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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I unreasonable to let my mum drive 3 year old 1/2 a mile with no car seat?

189 replies

BurningBuntingFlipFlop · 31/08/2010 13:45

I'm not very well atm and this morning I was altogether rubbish so my mum offered to drop my ds of at nursery as she practically passes our hous on the way to work. She was running a bit late so I just ran out with ds and put him in the front with a seatbelt on. She drove the half a mile around the corner and as she stopped a random father at the nursery started having a massive go at her in front of ds, saying she was endangering his life etc. My mum was mortified, she called ne when she got to work and was nearly in tears.

So was i bu? It's not against the law btw, I checked.

OP posts:
PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 31/08/2010 14:24

try again car seat lawas here

moaningminniewhingesagain · 31/08/2010 14:25

" if the child is travelling on a short distance for reason of unexpected necessity" when over threes can go without a carseat by law. For under threes it is illegal unless in a taxi. From here

FWIW I don't think you were BU. It wasn't ideal but I wouldn't have tutted.

Original poster
BurningBuntingFlipFlop · 31/08/2010 14:27

Sorry I did put him in the back. No Idea why I put front, think I was going to write something about not putting him in the front. head is mashed!

OP posts:
mummytime · 31/08/2010 14:28

From www.childcarseats.org.uk/law/index.htm

Children aged 3 and above, until they reach EITHER their 12th birthday OR 135cm in height

In the Front Seat

The child MUST use the correct child restraint.

In the Rear Seat

The child MUST use the correct restraint, where seat belts are fitted.

There are three exceptions where there is not a child seat available. In each case the child MUST use the adult belt instead. They are -

  1. in a licensed taxi or private hire vehicle;

  2. if the child is travelling on a short distance for reason of unexpected necessity;

  3. if there are two occupied child restraints in the rear which prevent the fitment of a third.

In addition, a child 3 and over may travel unrestrained in the rear seat of a vehicle if seat belts are not available.

It is the driver's legal responsibility to ensure that the child is correctly restrained.

I'm not sure that a badly fitted car seat might not be worse than no car seat. Not all car seats are as easy to swap from one car to another.

However distance is no excuse.

Bramshott · 31/08/2010 14:28

No I'm sorry, you're reading that wrongly Perpetually - your link is very helpful, thank you. The law changes at Age 3 - so that children can travel without a car seat "if the child is travelling on a short distance for reason of unexpected necessity". The OP's son is 3.

AvrilHeytch · 31/08/2010 14:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bellavita · 31/08/2010 14:28

YABU.

He needed a car seat no matter what distance. Do you think accidents cannot happen half a mile away from home?

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 31/08/2010 14:28

it was not a necessity though!! she had a car seat just could not be bothered to use it! accidents are always happening to people who take short cuts and the easy option like this

necessity is when for emergency reasons someone else has to pick the DC up without notice, or you are called to A&E and have no car seat available

and it was 1/2 a mile, 10 minutes walk!!

Minxie1977 · 31/08/2010 14:29

YANBU - your child/your choice. Man should mind his own. Law doesn't really makes sense - if it's ok in a taxi, why not your mum's car!

smellmycheese · 31/08/2010 14:31

It's a calculated risk. All parents make small decisions reg their children every day, based on their perception of risk. Whether they'll leave their children with a sitter, whether they'll let their kids on fairground rides, whether they'll let their kids in a car at all!

Some parents are more accepting and comfortable with small risks than others. Doesn't make them bad parents.

I wouldn't worry about it. Get well soon Smile

LucyLouLou · 31/08/2010 14:32

Well tbh, you are a bit unreasonable, but that's mainly because there was no emergency. There are worse things in the world than what you did this morning, but the choice should've been either you and your mum take the extra time to get the car seat in her car, or you brave the short walk and take your DS yourself.

But the idiot at nursery was being incredibly unreasonable in the way he spoke to your mum. There was no ill intent with what you guys did, there was with him. It sounds like he intended to upset your mum and be so horrible to her.

lilmissmummy · 31/08/2010 14:32

As far as I was concerned the law does not state that it has to be in an emergency, it states that the adult seat belt can be used for a short distance in unexpected necessity.
Taken from here

I probably would have put my child in the back however I dont believe that you were breaking the law.

That man was definitely out of order. Possibly a complaint to the nursery for upsetting your child.

VinegarTits · 31/08/2010 14:33

no YANBU clearly its not ideal but circumstances must

i also wonder how someone can tell how ill you are from your postings Hmm

taffetacat · 31/08/2010 14:33

agree with minxie, YANBU. the world's gone mad.

but.....I have a thing about the front seat. If the car seat was a massive faff to transfer ( can you get a booster one for emergencies? they are much easier to transfer )I would have gone for the back seat.

thisisyesterday · 31/08/2010 14:34

it wasn't "unexpected necessity" though was it

it was totally expected
and it wasn't a necessity (ie, it wouldnb't have mattered if he didn't go)

OP was being lazy choosing not to use her car seat, or walk him

Bramshott · 31/08/2010 14:34

You have to relax at some point though don't you - it's just a question of when. I mean my nearly 8 yr old has a car seat, and I always prefer that she uses it - certainly for long trips etc. But she often travels on coaches, in taxis, and in friends cars where it isn't easy or practical to have a seat, and I have had to relax about that because otherwise you'd go insane!

mistletoekisses · 31/08/2010 14:35

OP - I think the man was out of order TBH.

But would I personally do this? TBH - no way. Distance is not any factor about whether an accident can happen. Isnt there some sort of stat about most accidents happening within a mile of the house?

PutTheKettleOn · 31/08/2010 14:36

YANBU - to be honest if it was me i would have got yr mum to hold DD for the few minutes it took to put car seat in her car. But it's not the end of the world, you did your best at the time, and that bloke was totally unreasonable to shout at your mum in front of DS - if i knew him i would be having words.

I have carried DD on my knee in a car a couple of times - once when my car broke down and i had to get a lift from a friend to pick DD up from nursery (and yes i had let them take it to the garage with the car seat in, long story...) and once in a taxi. Both times i was nervous as hell but sometimes you can't avoid it. As someone said, i'm sure our parents did a lot worse.

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 31/08/2010 14:37

"But the idiot at nursery was being incredibly unreasonable in the way he spoke to your mum. There was no ill intent with what you guys did, there was with him. It sounds like he intended to upset your mum and be so horrible to her."

I take it you saw and heard the whole thing did you LLL Hmm

poor fella acted in the childs best interest and possibly from personal/professional experience!!

there was NO reason for the child not to be in the car seat, or at least in the rear - it was just quicker and more convenient for the OP

and as for complaining to the nursery, they would probably agree with him!

thisisyesterday · 31/08/2010 14:38

putthekettleon

it's more dangerous to have them on your knee, as if there was an accident the force of your body would squash them against the seat in front

if you have to travel without a car seat then they are best off on the seat, with the seatbelt on

domeafavour · 31/08/2010 14:39

wouldn't have done it.
would have swapped cars or moved the car seat.
but then I couldn't trust my 3year old to sit still.
And I wouldn't put him in a taxi either, don't care whether it's legal or not

everyone's different, obviously, as not everyone would have done the same!!

And, if I saw someone pulling up outside nursery with a 3 year old in the front seat without a carseat, I would have thought Hmm but would probably have thought it was an emergency, each to their own

domeafavour · 31/08/2010 14:39

dont think you are unreasonable though, I just wouldn't have done it

2shoes · 31/08/2010 14:41

yabu

MoonUnitAlpha · 31/08/2010 14:44

Agree that not wanting to transfer a car seat from one car to another doesn't make it an "unexpected necessity". Not sure why the short distance makes it ok either.

GypsyMoth · 31/08/2010 14:44

statistically,more accidents happen within a few miles of home

as an ex police officer....i would say you were being lazy. i have seen first hand what driving without belts does.....and the little passengers dont come off lightly

lazy

and how did your ds get home??