Which fucker has Chocolate cake at bedtime??

[SpareRoomSleeper]

Ive been having alot of trouble with DD (17 months) at bedtime, involving alot of screaming and tension in the house at this time. As I do the bedtime routine with DD, the tension is all mine. Of course.

Now I WAS somewhat pissed at DH anyway, because I do believe he has played a part in ruining DD's bedtime routine - she used to be a great sleeper, and he got her into the habit of sleeping in our bed; sometimes if he got up for her during the night and staying in her room soothing her back to sleep, he'd bring her to our bed etc. Slowly, and admittedly, with me also slacking on bedtime routine, its got to a repeat of world war 3 every evening.

Last night during my tense cycle of soothing and running up and down to DD, I told him that it is HIM that gives her shitty desserts or biscuits late in the evening and it makes her hyper, to which he protested indignantly and loudly, declaring that I was making false accusations and everything was always his fault. Then he sulked for a while, and I felt like a right old cow.

So cue today, 1 minute before bedtime: DH, the fucker, cuts himself a large slice of chocolate cake, (with a cup of tea), and places it on the coffee table. When DD sees this, I hear her squeal of delight in the next room, where I am busy trying to work out how to put up the new blackout curtains for her bedroom.
When I charge into the room, he quickly says "shes only having a bit."

DD was torn away from that cake with much screaming and swearing (me doing the latter).

You sound stressed, take a step back, a few deep breathes and try not to get so antsy over minor hiccups.

Ban sugary snacks after mid afternoon. Nothing other than yoghurt or fruit after dinner.

DP does this sometimes - DS will be reluctantly eating his dinner, and DP will materialise just as he'd happily tucking in, munching crackers and cheese.

He works at home til about 6pm, so it's not like he's shirking his responsibilities, but I have told him that if he wanders in with snacks that DS will want, then he can deal with meal/bed time from that point onwards.

What Apocalypse said.

While you need to explain (again) to DH that the snacks make her hyper, I think you sound disproportionately pissed off with him.

Let HIM do the bedtime routine while you sit with tea and chocolate cake and put your feet up.

It has been proved that the link between snacks and kids getting hyper is unfounded. However, it's a physical fact that eating before bed is unhelpful as the body will not digest the food as efficiantly which could disturb her sleeping pattern - only could, mind - but will certainly not be good for her.

Says me, of course, an inveterate late night nibbler..

SpareRoomSleeper

You need to talk to him when you aren't in the middle of putting her to bed.

Get some rules in place

• No eating in front of DD after her dinner
• Nothing but milk (toast, banana etc if she has a snack as some people do, I don't)
• Bedtime routine, whatever it is, it has to be the same every night (I prefer kids dinner, bath, bed, 2 stories, lights out)
• Talk to her in the day, explain what bedtime is going to be like from now on, although she's probably not speaking much, she understands a whole lot more! Tell her what the routine is going to be and stick to it
• When you put her to bed, remind her it is sleep time - no crying & messing about!
• Go in if you have to, check she is ok, don't make eye contact and don't make a fuss of her
• Stick to the routine.

There will be some people along shortly to tell you that she is just a baby and you should cuddle her to sleep for the next 10 years etc which is fine if that's what you want to spend your evenings doing, frankly I'd rather the kids were getting the sleep they need!

Yes, I thought that too, Heracles.

I think it's more to do with you and DH letting her sleep in your bed. If we do that for one night, DD tends to wake up for the next couple of nights.

Cut DH some slack, a small piece of cake is not that serious, is it? Provided she brushes her teeth afterwards!

erm, I have chocolate cake at bedtime
I fed it to my dc as well, telling them firmly "chocolate makes you sleep really really well" My kids are gullible. And fast asleep, obviously.

Try to take a breather - can you get a 'night off' the bedtime routine here and there? You sound really stressed - is there something else worrying you atm? Or are you lacking sleep yourself? It sounds like you need a break.

Disproportionally annoyed, antsy over minor hiccups.... nope. You sound reasonably annoyed with your DH making bedtime difficult for you whilst he enjoys indulging his litte princess!!

Heracles is only half right. The sugary thing is a myth, but so is the eating late at night thing, or before bed. Your stomach acid and digestive system can't tell the time and you digest just as well when asleep as when awake.

I'm feeling very old right now, but what happened to the bedtime snack? A glass of milk and 2 digestives can't be any less fatty/sugary than a bit of cake.

Mind you, I'm also quite a fan of allowing child to stay awake if she wants (this is from years of nannying, which is similar but less angsty than being a mum.) They fall asleep on the sofa, bingo

Would it be madly radical to suggest DH takes her a bedtime snack - and her toothbrush - in bed??

Science might prove otherwise, but my DD goes crazy with sweet things. Especially just before bedtime.

A snack in her bed? I dont know about that... But she does have her toothbrush in her cot, as she seems to to have some strange kind of attachment to it.

And yes, I AM stressed! I am very very stressed.
And I dont know why.

Sorry, I know the 'link between sugar and hyper' is unfounded...

I also saw DS eat 4 smarties cakes and a fondant fancy just before bedtime last week (birthday party) and the resulting meltdown was pretty spectaculat.

That much sugar in one hit equals a pretty huge dip in blood sugar levels soon after and that's what causes the problem.

Christ - Iseegraceahead a snack in bed? daft idea if ever I heard one.
Sorry, but really..

Why daft? The old-fashioned thinking was that you can get quite hungry in 8 hours, even if you are asleep. Depends when she last ate, I suppose, but I don't see a snack in bed as the road to hell.

... I suggested DH giving her a snack in bed so she gets her fix of Daddy attention and, hopefully, goes to sleep comfy & happy. The old-fashioned snack was delivered at the kitchen table, after you'd got into your jammies and had a story. You probably reckon that's daft, too, though.

because eating in bed is disgusting, because it's an awful habit to get into, because a year after ditching bottles you don't want to be teaching your child that eating in the middle of the night is a normal thing to do.

A friend still feeds her 3yo in the middle of the night. daftness.

weetabix or similar before bed, yes. No snacks/milk overnight because THEY ARE NOT BABIES!!

sorry for the shouting, but ffs, problems are there because you enable them!

OP, are you stressed because you sleep in the spare room, or are you sleeping in the spare room because you're stressed?

Jareth - depends on whether you're aiming for control or contentment, imo. Not to say one route is better than the other; just different. Like that (much misused) saying; do you want to be right or do you want to be happy ...

I want to be happy, and being happy means having a happy child. A happy (almost 3yo) child is one that does not wake in the night for snacks that they don't need (in my case,
and in my opinion). If DS wakes in the night he's stroppy and liable to random tantrums. He didn't sleep through til 16mo. He didn't sleep past 4:30am til 16mo. At about 18mo when we could wear him out at the park and was eating properly he finally and blissfully slept til almost 7am.

Don't imply that I'm controlling.

I must have missed the part where OP's child was waking in the middle of the night for food. I got the impression that she'd spotted DH with cake in the kitchen and wanted some. There are amillion reasons why small children wake in the night - one of them is hunger. Even grown-ups wake up if they're hungry during the night.

Your post using words like 'disgusting' and 'awful' suggested a controlling approach. It's not unheard-of to feel exasperated after 3 years of childcaring. My attitude is that it's generally (not always) possible to handle small-child annoyances by listening to what the child's really saying. In this instance alone, it seems the little girl wants her Dad's indulgence and might perhaps be hungry. I'm not issuing judgement on the world at large.

Iseegraceahead..I sleep in the spare room because I am stressed or upset.

But sometimes, I am stressed BECAUSE I sleep in the spare room, or feel that I have to.

If you know what I mean.

Do you think DD wakes up in the night because she is hungry?

Oh God.

Ok, I think I went off at a tangent that might be unhelpful to SRS.

OP - maybe? We found giving DS a slightly later meal, and as much food as he wanted before bedtime helped with the sleeping through. (obv this only applies with toddlers/established eaters - not newbies weaners)

:) Jareth.
Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear about the spare room & the stress ... I haven't stalked you (yet, heh) but is it snoring or what? It's no good to be short of sleep - umm, as you know

Am going to bed, chocolate digestive & all! OP, I'm really sorry for asking a question and then buggering off. GET SOME SLEEP if you can! x