i also let him browse through boden and next and he says what he likes there nothing wrong with it imo :)

SocialButterfly · 01/09/2010 18:19

I have a 3 yr old dd and a 6 yr old dd, they both have a very particular sense of style, they both pick all their clothes, sometimes I buy them and sometimes they have to wait. I think if you are going clothes shopping then let her pick but dont buy every time she demands something. Im proud that my dd's like to express their personalities with their clothes and love the fact they are individuals.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 01/09/2010 18:28

I don't think there's too much wrong with letting her have some say in choosing her clothes, as long as she also learns that sometimes she has to wear something that she may not like - like school uniform, or a dress for a party/wedding.

I would suggest that you broaden her choice of shops - include some of the less expensive retailers, so that you don't end up with a daughter who is costing you a fortune in expensive clothing stores.

oneofthosedays · 01/09/2010 18:32

My 3yo DS gets all his laid out for him, he really couldn't give a stuff what he wears. He does, however, like to pick what shoes to wear, he has a few pairs atm due to birthday, sales, ebay and stuff bought in jan sales!

DD is 6.5yo and if I'm shopping for clothes for her online i.e boden or next usually I'll call her over and see what she thinks of what I have picked out. I usually lay her clothes out the night before (when not at school) and she may express an interest in wearing a skirt or dress the next day or may choose a top she likes so we kind of do it together.

tillywee · 01/09/2010 20:49

Yanbu....my DD is 5 and has started being picky about her clothes.

I let her choose a few things from next catalogue today

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