to really not want to visit inlaws at their caravan tomorrow

[springchik]

Cant really get out of it though as dc know about it and dh is looking forward to it. Many reasons really culminating to what happened at the weekend.

PIl came round on saturday with the dgd. They gave ds1 who is starting school soon a ben ten lunch box and drinks bottle. I knew theyd bought this and whilst id light heartedly told them off mil said thats ok we got them with out tesco vouchers.

Anyway after theyd given ds1 this they then proceeded to give ds2 aged 2 under ahuge show of "wow look what youve got" a colouring book, thomas colouring sheets and pencil crayons a smart thomas painting apron and a huge toy story art set that included paints crayons felt tip pens pencil crayons, crayons, pencils, sharpener, glue, stickers,eraser etc etc that turned into a carry case.

This was the last straw as far as ds1 was concerned and he pointed to the set andsaid thats mine. NO said mil thats ds2s. No said ds1 thats not ds2 thats mine and so this exchange continues with ds1 getting more and more irate and ended up getting himself more and irate and distraught pil couldnt understand it. Situation lasted for 2 hours ds1ent upstairs and refused to come down even wfen fil bought an identical pil and labelled ds1 a very siilly and naughty little boy. Reason for buying ds2 so much? They had to treat them both the same and spend exactly the same on both.

Last straw for mr tho was fil rang yesterday from site. Wanted to speak to dh who said hed ring back. Fil then shouted no pu him on NOW I WANT I WANT TO SPEAK TO HIM NOW!!!

I suppose I'm worrying about another incident occuring and fil saying something similar this year as well.

sure you are, but the thing is that you need a plan with ds should fil say something horrid like that again. even something daft like a hand signal or a wink, just something to indicate to ds that he is to ignore fil. or say out loud 'oh look fil we've discussed this before, it's not right for you to say things like that'. kids need to know that you are in charge of right and wrong iykwim?

That's why I think you need to agree with your H how you'll handle things before you get there. On what you'll do, if the worst case scenario happens iyswim?

My Dad makes off the cuff comments like your FIL and then is told off by my mum. The important thing is talking to your son about things if something does happen. Like Aitch said.

Sorry x

X posted. Brilliant point by Aitch.

Right I've muddied the waters enough and shall leave you in the far more capable hands of Aitch

hehe i was just about to agree with your point about having a plan between dh and dw.

If it is the first time you have had to cope with this sort of situation, then I think we should cut you a bit of slack for not dealing with it terribly well.

That said, you do need to think about how you would cope with it another time - and I must say that I would not be giving ds1 the art set that the PIL bought him - it seems far too likely that he is going to see it as a reward for the tantrum, and that is only going to encourage him to do it again.

Another time you will need to take control of the situation - and that in a situation like this one, that would include the PIL as well as your dc. I might have considered the naughty step or time out in his room for your ds1 - give him a warning to calm down, and then put him in time out. I would also have asked the PIL to stop arguing with him and to leave you to deal with it.

As others have said, removing most of the art stuff, so your ds2 had some left to play with, might have helped. Distraction might have helped too.

I wonder whether, when he was tantrumming in his room, you were all still trying to reason with your ds1? If so, ignoring would have been far more effective. Tantrums are attention-seeking behaviour - reward them with attention (even negative attention) and they will continue. Ignore, and most children will usually get sick of tantrumming alone and unnoticed - especially if there are noises of fun coming from downstairs.

he may also be frightened of going to school, so a school present versus a fun kids' present might have set him off. but you need to speak about it. dd has just started at school and her behaviour was off during summer and all linked to her fears about school.

there is no way in hell i'd have allowed a tantrum like that to be rewarded by fil trotting off to buy another set.

Tbh, the ben bloody 10 lunch box and flask would go back too.

If you stand for this, and allow pil to buy tons of stuff neither child needs, and they are this ungrateful, you need to stop all presents until they learn to appreciate them.

Otherwise, it'll happen again and ds2 will learn how to behave....

Ah, just read stayingdtgirl's post.... What she said....

oh, have i inadvertantly come up with a way of you getting rid of the flaming ben 10 crap kit?

I'm sorry mil, but after careful consideration, we decided that only good behaviour gets brand new lunch boxes...

I would punish my son if he ever threw a hissy fit like that.