Which fucker has Chocolate cake at bedtime??

[SpareRoomSleeper]

Ive been having alot of trouble with DD (17 months) at bedtime, involving alot of screaming and tension in the house at this time. As I do the bedtime routine with DD, the tension is all mine. Of course.

Now I WAS somewhat pissed at DH anyway, because I do believe he has played a part in ruining DD's bedtime routine - she used to be a great sleeper, and he got her into the habit of sleeping in our bed; sometimes if he got up for her during the night and staying in her room soothing her back to sleep, he'd bring her to our bed etc. Slowly, and admittedly, with me also slacking on bedtime routine, its got to a repeat of world war 3 every evening.

Last night during my tense cycle of soothing and running up and down to DD, I told him that it is HIM that gives her shitty desserts or biscuits late in the evening and it makes her hyper, to which he protested indignantly and loudly, declaring that I was making false accusations and everything was always his fault. Then he sulked for a while, and I felt like a right old cow.

So cue today, 1 minute before bedtime: DH, the fucker, cuts himself a large slice of chocolate cake, (with a cup of tea), and places it on the coffee table. When DD sees this, I hear her squeal of delight in the next room, where I am busy trying to work out how to put up the new blackout curtains for her bedroom.
When I charge into the room, he quickly says "shes only having a bit."

DD was torn away from that cake with much screaming and swearing (me doing the latter).

ISee, I think your question is directed at the wrong person? SRS said she was in the spare room.

bit . I'd quite like an MN stalker

(Jareth - it wasn't directed at you, only your name & smiley were directed at you in recognition of your previous post, the rest was for SRS.)

SRS - if she's having dinner quite a while before bedtime then I would (as I said in my first post) incorporate a snack into the bedtime routine.

Can you and DH not take turns putting her to bed, maybe she wants to spend time with him reading a story?

Why not sleep in your bed, in your room? I think the occasional night in the 'spare room' to avoid a snorer or something is OK, but everynight isn't good for most couples.

my children have breakfast before teeth and bed, this started when they were quite wee, before 2 certainly, so the same principle as a glass of milk and a buscuit

OP, DH needs to cut the link he has made between food and affection with DD

i think you and you dp need to share the bedtime routine,
less stress,
less blaming.
wrong of him to help himself to cake, full stop.
he should share.
at least the two of you have cake once your dd in bed.

Oh poor Op I feel some people have missed the point of this.Wanting a piece of chocolate cake is not the same as being hungry as most of us know. Please do not worry she is hungry.

It sounds to me that you and your DH have not agreed on your parenting 'style' The things that seem to matter to you;your dd getting a good night sleep in her own bed, getting there with as little fuss as possible. Just don't seem to mean much to him(from what you say).

Anyway it seems like a frank discussion is in order so you 2 can come to some agreement.

HTH

"my children have breakfast before teeth and bed"

Sometimes I feel the whole world has had a meeting and I missed it. Breakfast before bed? Ha ha! Bonkers.

I would let him do bedtimes from now on. All of them, a nice cup of tea and some cake for you.

I know

bonkers but it means I can shut the kitchen after supper

[meanie mummy]

Wait wait wait. What time are people doing dinner and bedtime? There isn't time for a bedtime snack round here, not for DS anyway. Dinner about 6.30, segs straight into bath about 7, straight into bedroom 7.15 approx from there for a drink of milk, some stories (he does sucker us a bit there but I'd rather give in to a toddler squealing with pleasure when he picks up another book and climbs into your lap than the a toddler squealing about food). The lights off by 7.45. I can't see where we'd fit a snack in, he's only just had his dinner.

Guess what everyone - I had the most beautiful sleep last night. DD didnt awake at all after the initial fuss before sleeping, and I slept in my own bed, with DH!
I feel so calm and happy and amazed at how angry I was last night over the chocolate cake episode

I agree with the fact that I need to sit DH down when Im calm, and have a talk. About all this stuff.

I really like the idea of DH having some QUIET quality time with her before bedtime, as when I analyse the situation, she does settle immediately when hes not at home. Its as though she doesnt want to sleep because she knows daddy is downstairs, and much fun can be had instead of boring sleep. As you all can probably tell, im the strict, mummy with rules while daddy is the fun, cake giving one

Snack before bedtime - good idea. Will be using that. What are good sleepy snacks, anyone? She does have milk before bed anyway.

And for those who were interested, I was a spare room sleeper because DH would bring DD from her room and dump her in the middle of our bed, where she would turn sideways and kick me in the face, leaving me no option but to grab my eyemask and run to the spare room (that doesnt have a black out blind and is full of light by 5am) feeling very pissed off and unheard and unimportant.
He's stopped doing that now though. These days, he's more into chocolate cake before bedtime...

Oh, and Ive remembered in my calm, zen like frame of mind this morning, that he did actually make me a cup of tea last night and offered me a slice of cake while I was busy stressing over the curtains, which I refused - obviously subconsciously, as it was before DD's bedtime, but at the same time not registering that DH would be having a slice, which would cause the same mayhem that followed as it would if I had some.

Chocolate has caffeine in - surely it's mad to give that to a child before bedtime, no matter what the truth about sugar?

(though as a child I was given hot chocolate to drink before bed - I wonder how that worked?)

OP I feel your pain.
My dh has a sense that if he has choc/cakes etc, he needs to share it with the dcs, so he will give them some rather than eat it later/hide in the utility room like I do. He gave them some mini-Cheddars the other day just before teatime

Lovely to hear you feeling happier & more rested today, OP! Thanks :) Good luck with the new, calm DH, bedtime routine.

How did bedtime go tonight?

mini cheddars? doesnt cheese cause nightmares?? [tongue-in-cheek]

I think bananas are supposed to be good before bed aren't they?

Bedtime went like a dream yesterday and today. DH read - no, whispered - DD a story (Tatty Ratty by Helen Cooper, gorgeous book), while DD had her milk, and then I took DD straight to bed. She protested sleepily once as I lay her in her cot, but snuggled up with her cloth straight away, and fell asleep!

IN HEAVEN

Today, we got in a bit late, and she fell asleep in her car seat on the way home, having had her snack and milk at brother in laws house, so was ready to go straight into cot. Not a peep.

floating

Wonderful :) :) Enjoy!

Isn't it lovely :)